New member/new dog
Question:
Hi Sara Now you now why I love the breed so much, and didn’t want to settle for just any old crossbreed as a replacement – not that I’ve got anything against crossbreeds. And the CKCS are always wagging their tails and always looking so happy which is such a tonic. We do know that Jasper has been with a busy family with young children, and has got very stressed and has been bed-wetting as a result. Guess they just didn’t stop and think what a dog involved, or that a small one would be easier, and now they just can’t be bothered. So it feels really positive to me to be able to give him a good home where he’ll be loved, and properly looked after and hopefully have plenty of fun as well. I went to get his name tag engraved today, which felt like a real step on the road to commitment to him and at the moment I’m really looking forward to tomorrow, but I know there will still be a roller-coaster of uncertainty until we get him here, and settled a bit. The past couple of years have been very tough for me, with my depression so bad at times that the only thing that did get me out of bed was feeding and walking the dogs. I’ve been clambering back slowly, but with this GAD which it’s left me with, so every change is progress but also VERY scary at the moment. But there’s only one way to go, and that’s forwards isn’t it? Maggie xxxx – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Elliott, Sara & Laurie Thanks for your lovely supportive replies with lots of positive comments to help me along. I realise I was feeling pretty low yesterday when I posted that, and alot of it is about making a commitment to a change, and the uncertainty. I’ve seen how all my life I’ve always tried to plan ahead when any situation is looming – a legacy of a very insecure childhood, and I’m finally trying to leave behind the "what ifs" which at the moment leaves me feeling very insecure and out of control. In my rational moments, I’d already decided I was ready for another dog, and we’d been waiting a while to rehome a Cavalier to join our present one – people don’t seem to abandon Cavalier King Charles Spaniels very often so I did feel a bit under pressure when this one came up. At the moment it feels like an achievement for me to have not sunk to the point of abandoning the idea altogether – anxiety cop out time! But I won’t give in to that, no way. So tomorrow’s the day, my husband’s going to fetch him from his old home – he’s 2/half years old called Jasper. Whoops – slipping into bad thoughts here, but I hope he doesn’t come with too many bad habits which we have to undo. Thanks again for all your kind thoughts, and I’ll keep you posted on progress – his, and mine. Maggie Maggie, I looked up Cavalier King Charles Spaniels on Google to see what they look like. What a beautiful dog! No, I don’t imagine many people would part with one of those willingly. – Could be any number of things, the owner could be elderly, or the people could be moving to a place that won’t accept pets — any number of reasons. Don’t jump to conclusions thinking maybe the dog has bad habits. If there is anything you don’t know how to deal with, ask your vet. He/she should have some good suggestions as to how to go about handling any behavioral problems. The only "difficult" things that entered my mind when you said, "new dog" were the housetraining and the chewing of a new puppy — and with a dog that age, it is probably already house trained, and the chewing business is over…so even the age of the dog is great! Change and uncertainty are scary — but that dog is gorgeous, and I predict you are going to be very happy that you made the decision to get a younger dog. This new one won’t replace the one you lost, but it will be a brand new little hairy friend for you to get to know. Please let us know how it goes!! Sara ^..^< Anxiety, I can’t get nothin done Anxiety destroys all the fun – Pat Benetar
