OW.

Question:

Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???"  I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa

Response:

Okay, found someone with a different suggestion.  Sweet oil.  She says it’s available in any pharmacy and you just put a few drops in the ear.  She says it doesn’t completely take the pain away but perhaps combined with the ibuprofen it’ll help. *hugs* Feel better.. Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???"  I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt

Response:

 So sorry that you’re still hurting.  I really really wish there was something we could do to make you feel better. Unfortunately, the only suggestion we have is trying some kinda pain pill that’s more potent than ibuprofen.  Know that you don’t want to take any more meds than need be though.  Even asked ppl here at work cuz workin’ in substance ab*se thought they might have alternative ideas.  But they say no, if over-the-counter won’t work, and traditional things like sleeping sitting up, heat, ice, etc. perhaps a mild prescription pain killer like darvocet. Have you seen your chiropractor?  Perhaps an adjustment might help? Monday I had my very first migraine that went away on its own after being adjusted.. so maybe an adjustment would help the ear/jaw? Really really wish we could help somehow.  *hugs* Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???"  I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt

Response:

OK, so that pain med is clearly not what you need. I’m a bit lost in all of this. What about a dr? A dentist? I assume they are clueless or you haven’t gone yet? My suggestion would be to get in touch with whomever you thought was going to help (dentist or dr) and tell them to give you something that will work. With my kids I’m told that the anti-biotics will kick in within two doses and then they will feel fine. If it’s a viral infection it should last no longer than three days. So far that is always how it works with my kids and I see no reason to think it would work differently for you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???"  I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa

–      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

hi there.  hope i didn’t come off sounding like i was yelling at you here…  brain was too fuzzy to realize it might sound like that. fwiw, i called the doc today.  the anti-biotic that i took is sposta keep working for 5 days after taking the last pill (i haven’t quite worked out how that’s supposed to happen, but i’ll take it on faith), and i took the last pill last night. mmm…pop-rocks…sorry, went out to get a thermometer, and ended up with pop-rocks, too.  :)  temp came out to 99.1 first time i took it, right after coming in from outside (and it’s cold here), and my normal body temp is 97.7 or so. mmm…pop-rocks….. Thank you, Gloriana.  Can I keep talking now?  ( ) *Sigh*  Kids…what’re ya gonna do?  ;) So I told the doc I feel worse than I did Friday (when I saw him the first time), that i feel like my sinuses are infected too, and that the glands in my neck are swollen.  I forgot to mention that I’ve been feverish for well over a week.  I *did* remember to say that I’m unable to sleep more than 2 hrs at a stretch because the pain in my ear keeps waking me up. I asked for the allergy med that he’d forgotten to write out for me Friday, and perhaps some kinda ear drop for the pain, in addition to whatever he might or might not choose to do re: antibiotics.  I got a different antibiotic, ear drops and an allergy med.  woo!  and pop-rocks!  woo!!!  still 99.1, btw.  I get a little obsessive bout taking temp n stuff… been a long time since I’ve had an ear infection… but the pop-rocks are cool. <Thank you, Gloriana.  Glad you’re pleased.  :-D  Maybe we’ll have hot cocoa when we run outta pop-rocks!!! <*Sigh* The teeth, btw, aren’t really that much of a prob.  The dentist said, basically, that the tooth that I say needs a root canal probably doesn’t, at least not yet, but if it starts hurting a lot, then i’ll need to get it taken care of.  Now, the filling cracked a bit, or shifted, or something (I can tell the difference in the quality of the pain), and that’s why that tooth is *so* cold-sensitive (btw, the dentist looked at the filling and said it was fine.  but i know the difference.  it’s done this b4).  But that’s really all that’s wrong there.  The wisdom tooth behind it has room to grow in, and seems fine…it’s just outrageously cold-sensitive, as well.  All my teeth are, but those two are definitely the worst right now. So when i wake up in the middle of the night due to the searing pain on one side of my face that *feels* like it’s my teeth…it’s my ear.  *shrugs* *pop-rocks*  :-D <*sigh* so, atm i’m feeling tired and drained, but not terribly bad. will do the ear drops again b4 sleeping. thanks for checking in with me. jt (Gloriana and some boring guy who just doesn’t *understand* the appeal of pop-rocks!)  ;)

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, so that pain med is clearly not what you need. I’m a bit lost in all of this. What about a dr? A dentist? I assume they are clueless or you haven’t gone yet? My suggestion would be to get in touch with whomever you thought was going to help (dentist or dr) and tell them to give you something that will work. With my kids I’m told that the anti-biotics will kick in within two doses and then they will feel fine. If it’s a viral infection it should last no longer than three days. So far that is always how it works with my kids and I see no reason to think it would work differently for you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???"  I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa —

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

hey there… thanks for the sympathy.  ;) called the doc again to see abt getting maybe an ear drop thingy for pain, ya know?  plus, kinda thought maybe if he actually *wrote* the allergy script i’d asked for Friday, that maybe that would help too, especially since it feels like i’m getting a sinus infection, too. thanks fer asking at work for me, too.  i know, too, that i can up the dose of ibuprofen if i need to. some guy’s trying to do the "tuff it out" strategy atm, but nobody’s letting him.  had an eventful session with T today, too, so the guys are excercised abt that, too. so between the ear, sinuses, fever, swollen glands in neck thing, and the utter exhaustion thing, and the thpy issues thing, i’m about done for the day.  gonna take Jill’s advice bout the medicinal shot of brandy (Grand Marnier’s sorta somehow brandy, right?  it’s like…cognac?  who cares.), then at the first sign of drowsiness (heh – like i’m not now), packing myself off to bed, preferably for the night. someone keeps wanting to say "it’s not that bad!", probably because the ear doesn’t hurt much *right now*.  then they try to go thru the rest of the symptoms and dismiss ‘em. but, hey, i’m sorry.  the glands in my neck are swollen. that means I’m sick.  I was cold in an office that was 73 degrees today.  That means I’m sick.  The ear that *isn’t* infected *itches*.  That means I’m sick.  So, I’m not going to my other job; i’m not teaching a voice lesson, and I’m not going to choir practice. I’m also not: doing dishes; cleaning the living room; paying bills; entertaining my husband, or any of the other things that somehow I think I still should be doing, even though I’m sick. There, I finished my food…gonna grab my swallow of hooch, write a note for hubby, and go to bed.  wish me luck sleeping. jt

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –  So sorry that you’re still hurting.  I really really wish there was something we could do to make you feel better. Unfortunately, the only suggestion we have is trying some kinda pain pill that’s more potent than ibuprofen.  Know that you don’t want to take any more meds than need be though.  Even asked ppl here at work cuz workin’ in substance ab*se thought they might have alternative ideas.  But they say no, if over-the-counter won’t work, and traditional things like sleeping sitting up, heat, ice, etc. perhaps a mild prescription pain killer like darvocet. Have you seen your chiropractor?  Perhaps an adjustment might help? Monday I had my very first migraine that went away on its own after being adjusted.. so maybe an adjustment would help the ear/jaw? Really really wish we could help somehow.  *hugs* Rainstar

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???" I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt

Response:

yeah, sweet oil, mineral oil, olive oil.  warmed is best. i absolutely hate that feeling, though. jt

Okay, found someone with a different suggestion.  Sweet oil.  She says it’s available in any pharmacy and you just put a few drops in the ear.  She says it doesn’t completely take the pain away but perhaps combined with the ibuprofen it’ll help. *hugs* Feel better.. Rainstar

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???" I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt

Response:

Hi hi! Glad you got more meds.. hope they work!  Not feeling good st*nks. Hey Glo, do you *like* the pop-rocks by any chance? Couldn’t really tell so I thought I’d ask.  Luv you Rainstar (whose fingers are crossed and sending up pr*yers that these meds work!) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi there.  hope i didn’t come off sounding like i was yelling at you here…  brain was too fuzzy to realize it might sound like that. fwiw, i called the doc today.  the anti-biotic that i took is sposta keep working for 5 days after taking the last pill (i haven’t quite worked out how that’s supposed to happen, but i’ll take it on faith), and i took the last pill last night. mmm…pop-rocks…sorry, went out to get a thermometer, and ended up with pop-rocks, too.  :)  temp came out to 99.1 first time i took it, right after coming in from outside (and it’s cold here), and my normal body temp is 97.7 or so. mmm…pop-rocks….. Thank you, Gloriana.  Can I keep talking now?  ( ) *Sigh*  Kids…what’re ya gonna do?  ;) So I told the doc I feel worse than I did Friday (when I saw him the first time), that i feel like my sinuses are infected too, and that the glands in my neck are swollen.  I forgot to mention that I’ve been feverish for well over a week.  I *did* remember to say that I’m unable to sleep more than 2 hrs at a stretch because the pain in my ear keeps waking me up. I asked for the allergy med that he’d forgotten to write out for me Friday, and perhaps some kinda ear drop for the pain, in addition to whatever he might or might not choose to do re: antibiotics.  I got a different antibiotic, ear drops and an allergy med.  woo!  and pop-rocks!  woo!!!  still 99.1, btw.  I get a little obsessive bout taking temp n stuff… been a long time since I’ve had an ear infection… but the pop-rocks are cool. <Thank you, Gloriana.  Glad you’re pleased.  :-D  Maybe we’ll have hot cocoa when we run outta pop-rocks!!! <*Sigh* The teeth, btw, aren’t really that much of a prob.  The dentist said, basically, that the tooth that I say needs a root canal probably doesn’t, at least not yet, but if it starts hurting a lot, then i’ll need to get it taken care of.  Now, the filling cracked a bit, or shifted, or something (I can tell the difference in the quality of the pain), and that’s why that tooth is *so* cold-sensitive (btw, the dentist looked at the filling and said it was fine.  but i know the difference.  it’s done this b4).  But that’s really all that’s wrong there.  The wisdom tooth behind it has room to grow in, and seems fine…it’s just outrageously cold-sensitive, as well.  All my teeth are, but those two are definitely the worst right now. So when i wake up in the middle of the night due to the searing pain on one side of my face that *feels* like it’s my teeth…it’s my ear.  *shrugs* *pop-rocks*  :-D <*sigh* so, atm i’m feeling tired and drained, but not terribly bad. will do the ear drops again b4 sleeping. thanks for checking in with me. jt (Gloriana and some boring guy who just doesn’t *understand* the appeal of pop-rocks!)  ;) OK, so that pain med is clearly not what you need. I’m a bit lost in all of this. What about a dr? A dentist? I assume they are clueless or you haven’t gone yet? My suggestion would be to get in touch with whomever you thought was going to help (dentist or dr) and tell them to give you something that will work. With my kids I’m told that the anti-biotics will kick in within two doses and then they will feel fine. If it’s a viral infection it should last no longer than three days. So far that is always how it works with my kids and I see no reason to think it would work differently for you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???"  I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa —     The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                   we are becoming white light.

– To e-mail remove extra from address

Response:

yeah, they’re ok, i guess… actually, today’s the first day i’ve felt ok in awhile. rarin ta go, in fact.  got lots done at work (just how long *have* we been sick??), and was able to demonstrate to the boss that we’re doing good work on our own n stuff. and we’re having a bit of a party here on saturday, but it’s been a bleak outlook cuz my house is a total disaster cuz i’ve been sick for so long!  But I’ve felt up to cleaning it today since coming home, and husb is being a *huge* help with the cleanup, too, so maybe it’ll be a good party. still have a fever, though – it was 99.3 last i checked.   But I’m gonna be optimistic and say that maybe my "normal" temp is higher than it used to be.  *thermometer beeps again*  WOOOO!!!  98.4!!! …ok, maybe my normal temp isn’t all that high… thanks for caring, friends!  *bounces*  and thanks again for the e-card!!!  :-D jt (Glo, of course. ) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi hi! Glad you got more meds.. hope they work!  Not feeling good st*nks. Hey Glo, do you *like* the pop-rocks by any chance? Couldn’t really tell so I thought I’d ask.  Luv you Rainstar (whose fingers are crossed and sending up pr*yers that these meds work!) hi there.  hope i didn’t come off sounding like i was yelling at you here…  brain was too fuzzy to realize it might sound like that. fwiw, i called the doc today.  the anti-biotic that i took is sposta keep working for 5 days after taking the last pill (i haven’t quite worked out how that’s supposed to happen, but i’ll take it on faith), and i took the last pill last night. mmm…pop-rocks…sorry, went out to get a thermometer, and ended up with pop-rocks, too.  :)  temp came out to 99.1 first time i took it, right after coming in from outside (and it’s cold here), and my normal body temp is 97.7 or so. mmm…pop-rocks….. Thank you, Gloriana.  Can I keep talking now?  ( ) *Sigh*  Kids…what’re ya gonna do?  ;) So I told the doc I feel worse than I did Friday (when I saw him the first time), that i feel like my sinuses are infected too, and that the glands in my neck are swollen.  I forgot to mention that I’ve been feverish for well over a week.  I *did* remember to say that I’m unable to sleep more than 2 hrs at a stretch because the pain in my ear keeps waking me up. I asked for the allergy med that he’d forgotten to write out for me Friday, and perhaps some kinda ear drop for the pain, in addition to whatever he might or might not choose to do re: antibiotics.  I got a different antibiotic, ear drops and an allergy med.  woo!  and pop-rocks!  woo!!!  still 99.1, btw.  I get a little obsessive bout taking temp n stuff… been a long time since I’ve had an ear infection… but the pop-rocks are cool. <Thank you, Gloriana.  Glad you’re pleased.  :-D  Maybe we’ll have hot cocoa when we run outta pop-rocks!!! <*Sigh* The teeth, btw, aren’t really that much of a prob.  The dentist said, basically, that the tooth that I say needs a root canal probably doesn’t, at least not yet, but if it starts hurting a lot, then i’ll need to get it taken care of.  Now, the filling cracked a bit, or shifted, or something (I can tell the difference in the quality of the pain), and that’s why that tooth is *so* cold-sensitive (btw, the dentist looked at the filling and said it was fine.  but i know the difference.  it’s done this b4). But that’s really all that’s wrong there.  The wisdom tooth behind it has room to grow in, and seems fine…it’s just outrageously cold-sensitive, as well.  All my teeth are, but those two are definitely the worst right now. So when i wake up in the middle of the night due to the searing pain on one side of my face that *feels* like it’s my teeth…it’s my ear.  *shrugs* *pop-rocks*  :-D <*sigh* so, atm i’m feeling tired and drained, but not terribly bad. will do the ear drops again b4 sleeping. thanks for checking in with me. jt (Gloriana and some boring guy who just doesn’t *understand* the appeal of pop-rocks!)  ;) OK, so that pain med is clearly not what you need. I’m a bit lost in all of this. What about a dr? A dentist? I assume they are clueless or you haven’t gone yet? My suggestion would be to get in touch with whomever you thought was going to help (dentist or dr) and tell them to give you something that will work. With my kids I’m told that the anti-biotics will kick in within two doses and then they will feel fine. If it’s a viral infection it should last no longer than three days. So far that is always how it works with my kids and I see no reason to think it would work differently for you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) In article

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???" I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa —

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –     The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                   we are becoming white light. — To e-mail remove extra from address

Response:

Hi friends! Glad to hear you’re feeling better. yeah, they’re ok, i guess…

Well wouldn’t want to be *too* enthusiastic, right? actually, today’s the first day i’ve felt ok in awhile. rarin ta go, in fact.  got lots done at work (just how long *have* we been sick??), and was able to demonstrate to the boss that we’re doing good work on our own n stuff.

Great! So glad that you’re feeling better.  Being sick is so icky. (icky? Since when do *I* use "icky"? <*small giggle* sens i puts it in) Alright, apparently we’re a bit silly tonight.  Good, maybe can reply to other stuff then. and we’re having a bit of a party here on saturday, but it’s been a bleak outlook cuz my house is a total disaster cuz i’ve been sick for so long!  But I’ve felt up to cleaning it today since coming home, and husb is being a *huge* help with the cleanup, too, so maybe it’ll be a good party.

Party sounds like fun.  We goin to *two* parties tomorrow. A scrapbooking one (well we’re taking our painting stuff as we don’t really scrapbook) and then a b*rthd*y party for our friend Joe after ch*rch tomorrow night. still have a fever, though – it was 99.3 last i checked.   But I’m gonna be optimistic and say that maybe my "normal" temp is higher than it used to be.  *thermometer beeps again*  WOOOO!!!  98.4!!! …ok, maybe my normal temp isn’t all that high…

Yay! Almost normal (is there such a thing? ). thanks for caring, friends!  *bounces*  and thanks again for the e-card!!!  :-D

Welcome.  Glad it cheered you. jt (Glo, of course. )

But of course.. who else is that bouncy? Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi hi! Glad you got more meds.. hope they work!  Not feeling good st*nks. Hey Glo, do you *like* the pop-rocks by any chance? Couldn’t really tell so I thought I’d ask.  Luv you Rainstar (whose fingers are crossed and sending up pr*yers that these meds work!) hi there.  hope i didn’t come off sounding like i was yelling at you here…  brain was too fuzzy to realize it might sound like that. fwiw, i called the doc today.  the anti-biotic that i took is sposta keep working for 5 days after taking the last pill (i haven’t quite worked out how that’s supposed to happen, but i’ll take it on faith), and i took the last pill last night. mmm…pop-rocks…sorry, went out to get a thermometer, and ended up with pop-rocks, too.  :)  temp came out to 99.1 first time i took it, right after coming in from outside (and it’s cold here), and my normal body temp is 97.7 or so. mmm…pop-rocks….. Thank you, Gloriana.  Can I keep talking now?  ( ) *Sigh*  Kids…what’re ya gonna do?  ;) So I told the doc I feel worse than I did Friday (when I saw him the first time), that i feel like my sinuses are infected too, and that the glands in my neck are swollen.  I forgot to mention that I’ve been feverish for well over a week.  I *did* remember to say that I’m unable to sleep more than 2 hrs at a stretch because the pain in my ear keeps waking me up. I asked for the allergy med that he’d forgotten to write out for me Friday, and perhaps some kinda ear drop for the pain, in addition to whatever he might or might not choose to do re: antibiotics.  I got a different antibiotic, ear drops and an allergy med.  woo!  and pop-rocks!  woo!!!  still 99.1, btw.  I get a little obsessive bout taking temp n stuff… been a long time since I’ve had an ear infection… but the pop-rocks are cool. <Thank you, Gloriana.  Glad you’re pleased.  :-D  Maybe we’ll have hot cocoa when we run outta pop-rocks!!! <*Sigh* The teeth, btw, aren’t really that much of a prob.  The dentist said, basically, that the tooth that I say needs a root canal probably doesn’t, at least not yet, but if it starts hurting a lot, then i’ll need to get it taken care of.  Now, the filling cracked a bit, or shifted, or something (I can tell the difference in the quality of the pain), and that’s why that tooth is *so* cold-sensitive (btw, the dentist looked at the filling and said it was fine.  but i know the difference.  it’s done this b4). But that’s really all that’s wrong there.  The wisdom tooth behind it has room to grow in, and seems fine…it’s just outrageously cold-sensitive, as well.  All my teeth are, but those two are definitely the worst right now. So when i wake up in the middle of the night due to the searing pain on one side of my face that *feels* like it’s my teeth…it’s my ear.  *shrugs* *pop-rocks*  :-D <*sigh* so, atm i’m feeling tired and drained, but not terribly bad. will do the ear drops again b4 sleeping. thanks for checking in with me. jt (Gloriana and some boring guy who just doesn’t *understand* the appeal of pop-rocks!)  ;) OK, so that pain med is clearly not what you need. I’m a bit lost in all of this. What about a dr? A dentist? I assume they are clueless or you haven’t gone yet? My suggestion would be to get in touch with whomever you thought was going to help (dentist or dr) and tell them to give you something that will work. With my kids I’m told that the anti-biotics will kick in within two doses and then they will feel fine. If it’s a viral infection it should last no longer than three days. So far that is always how it works with my kids and I see no reason to think it would work differently for you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) In article Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???" I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa —    The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                  we are becoming white light. — To e-mail remove extra from address

– To e-mail remove extra from address

Response:

Talking about sensitive teeth. Have you tried the toothpaste that is for sensitive teeth? Maybe that would help? Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi there.  hope i didn’t come off sounding like i was yelling at you here…  brain was too fuzzy to realize it might sound like that. fwiw, i called the doc today.  the anti-biotic that i took is sposta keep working for 5 days after taking the last pill (i haven’t quite worked out how that’s supposed to happen, but i’ll take it on faith), and i took the last pill last night. mmm…pop-rocks…sorry, went out to get a thermometer, and ended up with pop-rocks, too.  :)  temp came out to 99.1 first time i took it, right after coming in from outside (and it’s cold here), and my normal body temp is 97.7 or so. mmm…pop-rocks….. Thank you, Gloriana.  Can I keep talking now?  ( ) *Sigh*  Kids…what’re ya gonna do?  ;) So I told the doc I feel worse than I did Friday (when I saw him the first time), that i feel like my sinuses are infected too, and that the glands in my neck are swollen.  I forgot to mention that I’ve been feverish for well over a week.  I *did* remember to say that I’m unable to sleep more than 2 hrs at a stretch because the pain in my ear keeps waking me up. I asked for the allergy med that he’d forgotten to write out for me Friday, and perhaps some kinda ear drop for the pain, in addition to whatever he might or might not choose to do re: antibiotics.  I got a different antibiotic, ear drops and an allergy med.  woo!  and pop-rocks!  woo!!!  still 99.1, btw.  I get a little obsessive bout taking temp n stuff… been a long time since I’ve had an ear infection… but the pop-rocks are cool. <Thank you, Gloriana.  Glad you’re pleased.  :-D  Maybe we’ll have hot cocoa when we run outta pop-rocks!!! <*Sigh* The teeth, btw, aren’t really that much of a prob.  The dentist said, basically, that the tooth that I say needs a root canal probably doesn’t, at least not yet, but if it starts hurting a lot, then i’ll need to get it taken care of.  Now, the filling cracked a bit, or shifted, or something (I can tell the difference in the quality of the pain), and that’s why that tooth is *so* cold-sensitive (btw, the dentist looked at the filling and said it was fine.  but i know the difference.  it’s done this b4).  But that’s really all that’s wrong there.  The wisdom tooth behind it has room to grow in, and seems fine…it’s just outrageously cold-sensitive, as well.  All my teeth are, but those two are definitely the worst right now. So when i wake up in the middle of the night due to the searing pain on one side of my face that *feels* like it’s my teeth…it’s my ear.  *shrugs* *pop-rocks*  :-D <*sigh* so, atm i’m feeling tired and drained, but not terribly bad. will do the ear drops again b4 sleeping. thanks for checking in with me. jt (Gloriana and some boring guy who just doesn’t *understand* the appeal of pop-rocks!)  ;) OK, so that pain med is clearly not what you need. I’m a bit lost in all of this. What about a dr? A dentist? I assume they are clueless or you haven’t gone yet? My suggestion would be to get in touch with whomever you thought was going to help (dentist or dr) and tell them to give you something that will work. With my kids I’m told that the anti-biotics will kick in within two doses and then they will feel fine. If it’s a viral infection it should last no longer than three days. So far that is always how it works with my kids and I see no reason to think it would work differently for you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???"  I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

–      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

i have found exactly one brand of toothpaste in my entire life that does not cause me pain to use.  i’m allergic to soy.  the glycerin that most toothpaste has as its base is most likely soy based.  that, combined with the harshness of the mint, has often resulted in <deletes moderately gross stuff um, pain.  If the glycerin isn’t soy-based, then most of the flavorings are.  "natural flavoring" can mean soy. i also pretty much can’t wear makeup or use skin cream or lip balm. but, way back when, when i tolerated pain because i didn’t know that i shouldn’t have had to, i did use toothpaste for sensitive teeth, and it did help some.  thanks. jt