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Elliott, Sara & Laurie Thanks for your lovely supportive replies with lots of positive comments to help me along. I realise I was feeling pretty low yesterday when I posted that, and alot of it is about making a commitment to a change, and the uncertainty. I’ve seen how all my life I’ve always tried to plan ahead when any situation is looming – a legacy of a very insecure childhood, and I’m finally trying to leave behind the "what ifs" which at the moment leaves me feeling very insecure and out of control. In my rational moments, I’d already decided I was ready for another dog, and we’d been waiting a while to rehome a Cavalier to join our present one – people don’t seem to abandon Cavalier King Charles Spaniels very often so I did feel a bit under pressure when this one came up. At the moment it feels like an achievement for me to have not sunk to the point of abandoning the idea altogether – anxiety cop out time! But I won’t give in to that, no way. So tomorrow’s the day, my husband’s going to fetch him from his old home – he’s 2/half years old called Jasper. Whoops – slipping into bad thoughts here, but I hope he doesn’t come with too many bad habits which we have to undo. Thanks again for all your kind thoughts, and I’ll keep you posted on progress – his, and mine. Maggie
Maggie, I looked up Cavalier King Charles Spaniels on Google to see what they look like. What a beautiful dog! No, I don’t imagine many people would part with one of those willingly. – Could be any number of things, the owner could be elderly, or the people could be moving to a place that won’t accept pets — any number of reasons. Don’t jump to conclusions thinking maybe the dog has bad habits. If there is anything you don’t know how to deal with, ask your vet. He/she should have some good suggestions as to how to go about handling any behavioral problems. The only "difficult" things that entered my mind when you said, "new dog" were the housetraining and the chewing of a new puppy — and with a dog that age, it is probably already house trained, and the chewing business is over…so even the age of the dog is great! Change and uncertainty are scary — but that dog is gorgeous, and I predict you are going to be very happy that you made the decision to get a younger dog. This new one won’t replace the one you lost, but it will be a brand new little hairy friend for you to get to know. Please let us know how it goes!! Sara ^..^< Anxiety, I can’t get nothin done Anxiety destroys all the fun – Pat Benetar
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I have a notebook where I write down my distorted thinking and then try and change it around – of course I do that when I’m feeling more calm and rational. And then sometimes trying to think the "right" way just gets too hard, it’s easy to fall back into the tried and tested methods. I have alot of different stresses and problems in life at the moment and balancing them all, and taking care of myself just seems too complicated sometimes and I slide off into self-pity for a while! I’m also on a (very) long waiting list to see a psychologist for the possibility of some CBT – it feels like it would really help to have an outsider helping me along the way, rather than having to rely on my own rather wobbly self-discipline. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the waiting list shrinks before too long. Luvved the pics. Maggie xxxxx
Maggie, It actually sounds like you are doing pretty good if you are trying to target those distorted thinking patterns. Have you read any books on CBT? The one everyone here recommends most is Burn’s Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy. I bought the book, but I am a student, and I am SO overloaded with assigned reading material, I can’t bring myself to open another book that I’m not going to be graded on. It will have to wait until spring break!!!! I don’t have any problem getting in to see my therapist or doctor.. but my therapist is a flake (I’ll post about that sometime, but she really IS) and my doctor is EXCELLENT, but he does cost a good amount of money to see. I’m not complaining, really, I have had my fill of free psychiatrists! I hope you get into therapy soon, but if it takes awhile, why don’t you pick up that book? I can’t personally recommend it, as I said, I haven’t gotten to it yet.. but there are many people here at ASAP that recommend it very much, and I would definitely trust their recommendations. I can’t wait to see your post about Jasper’s homecoming and how it goes. Please keep us updated. Sara ^..^< Anxiety, I can’t get nothin done Anxiety destroys all the fun – Pat Benetar
Response:
It’s great getting a new dog.