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Talking about sensitive teeth. Have you tried the toothpaste that is for sensitive teeth? Maybe that would help? Rainbow Colors (Jill) hi there.  hope i didn’t come off sounding like i was yelling at you here…  brain was too fuzzy to realize it might sound like that. fwiw, i called the doc today.  the anti-biotic that i took is sposta keep working for 5 days after taking the last pill (i haven’t quite worked out how that’s supposed to happen, but i’ll take it on faith), and i took the last pill last night. mmm…pop-rocks…sorry, went out to get a thermometer, and ended up with pop-rocks, too.  :)  temp came out to 99.1 first time i took it, right after coming in from outside (and it’s cold here), and my normal body temp is 97.7 or so. mmm…pop-rocks….. Thank you, Gloriana.  Can I keep talking now?  ( ) *Sigh*  Kids…what’re ya gonna do?  ;) So I told the doc I feel worse than I did Friday (when I saw him the first time), that i feel like my sinuses are infected too, and that the glands in my neck are swollen. I forgot to mention that I’ve been feverish for well over a week.  I *did* remember to say that I’m unable to sleep more than 2 hrs at a stretch because the pain in my ear keeps waking me up. I asked for the allergy med that he’d forgotten to write out for me Friday, and perhaps some kinda ear drop for the pain, in addition to whatever he might or might not choose to do re: antibiotics.  I got a different antibiotic, ear drops and an allergy med.  woo!  and pop-rocks!  woo!!!  still 99.1, btw.  I get a little obsessive bout taking temp n stuff… been a long time since I’ve had an ear infection… but the pop-rocks are cool. <Thank you, Gloriana.  Glad you’re pleased.  :-D  Maybe we’ll have hot cocoa when we run outta pop-rocks!!! <*Sigh* The teeth, btw, aren’t really that much of a prob.  The dentist said, basically, that the tooth that I say needs a root canal probably doesn’t, at least not yet, but if it starts hurting a lot, then i’ll need to get it taken care of.  Now, the filling cracked a bit, or shifted, or something (I can tell the difference in the quality of the pain), and that’s why that tooth is *so* cold-sensitive (btw, the dentist looked at the filling and said it was fine.  but i know the difference.  it’s done this b4). But that’s really all that’s wrong there.  The wisdom tooth behind it has room to grow in, and seems fine…it’s just outrageously cold-sensitive, as well.  All my teeth are, but those two are definitely the worst right now. So when i wake up in the middle of the night due to the searing pain on one side of my face that *feels* like it’s my teeth…it’s my ear.  *shrugs* *pop-rocks*  :-D <*sigh* so, atm i’m feeling tired and drained, but not terribly bad. will do the ear drops again b4 sleeping. thanks for checking in with me. jt (Gloriana and some boring guy who just doesn’t *understand* the appeal of pop-rocks!)  ;) OK, so that pain med is clearly not what you need. I’m a bit lost in all of this. What about a dr? A dentist? I assume they are clueless or you haven’t gone yet? My suggestion would be to get in touch with whomever you thought was going to help (dentist or dr) and tell them to give you something that will work. With my kids I’m told that the anti-biotics will kick in within two doses and then they will feel fine. If it’s a viral infection it should last no longer than three days. So far that is always how it works with my kids and I see no reason to think it would work differently for you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) In article

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Jill, it’s not working.  MY EAR i took the stupid pain medicine tuesday morning, again around 6 hrs later, maybe 5 hrs after that, then 5 hrs, then 3, and now 2 hrs from the last time. MY EAR this is the 2nd time tonight i’ve been awakened by the pain and known that i wasn’t going to be able to sleep til i got up and did something for a bit.  i’m exhausted.  i’m miserable.  and my ear hurts.  right now.  this very minute. my ear hurts out to my front teeth on that side, top and bottom teeth.  it hurts at least halfway down my neck. Using that stupid scale 1-10 that the hospital has, I would probably say 9, just because I never believe that I can’t be in more pain.  But the picture for 10 shows the guy crying, and i’m there. great, am getting cataplexy now.  body’s saying "hey, stoopit!  you sposta be sleeping!  whatareya, nuts???" I woke up at 2 am (after going to bed prolly around 11:45pm), and again at 4 am, so i don’t quite think i’ve managed a REM cycle yet, right?  and was that a pink elephant in the living room? …or was it purple?  hard to tell in this dim light. i’m making jokes.  the pain must be less severe.  i guess i’ll try to sleep again. jt — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light. —

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

Xyrem

Question:

I understand that Xyrem can only be prescribed to patients diagnoses with narcolepsy. Is this correct?  This would be unfortunate, since it can benefit people with other sleep disorders, including fibromyalgia. Dan

Response:

dtot…@msn.com (Dan16) wrote: >I understand that Xyrem can only be prescribed to patients diagnoses >with narcolepsy. Is this correct?  

Basically, and then only for those people who also suffer from cataplexy. "Narcolepsy is marked by recurring episodes in which patients suddenly fall asleep from a few seconds to an hour. GHB does not treat that symptom. However, 20,000 to 50,000 narcolepsy patients also suffer from cataplexy, a muscle-weakness complication that can cause people to collapse." http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A22414-2002Jul17.html >This would be unfortunate, since it can benefit people with other sleep >disorders, including fibromyalgia.

Given GHB’s history, I can’t imagine that it will get _any_ off-lable usage. Tom

Response:

I agree.  Hopefully that will change. "Dan16" <dtot…@msn.com> wrote in message

news:fbb960a2.0207180836.464d6f8@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I understand that Xyrem can only be prescribed to patients diagnoses > with narcolepsy. Is this correct?  This would be unfortunate, since it > can benefit people with other sleep disorders, including fibromyalgia. > Dan

Response:

On Thu, 18 Jul 2002 14:38:01 -0400, Tom Devlin <tomdev…@ameritech.net> wrote: >dtot…@msn.com (Dan16) wrote: >>I understand that Xyrem can only be prescribed to patients diagnoses >>with narcolepsy. Is this correct?  

That’s the FDA labeling. >>This would be unfortunate, since it can benefit people with other sleep >>disorders, including fibromyalgia. >Given GHB’s history, I can’t imagine that it will get _any_ off-lable >usage.

Ritalin is C-II (one level in the rating system above Xyrem) and it’s used off-label to "goose" antidepressants. — Visit Charlie’s Sneaker Pages: http://sneakers.pair.com/

Response:

xyrem is not used to treat narcolepsy….it is for the symptom of cataplexy that occurs in narcolepsy.    it seems to me that if it depresses breathing, then it is contraindicated to anyone who has sleep apnea, which includes many people with fibromyalgia.  it also seems that it could be downright dangerous if not deadly to give it to anyone without having a sleep study first to rule out apnea. Dan16 <dtot…@msn.com> wrote in message

news:fbb960a2.0207180836.464d6f8@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I understand that Xyrem can only be prescribed to patients diagnoses > with narcolepsy. Is this correct?  This would be unfortunate, since it > can benefit people with other sleep disorders, including fibromyalgia. > Dan

Response:

Charles L. Perrin <c.l.per…@worldnet.att.net> wrote: >>>I understand that Xyrem can only be prescribed to patients diagnoses >>>with narcolepsy. Is this correct?   >That’s the FDA labeling. >>>This would be unfortunate, since it can benefit people with other sleep >>>disorders, including fibromyalgia. >>Given GHB’s history, I can’t imagine that it will get _any_ off-lable >>usage. >Ritalin is C-II (one level in the rating system above Xyrem) and it’s >used off-label to "goose" antidepressants.

But Ritalin hasn’t been plastered all over the press as the "date-rape drug", I suspect that any off-lable usage will be slight, too many hoops to jump through. Tom

Response:

Central Apnea Causes Insomnia

Question:

Tony Johnson wrote: > On Thu, 28 Mar 2002 04:25:32 GMT, "Tim" <nos…@net.com> wrote: > >Probably because the central apneas tend to be shorter in duration. > >Mysteries still abound in sleep medicine.  In spite of all the high tech. > >tests, there any many secrets to sleep and sleep apnea that await discovery. > >Many early sleep discoveries came simply from visual observation of people > >sleeping.  Observant physicians could notice correlation of breathing, leg > >movements, eyes moving during REM sleep, etc.  Unfortunately, hardly any > >sleep doctors actually watch their patients sleeping anymore. > The one lab uses an infrared or low light camera.  I doubt they tape > things though.

This is the way it was at my lab.  I would venture to guess that they would tape and only take a look at it if there was something strange in the results from the instrumentation.

Response:

Tim wrote: > But the question is…..did the doctor watch the tape?   In most cases, its > only there for reference if needed.  Typically, they just go by the > polysomnography results.  Plus, the camera can’t duplicate actually being > there.  Either it captures the whole body without enough detail to be very > useful, or it zooms in on one body area but totally misses the other areas. > In reality, for most people the polysomnogram is probably adequate.  But > when patients don’t feel better, even after trying CPAP, there needs to be > some deeper digging going on. IMHO. > Tim

Tim, I was at one sleep clinic back in the days when I smoked. After being wired up I asked the tech if I could go out and have a smoke and she told me to go in the bathroom and have one (very nice of her). After getting in bed, before she left she did a eye scan around the room and I had my shirt laying by the window with my pack of cigs hanging out of the pocket, she took them and put them in my bag and said "we don’t want them seeing this do we?" Somebody must look at them for her to do this. — Bob Gootee Yesterday it worked, today it is not working. Windows is like that. news.newusers.questions Moderation Team Worker news:news.newusers.questions

Response:

On Thu, 28 Mar 2002 04:25:32 GMT, "Tim" <nos…@net.com> wrote: >Probably because the central apneas tend to be shorter in duration. >Mysteries still abound in sleep medicine.  In spite of all the high tech. >tests, there any many secrets to sleep and sleep apnea that await discovery. >Many early sleep discoveries came simply from visual observation of people >sleeping.  Observant physicians could notice correlation of breathing, leg >movements, eyes moving during REM sleep, etc.  Unfortunately, hardly any >sleep doctors actually watch their patients sleeping anymore.  

The one lab uses an infrared or low light camera.  I doubt they tape things though. Tony

Response:

Tony Johnson wrote: > On Thu, 28 Mar 2002 04:25:32 GMT, "Tim" <nos…@net.com> wrote: >> Unfortunately, hardly any > >sleep doctors actually watch their patients sleeping anymore. > The one lab uses an infrared or low light camera.  I doubt they tape > things though. > Tony

Every sleep clinic I went to had infrared and did tape the entire session. If they are not, you’re being shorted on your test. — Bob Gootee Yesterday it worked, today it is not working. Windows is like that. news.newusers.questions Moderation Team Worker news:news.newusers.questions

Response:

"*Bob.Gootee" <goo…@comcast.net> wrote: >>> Unfortunately, hardly any >> >sleep doctors actually watch their patients sleeping anymore. >> The one lab uses an infrared or low light camera.  I doubt they tape >> things though. >> Tony >Every sleep clinic I went to had infrared and did tape the entire >session. If they are not, you’re being shorted on your test.

I think my sleep lab copied the camera’s output to a hard drive, I’ll try to remember to ask next month. Tom

Response:

But the question is…..did the doctor watch the tape?   In most cases, its only there for reference if needed.  Typically, they just go by the polysomnography results.  Plus, the camera can’t duplicate actually being there.  Either it captures the whole body without enough detail to be very useful, or it zooms in on one body area but totally misses the other areas. In reality, for most people the polysomnogram is probably adequate.  But when patients don’t feel better, even after trying CPAP, there needs to be some deeper digging going on. IMHO. Tim "Tom Devlin" <tomdev…@ameritech.net> wrote in message

news:f4r9auc6uahaud0agccumo33ser30jvs7u@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "*Bob.Gootee" <goo…@comcast.net> wrote: > >>> Unfortunately, hardly any > >> >sleep doctors actually watch their patients sleeping anymore. > >> The one lab uses an infrared or low light camera.  I doubt they tape > >> things though. > >> Tony > >Every sleep clinic I went to had infrared and did tape the entire > >session. If they are not, you’re being shorted on your test. > I think my sleep lab copied the camera’s output to a hard drive, I’ll > try to remember to ask next month. > Tom

Response:

"Tim" <nos…@net.com> wrote: >But the question is…..did the doctor watch the tape?

I’m sure nobody watched the entire thing, there were five of us in the sleep center that night, probably 30-40 hours of video. >In most cases, its only there for reference if needed.

Right, just in case they need to know what happened at a certain point in the test. That’s one reason that recording to a hard drive makes sense, you could easily sync it to events picked up by other sensors. >In reality, for most people the polysomnogram is probably adequate.  But >when patients don’t feel better, even after trying CPAP, there needs to be >some deeper digging going on. IMHO.

Agreed, and I’m sure that’s the case with most sleep labs. Tom

Response:

Has anyone heard or have a link to some info about this. I remember reading that people suffering from central apnea were more likely to experience insomnia instead of the day time sleepiness of the obstructive apnea sufferers. Can’t find it! TIA Mike

Response:

>Has anyone heard or have a link to some info about this. I remember reading >that people suffering from central apnea were more likely to experience >insomnia instead of the day time sleepiness of the obstructive apnea >sufferers. Can’t find it! TIA Mike

I do not know anything about any research but along with apnea, I do suffer insomnia and need to take meds to sleep.  My father and I both have restless leg and insomnia.  Thanks dad for all your family genes.  He also has RA like I do.  I am my father’s daughter without a doubt.  lolol Nettie

Response:

On 22 Mar 2002 11:32:52 GMT, ednettieol…@aol.com (Ednettieolson) wrote: >Thanks dad for all your family genes.  He also has RA like I >do.  I am my father’s daughter without a doubt.  lolol

Dad didn’t have it but his mother, two sisters and one brother of his do have it.  Mom has it as does her father, one sister and a brother of hers. I got a double whammy.  <big sigh> Tony

Response:

>Dad didn’t have it but his mother, two sisters and one brother of his >do have it.  Mom has it as does her father, one sister and a brother >of hers. >I got a double whammy.   >Tony

Yes you did Tony.  So sorry you have RA like me.  Let me know if you need to talk.   Nettie

Response:

On 24 Mar 2002 00:26:27 GMT, ednettieol…@aol.com (Ednettieolson) wrote: >>Dad didn’t have it but his mother, two sisters and one brother of his >>do have it.  Mom has it as does her father, one sister and a brother >>of hers. >>I got a double whammy.   >Yes you did Tony.  So sorry you have RA like me.  Let me know if you need to >talk.  

Whoops. I got a double whammy on the sleep apnea.  Dunno what you mean by RA.  Sorry about the confusion. Tony

Response:

>>>I got a double whammy.   >>Yes you did Tony.  So sorry you have RA like me.  Let me know if you need to >>talk.   >Whoops. I got a double whammy on the sleep apnea.  Dunno what you mean >by RA.  Sorry about the confusion. >Tony

RA is rheumatoid arthritis, an autoimmune disease. Nettie

Response:

Mike, I’ve read several articles that refer to what you’re talking about, but the only one I could place my hands on was an old one from 1976 written by Guilleminault and Dement from Stanford.  There are better studies out there but for what its worth, here are a few quotes: "The insomniac-apneic population, when compared with five Pickwickian hypersomniacs, eight nonobese hypersomniacs, and seven narcoleptics with cataplexy seen and recorded in our laboratory, showed a predominance of "central" apnea and had fewer apneic episodes per night." "The sleep apneic-insomnia syndrome was found in 10.7% of the insomniac population who agreed to participate in the study." Quoted from:  Two Occult Cases of Insomnia and Their Therapeutic Problems, Guilleminault C, Dement WC, etc., Arch Gen Psychiatry, Vol. 33, Oct. 1976. The theory is that those who consciously wake up a lot  from their apnea and have a hard time getting back to sleep often suffer from central apnea, while those with primarily obstructive apnea usually are not aware of their constant arousals from sleep, and even when they are aware, have no problem getting back to sleep.. Tim "Lori&Mike" <mpow…@the-beachnospam.net> wrote in message

news:u9lu929ghj9le6@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Has anyone heard or have a link to some info about this. I remember reading > that people suffering from central apnea were more likely to experience > insomnia instead of the day time sleepiness of the obstructive apnea > sufferers. Can’t find it! TIA Mike

Response:

I like your analysis! I have also read that central events don’t seem to drop one’s blood oxygen saturation (SaO2) as much as obstructives. Still trying to make sense of it all and I really appreciate your help. Thanks. Mike "Tim" <nos…@net.com> wrote in message

news:JsTn8.952$Kn7.1235180609@newssvr21.news.prodigy.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Mike, > I’ve read several articles that refer to what you’re talking about, but the > only one I could place my hands on was an old one from 1976 written by > Guilleminault and Dement from Stanford.  There are better studies out there > but for what its worth, here are a few quotes: > "The insomniac-apneic population, when compared with five Pickwickian > hypersomniacs, eight nonobese hypersomniacs, and seven narcoleptics with > cataplexy seen and recorded in our laboratory, showed a predominance of > "central" apnea and had fewer apneic episodes per night." > "The sleep apneic-insomnia syndrome was found in 10.7% of the insomniac > population who agreed to participate in the study." > Quoted from:  Two Occult Cases of Insomnia and Their Therapeutic Problems, > Guilleminault C, Dement WC, etc., Arch Gen Psychiatry, Vol. 33, Oct. 1976. > The theory is that those who consciously wake up a lot  from their apnea and > have a hard time getting back to sleep often suffer from central apnea, > while those with primarily obstructive apnea usually are not aware of their > constant arousals from sleep, and even when they are aware, have no problem > getting back to sleep.. > Tim > "Lori&Mike" <mpow…@the-beachnospam.net> wrote in message > news:u9lu929ghj9le6@corp.supernews.com… > > Has anyone heard or have a link to some info about this. I remember > reading > > that people suffering from central apnea were more likely to experience > > insomnia instead of the day time sleepiness of the obstructive apnea > > sufferers. Can’t find it! TIA Mike

Response:

Probably because the central apneas tend to be shorter in duration. Mysteries still abound in sleep medicine.  In spite of all the high tech. tests, there any many secrets to sleep and sleep apnea that await discovery. Many early sleep discoveries came simply from visual observation of people sleeping.  Observant physicians could notice correlation of breathing, leg movements, eyes moving during REM sleep, etc.  Unfortunately, hardly any sleep doctors actually watch their patients sleeping anymore.  (They don’t want to work nights!)  Yes, we have polysomnography now, but that only measures for sleep disorders that have already been discovered.  How do we make new discoveries? Enough of my soapbox…. Regards, Tim "Lori&Mike" <mpow…@the-beachnospam.net> wrote in message

news:ua02e5cv5jt1a9@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I like your analysis! I have also read that central events don’t seem to > drop one’s blood oxygen saturation (SaO2) as much as obstructives. Still > trying to make sense of it all and I really appreciate your help. Thanks. > Mike

Response:

You call that a soapbox event :0) Should hear me when I get wound up! Anyway, good point and follows my thinking as far as medical limitations. IMO population growth has eclipsed the planet and human ability to keep up. Took from the beginning of time until ~year 1900 to hit 1 billion people. Last billion took ~12 years. When I read that millions and millions of people have apnea and don’t even know, It’s frustrating. Then you read that even if they knew, we don’t have the resources to treat all of them. How’s that for a soapbox Mike "Tim" <nos…@net.com> wrote in message

news:0Xwo8.59424$mO6.1811252320@newssvr14.news.prodigy.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Probably because the central apneas tend to be shorter in duration. > Mysteries still abound in sleep medicine.  In spite of all the high tech. > tests, there any many secrets to sleep and sleep apnea that await discovery. > Many early sleep discoveries came simply from visual observation of people > sleeping.  Observant physicians could notice correlation of breathing, leg > movements, eyes moving during REM sleep, etc.  Unfortunately, hardly any > sleep doctors actually watch their patients sleeping anymore.  (They don’t > want to work nights!)  Yes, we have polysomnography now, but that only > measures for sleep disorders that have already been discovered.  How do we > make new discoveries? > Enough of my soapbox…. > Regards, > Tim > "Lori&Mike" <mpow…@the-beachnospam.net> wrote in message > news:ua02e5cv5jt1a9@corp.supernews.com… > > I like your analysis! I have also read that central events don’t seem to > > drop one’s blood oxygen saturation (SaO2) as much as obstructives. Still > > trying to make sense of it all and I really appreciate your help. Thanks. > > Mike

Response:

okay

Question:

spoiled. spoiled, for he-p me talk, 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 go byby go nite nite. I go by by I go nite nite. we don’t move a single inch. if we even wiggle our baby finger we will go crazy trying to be free. don’t do that. hold very still. go nite nite. okay We are afraid we upset lots of people. by by to that good daddy.

Response:

This to me, it seems as if we are putting ourselves in jepordy, and some can’t keep their little mouths shut. So we will help them. Thankyou – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – spoiled. spoiled, for he-p me talk, 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 go byby go nite nite. I go by by I go nite nite. we don’t move a single inch. if we even wiggle our baby finger we will go crazy trying to be free. don’t do that. hold very still. go nite nite. okay We are afraid we upset lots of people. by by to that good daddy.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – spoiled. spoiled, for he-p me talk, 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 go byby go nite nite. I go by by I go nite nite. we don’t move a single inch. if we even wiggle our baby finger we will go crazy trying to be free. don’t do that. hold very still. go nite nite. okay We are afraid we upset lots of people. by by to that good daddy.

*sigh* btdt I get so tired, sometimes, trying to keep from spinning out of control…from loosing the physical restrictions I place on myself to keep from tumbling headlong into an abyss of desperate motion, desperate to be free.  I feel the energy welling up under my skin, almost…and know that if I relax for an instant, I’ll break…break down, break out, break free (break anything within a 5 foot radius of me…*sigh*). To describe the physical action I refer to, just to make sure we’re both on the same page, I twitch as though I’m having an epileptic seizure, and only by rigidly controlling the impulse can I keep from h*rting myself, and breaking objects near me accidentally (i’m a very big person, and I lose all sense of time and place – spatial depth perception, etc.)  I fear "losing it" so much for 2 reasons: one, the first time I really lost it that way I was in my teens, and ended up thunking my head solidly into the floor because I had no awareness that I was in danger of doing so.  Two: because I feel physically sick when I’m "done" losing it, primarily cuz I never *feel* done…but I have to stop before I get to the point of thunking-my-head-into-the-floor mindlessness, and having let myself *start* makes it sooooo much worse to have to put all of that back inside, under my control again. I’m feeling miserable just thinking about it…Please don’t allow that to make you feel guilty.  These feelings were already there; I’m just aware of them now.  Perhaps I can do something about them, now that I know of their existance. And, if i’m understanding you correctly, what I do when I’m feeling like that is go to sleep.  A time-honored tradition for me, sleeping is the #1 cure for being miserable that I know of.  I go to sleep and wake up someone else.  For some reason, that makes me infinitely sad and depressed to think about…perhaps the idea that I’ve had to learn how to do that…perhaps the thought that maybe whatever’s wrong is bothering me terribly, but at least there’s the *chance* that I can fix it if I stay in that part of me……but so far I haven’t been able to fix it…at least, not all of it…and still, going to sleep and waking up someone else is my best chance to continue functioning in my life. Peace to you, friend.  I wish you well, though my words may bring you no comfort. dyenths ps: you have not upset me, and I hope you will continue posting as you need to.  be well.  m*m longs to clutch you to her in a fierce embrace, to let you know you are l*ved and cared for.  I shall direct her attentions inwards as well, since there are those within me needing her, too. Hers is a big heart…

Response:

Hi, see below Ecc – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – spoiled. spoiled, for he-p me talk, 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 go byby go nite nite. I go by by I go nite nite. we don’t move a single inch. if we even wiggle our baby finger we will go crazy trying to be free. don’t do that. hold very still. go nite nite. okay We are afraid we upset lots of people. by by to that good daddy. *sigh* btdt I get so tired, sometimes, trying to keep from spinning out of control…from loosing the physical restrictions I place on myself to keep from tumbling headlong into an abyss of desperate motion, desperate to be free.  I feel the energy welling up under my skin, almost…and know that if I relax for an instant, I’ll break…break down, break out, break free (break anything within a 5 foot radius of me…*sigh*).

My very dear and hurting one, you must realize just how much precious energy this takes away, from the acts of living or not. I have considered just not trying anymore , not at life but at keeping this kind of thoughts and realites that are similar at bay. I will just give it up see what happens… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – To describe the physical action I refer to, just to make sure we’re both on the same page, I twitch as though I’m having an epileptic seizure, and only by rigidly controlling the impulse can I keep from h*rting myself, and breaking objects near me accidentally (i’m a very big person, and I lose all sense of time and place – spatial depth perception, etc.)  I fear "losing it" so much for 2 reasons: one, the first time I really lost it that way I was in my teens, and ended up thunking my head solidly into the floor because I had no awareness that I was in danger of doing so.  Two: because I feel physically sick when I’m "done" losing it, primarily cuz I never *feel* done…but I have to stop before I get to the point of thunking-my-head-into-the-floor mindlessness, and having let myself *start* makes it sooooo much worse to have to put all of that back inside, under my control again.

You just can’t know how much care and concern and absolute value I see in you as a person. I am a small person, I am pleasant looking according to some , I have marletable skills, and the ability to sustain myself as a productive member of the work world. None of this matters. I am suffering as little or as much as anyone here . What matters is what is in the heart.I can no longer see peoplr for any of their physical, properties or skills or attributes. They make no difference to me. I see the incredible sweetness and potential of ones, to receive and accept and give , just what it is they may so desire , again For me it is unconditional love. It is my desire , I know it may not be yours, I can see the problem for me in many ways is having even a small degree of this unconditional love I speak of , for myself. I’m feeling miserable just thinking about it…Please don’t allow that to make you feel guilty.  These feelings were already there; I’m just aware of them now.  Perhaps I can do something about them, now that I know of their existance.