It is great getting a new dog but it sucks when it dies. ;^)
Response:
Hi Robin Yes ~ I can really relate to that. I still feel more confident when I’m out walking with a dog, than just walking along on my own. And it’s not just the comfort from them, but the fact that they love so unconditionally, and I sometimes just pour my heart out to mine, knowing it will never go any further. Maggie xxx – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It’s great getting a new dog. My dog has helped me soo much with my anxiety. I go on walks with her, which helped me out of my agoraphobia stage, and she is always there when I need comfort. I hope your dog does the same for you. :) Robin
Response:
It’s great getting a new dog. My dog has helped me soo much with my anxiety. I go on walks with her, which helped me out of my agoraphobia stage, and she is always there when I need comfort. I hope your dog does the same for you. :) Robin
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Elliott, Sara & Laurie Thanks for your lovely supportive replies with lots of positive comments to help me along. I realise I was feeling pretty low yesterday when I posted that, and alot of it is about making a commitment to a change, and the uncertainty. I’ve seen how all my life I’ve always tried to plan ahead when any situation is looming – a legacy of a very insecure childhood, and I’m finally trying to leave behind the "what ifs" which at the moment leaves me feeling very insecure and out of control. In my rational moments, I’d already decided I was ready for another dog, and we’d been waiting a while to rehome a Cavalier to join our present one – people don’t seem to abandon Cavalier King Charles Spaniels very often so I did feel a bit under pressure when this one came up. At the moment it feels like an achievement for me to have not sunk to the point of abandoning the idea altogether – anxiety cop out time! But I won’t give in to that, no way. So tomorrow’s the day, my husband’s going to fetch him from his old home – he’s 2/half years old called Jasper. Whoops – slipping into bad thoughts here, but I hope he doesn’t come with too many bad habits which we have to undo. Thanks again for all your kind thoughts, and I’ll keep you posted on progress – his, and mine. Maggie
Response:
Sara We thought it would confuse the poor little chap too much to change his name as well as his surroundings, but it’s OK as far as we’re concerned. I know what you mean about animals and children. I was brought up around cats and dogs, and guess my parents did a fairly good job on teaching me how to treat them, but if parents can’t even take the time to control their children, how do they hope to control a dog, and teach their children how to treat the dog? I hadn’t thought about us being made for each other, stress-wise, but I guess part of wanting a rescue dog is to have the opportunity to make it’s life a bit better than it was before. Bit of projection about my own life I guess! Elliott – Sorry to hijack your son’s name, but as you’ll see, the name rather comes with the dog. I have a notebook where I write down my distorted thinking and then try and change it around – of course I do that when I’m feeling more calm and rational. And then sometimes trying to think the "right" way just gets too hard, it’s easy to fall back into the tried and tested methods. I have alot of different stresses and problems in life at the moment and balancing them all, and taking care of myself just seems too complicated sometimes and I slide off into self-pity for a while! I’m also on a (very) long waiting list to see a psychologist for the possibility of some CBT – it feels like it would really help to have an outsider helping me along the way, rather than having to rely on my own rather wobbly self-discipline. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the waiting list shrinks before too long. Luvved the pics. Maggie xxxxx
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Sara Now you now why I love the breed so much, and didn’t want to settle for just any old crossbreed as a replacement – not that I’ve got anything against crossbreeds. And the CKCS are always wagging their tails and always looking so happy which is such a tonic. We do know that Jasper has been with a busy family with young children, and has got very stressed and has been bed-wetting as a result. Guess they just didn’t stop and think what a dog involved, or that a small one would be easier, and now they just can’t be bothered. So it feels really positive to me to be able to give him a good home where he’ll be loved, and properly looked after and hopefully have plenty of fun as well. I went to get his name tag engraved today, which felt like a real step on the road to commitment to him and at the moment I’m really looking forward to tomorrow, but I know there will still be a roller-coaster of uncertainty until we get him here, and settled a bit. The past couple of years have been very tough for me, with my depression so bad at times that the only thing that did get me out of bed was feeding and walking the dogs. I’ve been clambering back slowly, but with this GAD which it’s left me with, so every change is progress but also VERY scary at the moment. But there’s only one way to go, and that’s forwards isn’t it?