I don’t , I do feel compassion and concern, but also do not believe that it would penetrate inside of you , if you wereb’t at least somewhat ready to take a look at it. And, if i’m understanding you correctly, what I do when I’m feeling like that is go to sleep.  A time-honored tradition for me, sleeping is the #1 cure for being miserable that I know of.  I go to sleep and wake up someone else.  For some reason, that makes me infinitely sad and depressed to think about…perhaps the idea that I’ve had to learn how to do that…perhaps the thought that maybe whatever’s wrong is bothering me terribly, but at least there’s the *chance* that I can fix it if I stay in that part of me……but so far I haven’t been able to fix it…at least, not all of it…and still, going to sleep and waking up someone else is my best chance to continue functioning in my life.

Yes , it is very close to what I am saying though, these particular words are a very small child,s way of tring to escape terror , just bu saying me go by,by, me go nite nite. And I did both of those things but not with my body, I was trapped , but with our mind and our souls.I see it as surviving until and if the time is ever available to work through and and feel comfort. Peace to you, friend.  I wish you well, though my words may bring you no comfort.

More than you know, writing some of these words to you , have helped me, and hope showed you just who, and what I am. dyenths ps: you have not upset me, and I hope you will continue posting as you need to.  be well.  m*m longs to clutch you to her in a fierce embrace, to let you know you are l*ved and cared for.  I shall direct her attentions inwards as well, since there are those within me needing her, too. Hers is a big heart…

Yes yours Ecc

Response:

To, e Good point. I assume to often that folks have been out their ,and are continuing to see what new things are offered. I t shocked me when I read your thoughts on this, that I didn’t even consider it. To accepting ,or to emotional I guess. Or mayby , in these situations each, area of how it affects us , needs to be addressed.I am not saying , that you don’t think so.I see it as , the immediate need , then the future, and everything in between. I just forget sometimes, many times they are not connected. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – snip I get so tired, sometimes, trying to keep from spinning out of control…from loosing the physical restrictions I place on myself to keep from tumbling headlong into an abyss of desperate motion, desperate to be free.  I feel the energy welling up under my skin, almost…and know that if I relax for an instant, I’ll break…break down, break out, break free (break anything within a 5 foot radius of me…*sigh*). To describe the physical action I refer to, just to make sure we’re both on the same page, I twitch as though I’m having an epileptic seizure, and only by rigidly controlling the impulse can I keep from h*rting myself, and breaking objects near me accidentally (i’m a very big person, and I lose all sense of time and place – spatial depth perception, etc.)  I fear "losing it" so much for 2 reasons: one, the first time I really lost it that way I was in my teens, and ended up thunking my head solidly into the floor because I had no awareness that I was in danger of doing so.  Two: because I feel physically sick when I’m "done" losing it, primarily cuz I never *feel* done…but I have to stop before I get to the point of thunking-my-head-into-the-floor mindlessness, and having let myself *start* makes it sooooo much worse to have to put all of that back inside, under my control again. have you seen a *good* neurologist about this? recently? they’ve learned quite a bit in the last few years and now recognize some neuro problems that they didn’t before. whatever it is, i hope you resolve it. e

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, see below Ecc spoiled. spoiled, for he-p me talk, 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 go byby go nite nite. I go by by I go nite nite. we don’t move a single inch. if we even wiggle our baby finger we will go crazy trying to be free. don’t do that. hold very still. go nite nite. okay We are afraid we upset lots of people. by by to that good daddy. *sigh* btdt I get so tired, sometimes, trying to keep from spinning out of control…from loosing the physical restrictions I place on myself to keep from tumbling headlong into an abyss of desperate motion, desperate to be free.  I feel the energy welling up under my skin, almost…and know that if I relax for an instant, I’ll break…break down, break out, break free (break anything within a 5 foot radius of me…*sigh*). My very dear and hurting one, you must realize just how much precious energy this takes away, from the acts of living or not. I have considered just not trying anymore , not at life but at keeping this kind of thoughts and realites that are similar at bay. I will just give it up see what happens…

I’ve been realizing lately how much of my life and life energy is consumed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which I believe I needed to minimize the symptoms of DID, which was absolutely necessary for my phys*cal s*fety in my youth (minimizing the symptoms.  The DID was absolutely necessary in my childhood).  So much of my life is controlled by rules of behavior (not just guided by them; controlled by them), and breaking these rules causes great anxiety. Unfortunately, I often have rule conflicts, and must negotiate a compromise internally that minimizes the anxiety I’ll feel.  These negotiations also take up a lot of time and energy; thus, I also fret about having to negotiate everything…  *sigh*  My true goal in thpy, I would imagine, would be to find a way to live in harmony with myself and the world, where everything I do is guided by inner wisdom and a sense of rightness, rather than frantically trying to escape a feeling of wrongness.  But I can’t imagine it.  Well, m*m can, but I can’t be her all the time.  For one thing, she doesn’t have a sense of humor…;) But anyways…I wanted more to share with you times that I’ve felt similarly to what you described or seemed to be describing, than to express that I was feeling that way at the time.  I’m quite depressed these days, as a whole, but I don’t consider that a cause for alarm or concern: I lowered my dose of anti-depressant recently for several reasons, and am learning to live on less.  But thank you for your concern.  :-) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – To describe the physical action I refer to, just to make sure we’re both on the same page, I twitch as though I’m having an epileptic seizure, and only by rigidly controlling the impulse can I keep from h*rting myself, and breaking objects near me accidentally (i’m a very big person, and I lose all sense of time and place – spatial depth perception, etc.)  I fear "losing it" so much for 2 reasons: one, the first time I really lost it that way I was in my teens, and ended up thunking my head solidly into the floor because I had no awareness that I was in danger of doing so.  Two: because I feel physically sick when I’m "done" losing it, primarily cuz I never *feel* done…but I have to stop before I get to the point of

thunking-my-head-into-the-floor mindlessness, and having let myself *start* makes it sooooo much worse to have to put all of that back inside, under my control again. You just can’t know how much care and concern and absolute value I see in you as a person.

aww…*pshaw*… *scuffles dust at feet, looks up shyly from under eyelashes* Thanks.  It helps. I feel like I’ve been working for forever to become the kind of person i want to be.  I’ve been told that just the fact that I *want* to work to become a good person makes me a good person.  I take that as proof that I wasn’t irrevocably dam*ged, just wo*nded(u). I am a small person, I am pleasant looking according to some , I have marletable skills, and the ability to sustain myself as a productive member of the work world. None of this matters. I am suffering as little or as much as anyone here . What matters is what is in the heart.I can no longer see peoplr for any of their physical, properties or skills or attributes. They make no

difference to me. I see the incredible sweetness and potential of ones, to receive and accept and give , just what it is they may so desire , again For me it is unconditional love. It is my desire , I know it may not be yours, I can see the problem for me in many ways is having even a small degree of this unconditional love I speak of , for myself.

I think I understand you, in the periphery of my soul…I’m a bit too zoned to focus on the part that speaks to what you’ve said in your last sentence, but I think I understa… ok, i think it has to do with feeling dangerous to other people…or feeling out of control about one’s actions towards other people in certain situations…I have no idea where this is going, but feel a need to write…could get triggery, with regards to sxlty, sxl abse, etc.  Will respoiler, due to increased sensitivity to the issue… . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . am now freewriting: writing whatever comes to mind regardless of what wsense it makes or typos or whatever. this feels like the only way i can frree the thoughts that needssaying in my head.  please bear with me, perhaps i can explain better when i’m done. my t says that i feel like i’m a danger to other people. because i felt like the abuse was my fault, i felt like i caused it somehow.  my uncle said that i was sucha sexy little girl he couldn’t help himself. ,my daddy said that he was sorry he hit me after he hit me. my uncle also apologized.  somehow this made me feel worse because whatever i had done to "make" them hit me/hurt me/whatever had caused them to act precipitously in a way that they didn’t want to, so somehow i forced them to hurt me, so whenever anyone hurts me i feel guilty because somehow I made them, and feel like they’re gonna be mad at me for making them hurt me. so i never knew what it was about me that made me dangerous…that made people have to hurt me, then feel guilty about it…and i never wanted them to feel guilty. being hurt was nothing…was used to that…but don’t feel guilty…please never feel guilty…i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry…was all that little wailed for as long as i can remember, and she was sorry for making someone do something to hurt me that made them feel guiltuy.  she was sorry they felt guilty.  <frantic typing stops sometimes i feel like i will take advantage of anything freely offered to me…like i will take and take and take until the person offering has to pull back to protect themselves from me… i think it’s that same sense of danger…like there’s something wrong with me that makes me do bad things… and if someone were to offer me unconditional love that would be a terrible burden, since i’d know, somehow, i’m going to end up corrupting it, or messing it up somehow, and not only will i feel the loss of something i need so desperately, but then the person offering it will feel guilty, maybe, for being a basically good person, but having to withdraw the unconditional love in order to keep themselves from being absed by my need to take and take and take… I have an opportunity to go to a convention for boardgamers at the end of the month.  I’m very excited about it, and eager to go.  Some of my best friends are attending, and I will most likely travel down with some of them, which will in itself be fun, then am looking to share a hotel room with some of them.  This is a problem, because my hubby can’t go, and all of these friends are male.  I know that nothing untoward will occur if I’m in a hotel room with any of them – any number of them, one to 18!  I know that I’m 100% safe from them. But I’m not 100% safe from me. Because I know that I will feel a need to approach them, to offer to them what I was trained to believe I should offer…trained to believe was my only worth to others…and since i’d feel grateful for the opportunity to enjoy the convention in their company (one of them said "Woo hoo!!" when I said I wanted to go with them!) and grateful at not having to spend as much money on a hotel room for just myself, I’d feel this terrible need to … to…….accomodate them…to offer…whatever they might need.  And they’d turn me down, as I know they would, as I know they must, out of respect for themselves, just as much as respect for me, for my needs, for my marriage vows, for my husband, for my pain.  Because they care about me, and know I’m wounded.  But I would try to pursuade them…*please* let me make it ok!  *please* let me do what I can…to…make you not have to hurt me… and this sickens me…that at some level i still believe every man wants sex from me.  and that if i don’t offer it in appropriate circumstances, they will take it from me. and then they will feel guilty.  and i offer myself freely…solely to spare them their guilt. <frantic typing pauses WHERE IS SHE?????  Where is that little girl inside me who believes this?? Where is the one who still hurts so badly?? How can I find her to tell her that it’s ok, that it’s safe now, that she’s wrong, that it wasn’t her … read more »

Response:

Hey there!  *friendly wave*

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – snip I get so tired, sometimes, trying to keep from spinning out of control…from loosing the physical restrictions I place on myself to keep from tumbling headlong into an abyss of desperate motion, desperate to be free.  I feel the energy welling up under my skin, almost…and know that if I relax for an instant, I’ll break…break down, break out, break free (break anything within a 5 foot radius of me…*sigh*). To describe the physical action I refer to, just to make sure we’re both on the same page, I twitch as though I’m having an epileptic seizure, and only by rigidly controlling the impulse can I keep from h*rting myself, and breaking objects near me accidentally (i’m a very big person, and I lose all sense of time and place – spatial depth perception, etc.)  I fear "losing it" so much for 2 reasons: one, the first time I really lost it that way I was in my teens, and ended up thunking my head solidly into the floor because I had no awareness that I was in danger of doing so.  Two: because I feel physically sick when I’m "done" losing it, primarily cuz I never *feel* done…but I have to stop before I get to the point of

thunking-my-head-into-the-floor mindlessness, and having let myself *start* makes it sooooo much worse to have to put all of that back inside, under my control again. have you seen a *good* neurologist about this? recently? they’ve learned quite a bit in the last few years and now recognize some neuro problems that they didn’t before. whatever it is, i hope you resolve it. e

nope.  have never seen a neurologist that I know of, though I had an eeg done recently that triggered me severely…worse than I’ve been triggered throughout most of my adult life. (flashing lights…*shudders*)  My pdoc said the eeg came back normal, though she mentioned something abt the presence of some beta waves that sometimes indicate something going on under the surface, then she said "They gave you something?  To help you sleep?"  Um…no?  That was just me…wide awake…or at least awake…;)  I twitched like crazy when the lights started flashing, then decided I couldn’t stand any more and "turned off" the visual sensors so that the lights weren’t bothering me any more. Dissociation’s such a useful tool….. But that’s irrelevant… There’s a chance that what I experience is neurological – I do have several neurological disorders: classic migraines (started at age 11, include the "aura" or visual disturbance that covers more than a third of my field of vision), narcolepsy (includes cataplexy *ptheh*), ADHD, and possibly Tourrette’s, though that’s *never* been investigated by a professional…I just ignored the symptoms cuz they made me feel so weird… Also/however, my pdoc advises me that both the psychotropics I take work on dopamine, and include tics & seizures amongst their possible side effects.  Since I decreased the dosage of one of them abt a month ago, I’ve twitched less (the twitching is technically a tic, sometimes several in a row) overall, which is nice (though I *h8* knowing that fickle brain chemistry accounts for so many problems of mine…). However, I’ve investigated this twitchiness within myself, and have determined that (a.) it happens a *lot* more when I’m tired (physically exhausted), and when I’m in blue or socrates (angry or depressed/dissociated); (b.) it happens sometimes when I switch abruptly in session; (c.) it feels like one of 3 things: the beginnings of an impulse to get away from danger/p*in (ie: body fl*shback); the beginnings of an impulse to destr*y, to p*nch(u), to process ang*r physically; and/or the start of tears – gut-wrenching ag*nized cr!es pulled from the depths of my s*ul – a ch!ld s*bbing like its he*rt will br*ak. So, perhaps I should consult a neurologist.  it wouldn’t hurt, I suppose (unless they request another eeg…*shudder* I’d need to ask them beforehand if they *wanted* me to twitch, or if it’s ok for me to shut off the visual input via dissociation…) Thanks for the concern, indicated by the suggestion.  And thanks for the suggestion. dyenths

Response:

To you, someone who has touched me and received me as I am, You of course are the one I had been searching for  for those hours , what an idiot I was .It was right here I can’t take a break without taking some time and thought for you.I have taken m*m with me , so i am not as lonely as I was before. Hereit is .I hope I am not to late , or at least get a chance to be seen by you, in a very loving way.I don’t care if I help you or not , just so you know I am here. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, see below Ecc spoiled. spoiled, for he-p me talk, 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 go byby go nite nite. I go by by I go nite nite. we don’t move a single inch. if we even wiggle our baby finger we will go crazy trying to be free. don’t do that. hold very still. go nite nite. okay We are afraid we upset lots of people. by by to that good daddy. *sigh* btdt I get so tired, sometimes, trying to keep from spinning out of control…from loosing the physical restrictions I place on myself to keep from tumbling headlong into an abyss of desperate motion, desperate to be free.  I feel the energy welling up under my skin, almost…and know that if I relax for an instant, I’ll break…break down, break out, break free (break anything within a 5 foot radius of me…*sigh*). My very dear and hurting one, you must realize just how much precious energy this takes away, from the acts of living or not. I have considered just not trying anymore , not at life but at keeping this kind of thoughts and realites that are similar at bay. I will just give it up see what happens… I’ve been realizing lately how much of my life and life energy is consumed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which I believe I needed to minimize the symptoms of DID, which was absolutely necessary for my phys*cal s*fety in my youth (minimizing the symptoms.  The DID was absolutely necessary in my childhood).  So much of my life is controlled by rules of behavior (not just guided by them; controlled by them), and breaking these rules causes great anxiety. Unfortunately, I often have rule conflicts, and must negotiate a compromise internally that minimizes the anxiety I’ll feel.  These negotiations also take up a lot of time and energy; thus, I also fret about having to negotiate everything…  *sigh*  My true goal in thpy, I would imagine, would be to find a way to live in harmony with myself and the world, where everything I do is guided by inner wisdom and a sense of rightness, rather than frantically trying to escape a feeling of wrongness.  But I can’t imagine it.  Well, m*m can, but I can’t be her all the time.  For one thing, she doesn’t have a sense of humor…;)

Please please . You do need to see a neurologist, It may not be the answer to anything, but at least you’ll know you left no stone unturned . And some things we think are our fault or under our control. are a function of nature , or a process that the answer is outside of ourselves , and within the powers of others , or their knowledge. At least know which it is and then make your choice1 But anyways…I wanted more to share with you times that I’ve felt similarly to what you described or seemed to be describing, than to express that I was feeling that way at the time.  I’m quite depressed these days, as a whole, but I don’t consider that a cause for alarm or concern: I lowered my dose of anti-depressant recently for several reasons, and am learning to live on less.  But thank you for your concern.  :-)

I would like to say , Yes it is my concern, and it is in a way. but it is more talking to me , by listening to you. Your desire to just share with me is as precious as anything I have said or done to date. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – To describe the physical action I refer to, just to make sure we’re both on the same page, I twitch as though I’m having an epileptic seizure, and only by rigidly controlling the impulse can I keep from h*rting myself, and breaking objects near me accidentally (i’m a very big person, and I lose all sense of time and place – spatial depth perception, etc.)  I fear "losing it" so much for 2 reasons: one, the first time I really lost it that way I was in my teens, and ended up thunking my head solidly into the floor because I had no awareness that I was in danger of doing so.  Two: because I feel physically sick when I’m "done" losing it, primarily cuz I never *feel* done…but I have to stop before I get to the point of thunking-my-head-into-the-floor mindlessness, and having let myself *start* makes it sooooo much worse to have to put all of that back inside, under my control again. You just can’t know how much care and concern and absolute value I see in you as a person. aww…*pshaw*… *scuffles dust at feet, looks up shyly from under eyelashes* Thanks.  It helps. I feel like I’ve been working for forever to become the kind of person i want to be.  I’ve been told that just the fact that I *want* to work to become a good person makes me a good person.  I take that as proof that I wasn’t irrevocably dam*ged, just wo*nded(u).  pshaw yourself girl, you don’t have to be any more than you are right now or who you were before ,to have my friendship, Do you hear me ? Do you believe me? I am a small person, I am pleasant looking according to some , I have marletable skills, and the ability to sustain myself as a productive member of the work world. None of this matters. I am suffering as little or as much as anyone here . What matters is what is in the heart.I can no longer see peoplr for any of their physical, properties or skills or attributes. They make no difference to me. I see the incredible sweetness and potential of ones, to receive and accept and give , just what it is they may so desire , again For me it is unconditional love. It is my desire , I know it may not be yours, I can see the problem for me in many ways is having even a small degree of this unconditional love I speak of , for myself. I think I understand you, in the periphery of my soul…I’m a bit too zoned to focus on the part that speaks to what you’ve said in your last sentence, but I think I understa… ok, i think it has to do with feeling dangerous to other people…or feeling out of control about one’s actions towards other people in certain situations…I have no idea where this is going, but feel a need to write…could get triggery, with regards to sxlty, sxl abse, etc.  Will respoiler, due to increased sensitivity to the issue…

Yes , I see but you must know you are not a danger to me , and that is why You can say or be , or feel what you want , and I am able to protect myself , but not have to leave you , to do so. I am so available to you .Without you having to worry. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . am now freewriting: writing whatever comes to mind regardless of what wsense it makes or typos or whatever. this feels like the only way i can frree the thoughts that needssaying in my head.  please bear with me, perhaps i can explain better when i’m done. my t says that i feel like i’m a danger to other people. because i felt like the abuse was my fault, i felt like i caused it somehow.  my uncle said that i was sucha sexy little girl he couldn’t help himself. ,my daddy said that he was sorry he hit me after he hit me. my uncle also apologized.  somehow this made me feel worse because whatever i had done to "make" them hit me/hurt me/whatever had caused them to act precipitously in a way that they didn’t want to, so somehow i forced them to hurt me, so whenever anyone hurts me i feel guilty because somehow I made them, and feel like they’re gonna be mad at me for making them hurt me.

Do you know see how sweet and loving you are" Children just feel this way/ What would you say to that sweet little niece of yours if she told you the same story you just told me?  I already know, now I ask you , were we any different? were we? so i never knew what it was about me that made me dangerous…that made people have to hurt me, then feel guilty about it…and i never wanted them to feel guilty. being hurt was nothing…was used to that…but don’t feel guilty…please never feel guilty…i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry…was all that little wailed for as long as i can remember, and she was sorry for making someone do something to hurt me that made them feel guiltuy.  she was sorry they felt guilty.  <frantic typing stops

And so the focus changed from a little girl and her pain and confusion, to how to make an adult feel better about hurting an innocent. Sorry if this seems blunt’ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – sometimes i feel like i will take advantage of anything freely offered to me…like i will take and take and take until the person offering has to pull back to protect themselves from me… i think it’s that same sense of danger…like there’s something wrong with me that makes me do bad things… and if someone were to offer me unconditional love that would be

… read more »

Response:

thank you. this meant a lot to me.  i’m not able to respond in full, but wanted to say thanks…message(s) received, and appreciated. dyenths

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – To you, someone who has touched me and received me as I am, You of course are the one I had been searching for  for those hours , what an idiot I was .It was right here I can’t take a break without taking some time and thought for you.I have taken m*m with me , so i am not as lonely as I was before. Hereit is .I hope I am not to late , or at least get a chance to be seen by you, in a very loving way.I don’t care if I help you or not , just so you know I am here. Hi, see below Ecc spoiled. spoiled, for he-p me talk, 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 go byby go nite nite. I go by by I go nite nite. we don’t move a single inch. if we even wiggle our baby finger we will go crazy trying to be free. don’t do that. hold very still. go nite nite. okay We are afraid we upset lots of people. by by to that good daddy. *sigh* btdt I get so tired, sometimes, trying to keep from spinning out of control…from loosing the physical restrictions I place on myself to keep from tumbling headlong into an abyss of desperate motion, desperate to be free.  I feel the energy welling up under my skin, almost…and know that if I relax for an instant, I’ll break…break down, break out, break free (break anything within a 5 foot radius of me…*sigh*). My very dear and hurting one, you must realize just how much precious energy this takes away, from the acts of living or not. I have considered just not trying anymore , not at life but at keeping this kind of thoughts and realites that are similar at bay. I will just give it up see what happens… I’ve been realizing lately how much of my life and life energy is consumed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which I believe I needed to minimize the symptoms of DID, which was absolutely necessary for my phys*cal s*fety in my youth (minimizing the symptoms.  The DID was absolutely necessary in my childhood).  So much of my life is controlled by rules of behavior (not just guided by them; controlled by them), and breaking these rules causes great anxiety. Unfortunately, I often have rule conflicts, and must negotiate a compromise internally that minimizes the anxiety I’ll feel.  These negotiations also take up a lot of time and energy; thus, I also fret about having to negotiate everything…  *sigh*  My true goal in thpy, I would imagine, would be to find a way to live in harmony with myself and the world, where everything I do is guided by inner wisdom and a sense of rightness, rather than frantically trying to escape a feeling of wrongness. But I can’t imagine it.  Well, m*m can, but I can’t be her all the time.  For one thing, she doesn’t have a sense of humor…;) Please please . You do need to see a neurologist, It may not be the answer to anything, but at least you’ll know you left no stone unturned . And some things we think are our fault or under our control. are a function of nature , or a process that the answer is outside of ourselves , and within the powers of others , or their knowledge. At least know which it is and then make your choice1 But anyways…I wanted more to share with you times that I’ve felt similarly to what you described or seemed to be describing, than to express that I was feeling that way at the time.  I’m quite depressed these days, as a whole, but I don’t consider that a cause for alarm or concern: I lowered my dose of anti-depressant recently for several reasons, and am learning to live on less.  But thank you for your concern.  :-) I would like to say , Yes it is my concern, and it is in a way. but it is more talking to me , by listening to you. Your desire to just share with me is as precious as anything I have said or done to date. To describe the physical action I refer to, just to make sure we’re both on the same page, I twitch as though I’m having an epileptic seizure, and only by rigidly controlling the impulse can I keep from h*rting myself, and breaking objects near me accidentally (i’m a very big person, and I lose all sense of time and place – spatial depth perception, etc.)  I fear "losing it" so much for 2 reasons: one, the first time I really lost it that way I was in my teens, and ended up thunking my head solidly into the floor because I had no awareness that I was in danger of doing so. Two: because I feel physically sick when I’m "done" losing it, primarily cuz I never *feel* done…but I have to stop before I get to the point of thunking-my-head-into-the-floor mindlessness, and having let myself *start* makes it sooooo much worse to have to put all of that back inside, under my control again. You just can’t know how much care and concern and absolute value I see in you as a person. aww…*pshaw*… *scuffles dust at feet, looks up shyly from under eyelashes* Thanks.  It helps. I feel like I’ve been working for forever to become the kind of person i want to be.  I’ve been told that just the fact that I *want* to work to become a good person makes me a good person.  I take that as proof that I wasn’t irrevocably dam*ged, just wo*nded(u).  pshaw yourself girl, you don’t have to be any more than you are right now or who you were before ,to have my friendship, Do you hear me ? Do you believe me? I am a small person, I am pleasant looking according to some , I have marletable skills, and the ability to sustain myself as a productive member of the work world. None of this matters. I am suffering as little or as much as anyone here . What matters is what is in the heart.I can no longer see peoplr for any of their physical, properties or skills or attributes. They make no difference to me. I see the incredible sweetness and potential of ones, to receive and accept and give , just what it is they may so desire , again For me it is unconditional love. It is my desire , I know it may not be yours, I can see the problem for me in many ways is having even a small degree of this unconditional love I speak of , for myself. I think I understand you, in the periphery of my soul…I’m a bit too zoned to focus on the part that speaks to what you’ve said in your last sentence, but I think I understa… ok, i think it has to do with feeling dangerous to other people…or feeling out of control about one’s actions towards other people in certain situations…I have no idea where this is going, but feel a need to write…could get triggery, with regards to sxlty, sxl abse, etc.  Will respoiler, due to increased sensitivity to the issue… Yes , I see but you must know you are not a danger to me , and that is why You can say or be , or feel what you want , and I am able to protect myself , but not have to leave you , to do so. I am so available to you .Without you having to worry. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . am now freewriting: writing whatever comes to mind regardless of what wsense it makes or typos or whatever. this feels like the only way i can frree the thoughts that needssaying in my head.  please bear with me, perhaps i can explain better when i’m done. my t says that i feel like i’m a danger to other people. because i felt like the abuse was my fault, i felt like i caused it somehow.  my uncle said that i was sucha sexy little girl he couldn’t help himself. ,my daddy said that he was sorry he hit me after he hit me. my uncle also apologized.  somehow this made me feel worse because whatever i had done to "make" them hit me/hurt me/whatever had caused them to act precipitously in a way that they didn’t want to, so somehow i forced them to hurt me, so whenever anyone hurts me i feel guilty because somehow I made them, and feel like they’re gonna be mad at me for making them hurt me. Do you know see how sweet and loving you are" Children just feel this way/ What would you say to that sweet little niece of yours if she told you the same story you just told me?  I already know, now I ask you , were we any different? were we? so i never knew what it was about me that made me dangerous…that made people have to hurt me, then feel guilty about it…and i never wanted them to feel guilty. being hurt was nothing…was used to that…but don’t feel guilty…please never feel guilty…i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry…was