Maggie, Yes, forward is the only way you CAN go.. so think positively about it! I definitely can see why you love this breed. They are absolutely beautiful. – And I like the name Jasper! I guess you intend to keep the name, since you had the tag engraved. The name has personality 
I have suffered very much from depression myself — even to the point of hallucination and hospitalization, so I understand how devastating it can be. I’m glad you had your dogs — something to keep you going through the rough times. It feels like the LAST thing you want to do, but I think when you’re really depressed, it does help to DO something. It gets your mind off of itself and keeps you from ruminating too much. Walking the dogs is excellent therapy, whether you did it purposely or not to feel better. It’s not a stressful action, but a really positive one. I have some definite ideas about people who have young children and pets. Maybe it works with some children and some pets, but I worry about animals in houses with small children. Kids can be abusive to the animal, and not even realize if — pulling ears, trying to ride the pet, etc. I raised two sons, and we didn’t get a dog until they were old enough to know how to play with the animal without hurting him. (He was a Collie named Ben) I bet my boys were around 7 and 9 by the time I felt they were old enough to not roughhouse too much — and I purposely got a large dog so that if they did play too rough with him, he could tolerate it better, plus Collies are very good natured animals, so I didn’t worry about how the dog would react to my sons. It sounds like Jasper may have been in an environment that was too stimulating.. maybe too rough for him. As an anxiety sufferer yourself, I’m sure you can sympathize with what he’s been through. It’s kind of fitting for you to get an animal who’s had a bit of an anxiety issue himself! It sounds like you two were made for each other. Well good luck with your newest family member. BTW, I am a cat owner. She adopted us about 12-13 years ago (I can’t honestly remember how old she is!) — but she is my buddy. She sits on the computer when I’m using it, and demands that I pet her. She sleeps with me. We spoil her – we cook her chicken and turkey breast for a treat. She is exclusively an indoor cat, but we actually had a screened in porch put on the house so she has a place to watch the birds and squirrels. She’s a member of the family and we love her very much. Good luck to you and Jasper. I think that it will really brighten your life to have a new, young dog to take care of and play with and spoil! Animals and humans need each other.. it’s a symbiotic relationship. Sara ^..^< Anxiety, I can’t get nothin done Anxiety destroys all the fun – Pat Benetar
Response:
Hi Elliott, Sara & Laurie Thanks for your lovely supportive replies with lots of positive comments to help me along. I realise I was feeling pretty low yesterday when I posted that, and alot of it is about making a commitment to a change, and the uncertainty. I’ve seen how all my life I’ve always tried to plan ahead when any situation is looming – a legacy of a very insecure childhood, and I’m finally trying to leave behind the "what ifs" which at the moment leaves me feeling very insecure and out of control. In my rational moments, I’d already decided I was ready for another dog, and we’d been waiting a while to rehome a Cavalier to join our present one – people don’t seem to abandon Cavalier King Charles Spaniels very often so I did feel a bit under pressure when this one came up. At the moment it feels like an achievement for me to have not sunk to the point of abandoning the idea altogether – anxiety cop out time! But I won’t give in to that, no way. So tomorrow’s the day, my husband’s going to fetch him from his old home – he’s 2/half years old called Jasper. Whoops – slipping into bad thoughts here, but I hope he doesn’t come with too many bad habits which we have to undo. Thanks again for all your kind thoughts, and I’ll keep you posted on progress – his, and mine. Maggie
Response:
Hi Maggie, uncertainty is a common trait for many of us. Taking risks also can give us much unexpected pleasurea in life. It’s ok to have some worries about the new dog but focus on all the great moments that lay ahead. Well done on going through with it and I know you will do fine. Vanessa
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Elliott, Sara & Laurie Thanks for your lovely supportive replies with lots of positive comments to help me along. I realise I was feeling pretty low yesterday when I posted that, and alot of it is about making a commitment to a change, and the uncertainty. I’ve seen how all my life I’ve always tried to plan ahead when any situation is looming – a legacy of a very insecure childhood, and I’m finally trying to leave behind the "what ifs" which at the moment leaves me feeling very insecure and out of control. In my rational moments, I’d already decided I was ready for another dog, and we’d been waiting a while to rehome a Cavalier to join our present one – people don’t seem to abandon Cavalier King Charles Spaniels very often so I did feel a bit under pressure when this one came up. At the moment it feels like an achievement for me to have not sunk to the point of abandoning the idea altogether – anxiety cop out time! But I won’t give in to that, no way. So tomorrow’s the day, my husband’s going to fetch him from his old home – he’s 2/half years old called Jasper. Whoops – slipping into bad thoughts here, but I hope he doesn’t come with too many bad habits which we have to undo. Thanks again for all your kind thoughts, and I’ll keep you posted on progress – his, and mine. Maggie