… read more »

Response:

Hi Everyone, As my the header of my post– that says it all. It isn’t the point of overwhelming and paralyzing but I have to say I seem to be dead tired physically. And the mind just keeps going and going and going. Most of you know the situation between moving both for personal and work and thinking about things I have to accomplish for the next 6 weeks– I am just the walking exhausted. Recap Moved 2 weeks ago Last week was in Houston for 3 days seminar This coming Monday move for work Following work teach a class Following week I am off to London to teach a class This doesn’t even begin to cover everything that happened 2 months prior to this.  I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until yesterday.  I went to be at 9pm on Friday night woke at 1000am yesterday morning– then was reading on the couch and feel asleep around noon to wake up at 6pm and then was back to sleep at 9pm.  Yet, mentally I find myself beating myself up saying all the things I should of accomplished yesterday.  UGH what a vicious cycle. Let’s see I had to ditch my T appts the last 2 weeks because of work.  Which actually was okay because I have been so unfocused and tired I felt like I was talking in circles.  However the seminar I went to should be counted more like a 3 day therapy session. )  It was called leading a winning culture.  Yet so much of it could be related personally.  I gained some very powerful insights into myself.  I could go on and on about all the things I learned, but I do want to share one very powerful experience.  I do have to give some background– so please bear with me. 5 years ago I was working a completely different job and a woman came into our department to develop a training program.  She didn’t know me from adam ( which in this case was a good thing) and chose me to be the new trainer.  There was much resistance by the other members of the department because of who I had to be for my prior job.  (and I had to agree with them totally)  Yet, she saw something in me and I have to say after having her take me under her wing, I have become an excellent trainer.  Well she was at this seminar too and after dinner (and a wee bit too much red wine) I was hugging her good bye and I started crying….Then I said to her, you were the first that believed in me.  The next morning I got to thinking about that exchange and it really hit me.  This woman who now I call one of my best friends (as she is no longer my boss) gave me what I never received as a child– the nuturing, support and she had such a strong belief in me and my abilities.  It equates to all the things I should of received as a kid and didn’t.  And through her support and strong belief I now realize that at the age of 35 I started getting the support I needed as a child and because of it– as if it was a catalyst I have begun to grow outside my box, been willing to finally face my past and take risks I probably never would have without her support and love.  How truly blessed I have been. Well guys I am still wading through about 400 posts so I will catch up as I can.  I just wanted to share what has been going on with me. Safari

Response:

Safari,     This post about positive growth and self-awareness and the good treatment that others have afforded you moved me to tears.     I remember experiencing similar emotions and appreciations of people when I went to college at age 38 and a number of professors devoted enormous energy to me, even inviting me into there homes to give me support that allowed me to excel and win scholarships and fellowhips for graduate school.     In fact, thinking about it now inspires me to write them letters of gratitude.  And I say thank you to you, too, Safari.  As always, reading your words had taught me something. Please rest yourself and otherwise take care of yourself adequately, Safari. You deserve the best of everything. trill

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi Everyone, As my the header of my post– that says it all. It isn’t the point of overwhelming and paralyzing but I have to say I seem to be dead tired physically. And the mind just keeps going and going and going. Most of you know the situation between moving both for personal and work and thinking about things I have to accomplish for the next 6 weeks– I am just the walking exhausted. Recap Moved 2 weeks ago Last week was in Houston for 3 days seminar This coming Monday move for work Following work teach a class Following week I am off to London to teach a class This doesn’t even begin to cover everything that happened 2 months prior to this.  I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until yesterday.  I went to be at 9pm on Friday night woke at 1000am yesterday morning– then was reading on the couch and feel asleep around noon to wake up at 6pm and then was back to sleep at 9pm.  Yet, mentally I find myself beating myself up saying all the things I should of accomplished yesterday.  UGH what a vicious cycle. Let’s see I had to ditch my T appts the last 2 weeks because of work.  Which actually was okay because I have been so unfocused and tired I felt like I was talking in circles.  However the seminar I went to should be counted more like a 3 day therapy session. )  It was called leading a winning culture.  Yet so much of it could be related personally.  I gained some very powerful insights into myself.  I could go on and on about all the things I learned, but I do want to share one very powerful experience.  I do have to give some background– so please bear with me. 5 years ago I was working a completely different job and a woman came into our department to develop a training program.  She didn’t know me from adam ( which in this case was a good thing) and chose me to be the new trainer.  There was much resistance by the other members of the department because of who I had to be for my prior job.  (and I had to agree with them totally)  Yet, she saw something in me and I have to say after having her take me under her wing, I have become an excellent trainer.  Well she was at this seminar too and after dinner (and a wee bit too much red wine) I was hugging her good bye and I started crying….Then I said to her, you were the first that believed in me.  The next morning I got to thinking about that exchange and it really hit me.  This woman who now I call one of my best friends (as she is no longer my boss) gave me what I never received as a child– the nuturing, support and she had such a strong belief in me and my abilities.  It equates to all the things I should of received as a kid and didn’t.  And through her support and strong belief I now realize that at the age of 35 I started getting the support I needed as a child and because of it– as if it was a catalyst I have begun to grow outside my box, been willing to finally face my past and take risks I probably never would have without her support and love.  How truly blessed I have been. Well guys I am still wading through about 400 posts so I will catch up as I can.  I just wanted to share what has been going on with me. Safari

Response:

see for comments below

Safari,     This post about positive growth and self-awareness and the good treatment that others have afforded you moved me to tears.

Well I know for myself Trill, I find myself so focused and single minded on working on myself and dealing with all the pain, hurt, anger etc that sometimes I forget to look at some of the blessing in my later life.  I think that night I was reminded of how I have been blessed in so many ways. Sometimes I find it so hard to express those sentiments on here. In th’py this week we spoke about how I am not close to my foo. For many reasons — and in my mind some of the close and good friends I have made in my adulthood have actually given a lot to me in the way my foo never did.  Yet sometimes my focus is so much on the hurt and pain of the past, I kind of forget that.     I remember experiencing similar emotions and appreciations of people when I went to college at age 38 and a number of professors devoted enormous energy to me, even inviting me into there homes to give me support that allowed me to excel and win scholarships and fellowhips for graduate school.     In fact, thinking about it now inspires me to write them letters of gratitude.

Yes, even during the times of pain and hurt there are some who do deserve our gratitude.  Like you though I sometimes don’t get around to telling them.  That night reminded me I do need to remember those who gave to me, help inspire me, helped me to believe in myself. When no one else did– right down to my high school Latin teacher who believed I could learn Latin, when I was so frustrated I wanted nothing to do with it.  He taught me discipline and to push myself to exceed.  Every day of the school year he gave us homework and because of that discipline I was later able to excel in other high school classes and college.  (okay maybe not spelling… <g) And I say thank you to you, too, Safari.  As always, reading your words had taught me something.

<blushing all I can say is I try and share what I have experienced and if anyone gains insight or at least to know someone else in this world understands– then I think I have done what I was put on this earth to do.  Thank you so much for your compliment Trill. Safari – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Please rest yourself and otherwise take care of yourself adequately, Safari. You deserve the best of everything. trill Hi Everyone, As my the header of my post– that says it all. It isn’t the point of overwhelming and paralyzing but I have to say I seem to be dead tired physically. And the mind just keeps going and going and going. Most of you know the situation between moving both for personal and work and thinking about things I have to accomplish for the next 6 weeks– I am just the walking exhausted. Recap Moved 2 weeks ago Last week was in Houston for 3 days seminar This coming Monday move for work Following work teach a class Following week I am off to London to teach a class This doesn’t even begin to cover everything that happened 2 months prior to this.  I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until yesterday.  I went to be at 9pm on Friday night woke at 1000am yesterday morning– then was reading on the couch and feel asleep around noon to wake up at 6pm and then was back to sleep at 9pm.  Yet, mentally I find myself beating myself up saying all the things I should of accomplished yesterday.  UGH what a vicious cycle. Let’s see I had to ditch my T appts the last 2 weeks because of work.  Which actually was okay because I have been so unfocused and tired I felt like I was talking in circles.  However the seminar I went to should be counted more like a 3 day therapy session. )  It was called leading a winning culture.  Yet so much of it could be related personally.  I gained some very powerful insights into myself.  I could go on and on about all the things I learned, but I do want to share one very powerful experience.  I do have to give some background– so please bear with me. 5 years ago I was working a completely different job and a woman came into our department to develop a training program.  She didn’t know me from adam ( which in this case was a good thing) and chose me to be the new trainer.  There was much resistance by the other members of the department because of who I had to be for my prior job.  (and I had to agree with them totally)  Yet, she saw something in me and I have to say after having her take me under her wing, I have become an excellent trainer.  Well she was at this seminar too and after dinner (and a wee bit too much red wine) I was hugging her good bye and I started crying….Then I said to her, you were the first that believed in me.  The next morning I got to thinking about that exchange and it really hit me.  This woman who now I call one of my best friends (as she is no longer my boss) gave me what I never received as a child– the nuturing, support and she had such a strong belief in me and my abilities.  It equates to all the things I should of received as a kid and didn’t.  And through her support and strong belief I now realize that at the age of 35 I started getting the support I needed as a child and because of it– as if it was a catalyst I have begun to grow outside my box, been willing to finally face my past and take risks I probably never would have without her support and love.  How truly blessed I have been. Well guys I am still wading through about 400 posts so I will catch up as I can.  I just wanted to share what has been going on with me. Safari

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i am okay

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okay

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: okay Caroline?  Is that you, and Susie and Eloise?  Are you the Caroline I know?  If you are, welcome back!  If you’re not, please accept my apologies and a first welcome to asd . Tess V. — Though we share this humble path, alone How fragile is the heart Oh, give these clay feet wings to fly To touch the face of the stars                 Loreena McKennitt

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Neck surgery is schedualed

Question:

Oh Scout, clear your desk and do it now..Love that!!! Now remember to follow all docs orders after that surgery…and when you go to an airport and go through that little Xray door don’t be surprised if you set off the alarms…just joking.   My plate and screws don’t do that…but I tell everyone they do… You hang in there, and get that sleep deprevation test out of the way. have a good Holiday and on with the neck surgery.  You will do fine and just have someone keep us informed…. Good luck to you, Janers

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Scout, My prayers and thoughts are with you!!  I’m sure you’ll come through with flying colors! Jim McGowan

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –                                            Hi everybody! Wow i haven’t seen these many flowers ever thank you so very much….blush : ) The short of it is that my neck surgery is schedualed for January 22nd. The first thing the doc said when we got into his office was "well are we on or what? I said" clear your desk and do it now, i have the time". He did his own block 3 study when my blood was drawn for pre-op….he found nothing…even my RA factor had dropped from 90 to 15! He even looked into the possiblity of it being DISH, he said that he did research and talked to other docs but they all agree i don’t have that either. He also asked why no one has done anything about my knee yet….as i hobbled to the exam table. I told him that a TKR was planned but i felt that my neck was more important….so it was my call. The doc is just baffeled that no RD has taken the time to nail down what i have because its every where and its quite severe. Since he was busy i stayed focused on my neck but i asked that he note that we pick up on that topic after the surgery….he said yes. According to the neurologists notes…i saw her a while back…..in re: to my passing out….i got her notes. I do have Narcoplepsy Cataplexy….sorry about the spelling. I go for a sleep study on Dec. 20th! So things are looking rosey…..the surgeon hope he won’t have to fuse my skull as well as my spine as it will further limit my range of motion but hes using all the bells and whistles…screws etc. WOW what a trip huh? Once we get this neck thing out of the way its on to the TKR and who knows i may soon get to put my wheelchair in storage! Thank you all for being there for me, this has def. been easier to deal with because of your support. I’ll check in latter after a rest to fill in any blanks. Love my flowers : ) SCOUT

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Good luck, Scout! -g- Kitty

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Best of luck, Scout.  Let us know what happens. Cindy R.

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –                                            Hi everybody! Wow i haven’t seen these many flowers ever thank you so very much….blush : ) The short of it is that my neck surgery is schedualed for January 22nd. The first thing the doc said when we got into his office was "well are we on or what? I said" clear your desk and do it now, i have the time". He did his own block 3 study when my blood was drawn for pre-op….he found nothing…even my RA factor had dropped from 90 to 15! He even looked into the possiblity of it being DISH, he said that he did research and talked to other docs but they all agree i don’t have that either. He also asked why no one has done anything about my knee yet….as i hobbled to the exam table. I told him that a TKR was planned but i felt that my neck was more important….so it was my call. The doc is just baffeled that no RD has taken the time to nail down what i have because its every where and its quite severe. Since he was busy i stayed focused on my neck but i asked that he note that we pick up on that topic after the surgery….he said yes. According to the neurologists notes…i saw her a while back…..in re: to my passing out….i got her notes. I do have Narcoplepsy Cataplexy….sorry about the spelling. I go for a sleep study on Dec. 20th! So things are looking rosey…..the surgeon hope he won’t have to fuse my skull as well as my spine as it will further limit my range of motion but hes using all the bells and whistles…screws etc. WOW what a trip huh? Once we get this neck thing out of the way its on to the TKR and who knows i may soon get to put my wheelchair in storage! Thank you all for being there for me, this has def. been easier to deal with because of your support. I’ll check in latter after a rest to fill in any blanks. Love my flowers : ) SCOUT

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More Blood tests

Question:

Good on you Scout!  Glad we have heard how you are. Yes get some sleep while you wait and yes its better than a blank and they do sound like they know what they are doing and being cautious and efficient even if its all been disappointing and so protracted for you.  (((Thinking of you.)))  maureen in a flooded Britian(possibly 5 million could be affected they are saying on telly this morning!) parts of nottinghamshire with fuel crisis threatening and problems with trains as well as the weatther compounding it all.  We are dry up high here in Mapperely Plains thank goodness. Maureen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –                                  Hi everybody! Finaly heard from the blood doc yesterday, the tests she had done came back negative but it still dosen’t explain the abnormality. Its something about the PTT or somthing like that, anyway she has to draw more blood early next week so we can get the ball rolling again on neck surgery and soon i hope! Its a bit nerve wracking all this waiting but both the blood doc and the neurosurgeon are being very proff. and careful with all details. It beats a blank right? I’m also going to get the test results back on the narcolepsy-cataplexy….the neurologist did an HLA test…..i’ll find out about that same day when i have my blood drawn. Its slow going but at least yesterdays call put my mind at ease that things are still on track. Deep sighs and more sleepZZZZZZ Thats me for now. SCOUT

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{{{{{Scout}}}}}  Just make sure they leave you alittle blood Belinda

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                                 Hi everybody! Finaly heard from the blood doc yesterday, the tests she had done came back negative but it still dosen’t explain the abnormality. Its something about the PTT or somthing like that, anyway she has to draw more blood early next week so we can get the ball rolling again on neck surgery and soon i hope! Its a bit nerve wracking all this waiting but both the blood doc and the neurosurgeon are being very proff. and careful with all details. It beats a blank right? I’m also going to get the test results back on the narcolepsy-cataplexy….the neurologist did an HLA test…..i’ll find out about that same day when i have my blood drawn. Its slow going but at least yesterdays call put my mind at ease that things are still on track. Deep sighs and more sleepZZZZZZ Thats me for now. SCOUT

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Update

Question:

‘ello there!  :O)  Well, I canceled my appointment with my "new extra" therapist today.  I was supposed to see her for the first time, this afternoon.  I canceled because the other night I had a long argument/talk with my mama, begging her to let me see my regular therapist, (who I have seen for a very long time), once a week.  Right now I am seeing her 2 times a month.  It is just not enough therapy for me.  I feel like I am kind of sliding somewhat, and so gratefully I am realizing I need more help.  Twice a month is just not enough.  I do have insurance, but of course it only pays for so many visits. But, my mama and I worked it out in our heads, how I could see my therapist once a week financially.  It will work out, because there will be times where my therapist goes out of town and on vacation, so that cuts out some sessions. Then there is also me, and when I go on vacation, or out of town….and sometimes because of weather!  Also I am on disability, so some of that money will help go toward paying the appointment fees! Like I said it was a long argument/talk my mama and I had.  I don’t totally understand what the hang-up is with my mama, and me getting more therapy.  I don’t understand because my mama is and has been so so so so so immensely supportive!  She had a similar type of hang-up with me asking/begging her to let me go see a nutritionist. Finally she said yes, and it has been one of the most helpful things for me, to get a nutritionist!  :O)  So, she puzzles me a bit.  Nonetheless, she still is very supportive of me, loves me, and realizes now after are talk that I do need more therapy, and she will help with that!  Also, now that my mama and I have thought this out, it will work out!  See, she is my source of transportation, and also income as it is right now.  I can’t drive because of my disability, (mental), and same goes for working too.  But, I am hoping now that I am going to be increasing my therapy, that I will truly starting *doing* the work and the healing I have put on hold, because of not getting enough therapy on a consistent basis.  Hopefully then with the work & healing I will do, it will make me stronger, and I will be able to do the things I’m unable to do at the moment!  I have lots of hope, so I have no doubt I’ll get to that spot!  Of course it won’t be easy, and I am scared as he*l to go _through_ and do that healing, but I _know_ it will be worth all the work!  :O)     Ears   Lets look closer at the size of our hearts, the width of our souls and the length of our spirits.   -SARK

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Kyra-mouse, you write: i hope you get to go to that appointment every single week. (HEY! i’ve just scheduled my sessions for every single week.. . . looks like wednesdays. . when are yours? LOL)

I think mine will be sometime towards the end of the week!  LOL!  :O) i’m so, so glad that you and your mama have this type of relationship. it’s good that you’re able to explain your needs!

Thank you so much sweet, ((((Kyra-mouse))))!!!  You are so kind.  I too am glad I can express my needs with my mama too!  :)   Ears   Lets look closer at the size of our hearts, the width of our souls and the length of our spirits.   -SARK

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Penny you write: Whenever I read of her in your posts I can feel the love and warmth and support that she has in her heart for you and the love and respect that you have for her.

Thank you, ((((Penny)))), for sharing this with me.  Wow, that just puts a smile on my face!  Yes, my mama and I both love and care for each other deeply.  I am so, so very grateful to have her, to be so close to her!  :O) It’s great to hear that you are moving on with the recovery things that you had on hold and you are taking care of you

Thank you again Penny!!!  :O)     Ears   Lets look closer at the size of our hearts, the width of our souls and the length of our spirits.   -SARK

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take care ears.  keep on fighting.  you are a strong person that is going to work until you are growing ears outta your feet : ).  

::giggles ‘n smiles::  Thank you, ((((Karen))))!  You are so sweet, and your thoughtfulness means so much to me!  Thank you!  :O)   Ears   Lets look closer at the size of our hearts, the width of our souls and the length of our spirits.   -SARK

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thank you for the update, precious Ears. you always have the best "glass is half full" attitude. you take things and turn ‘em up right side up. . .making them positive. i’m so, so glad that you and your mama have this type of relationship. it’s good that you’re able to explain your needs! i hope you get to go to that appointment every single week. (HEY! i’ve just scheduled my sessions for every single week.. . . looks like wednesdays. . when are yours? LOL) best of luck to you, sweetheart. love, kyra-mouse and elwood

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Ears. It is so good that you and your mamma can talk and sort these things out together.  Whenever I read of her in your posts I can feel the love and warmth and support that she has in her heart for you and the love and respect that you have for her. It’s great to hear that you are moving on with the recovery things that you had on hold and you are taking care of you Love Penny — Can’t rain all the time. (from The Crow)

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((((((ears))))))) thanks for posting your update from today.  your mama sounds so very supportive : )  that is soooo great to know, ears.  you really need strong people such as her around you – - what a comfort to know you can talk to her about these things.  i know insurance can get pretty hairy, but i do agree that with vacations and such that the sessions will spread out and the finances won’t be as strapping.  i was kinda ready for a breather (mentally and financially!!) last week when my therapist was on vacation.  it helped : ). take care ears.  keep on fighting.  you are a strong person that is going to work until you are growing ears outta your feet : ).   Sending Strength, karin : )

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Hi Nancy,   It is very understandable that you are depressed…who on earth would blame you? You’ve had an extremly rough time. It is a *good* thing you haven’t been able to purge! And what you feel like notwithsranding, you are a good person!   I am glad Ann apologized (that seems to show she has *some* compassion) but even gladder that you are able to keep your distance from her. I don’t think she deserves or appreciates your trust and friendship.    Get good fishies! I have a goldfish. He’s huge, and getting bigger (the only fish in a 15-gallon tank!). He was from an outdoor pond. I went through several dozen fish before I finally got him, and I’ve had him for two years now. You reminded me I need to replace his filter and redecorate his swimming space. (Fish get bored.)   always,   blot — Dance is joy, dance is creation, dance is life! Spamstop address: ‘zianet’ tastes better then ’spam’

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Spoilered for talk of depression, ED behaviors, etc…… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -

Hi friends, Well, I did it again. I was supposed to attend the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) class on Monday. And once again, I didn’t show. Other than getting really scared and chickening out, I can’t put a finger on why I’m not attending the class like I said I would. Maybe it’s a rebellion thing. I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t care. Or maybe it’s the depression I’ve been experiencing since the date rape and since everything blew up with Ann. It has been all but impossible for me to function lately. Getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, taking a shower, or changing clothes has been very hard work for me. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of energy. And I just ain’t got it. I always isolate myself when I get in one of ‘my episodes’ of depression. I hate for people to see me in the shape I get in. I have been eating everything in sight. I ate almost an entire jar of peanut butter the other day—-ugh, the fat and calories in that!! I am supposed to be watching my carbohydrates with the diabetes and I’m supposed to write down everything I eat, and I haven’t been doing it. Part of me doesn’t care. And another part of me doesn’t want anyone to know all the stuff I’ve been eating, as I have a lot of shame in what I eat. But, I guess it’s a good thing that I haven’t been purging when I eat. I haven’t even had the energy to make myself puke. I feel like such a pathetic piece of sh*t. I talked to Ann on Monday. I called her to let her know that I wouldn’t be coming to the volunteer training class, which she teaches. She asked me why and I told her I was upset with her about what happened Friday, which was an understatement. She said, "I figured you would be mad at me and I want you to know I’m really sorry I hurt you." Well, you could’ve knocked me over with a feather! I was so shocked she actually admitted that she was wrong. She asked me to forgive her and I said that I did. I ended up going to class that night, but I kept my distance from her emotionally as well as physically. I am going to be very cautious with her from here on out. And I am still thinking about whether I really want her in my life at all. She hasn’t said anything about me losing my volunteer job either. I think it would be illegal to fire someone for this reason. So, I guess I’ll just wait and see what happens next. I think today I will venture out to the pet shop to get some new fishies for my aquarium. That will cheer me up tremendously. Nancy Before you buy.

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Hi…just a quick update on me.  I am leaving sometime tomorrow morning for the hospital.  I really hope this time will make a little difference in my life.  I know that I have to work very hard this time and I am pretty sure I can do it. I am sooooo full of nervousness right now I could about explode!!!  Anyways, my MD thinks I will only have to stay for a few days to maybe a week, so I guess I will talk to all of you then.  Take care of yourselves!!! Love, Angie

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Hi Angie, I don’t know you but ((((((Angie))))) You are very brave and I think this is a very positive step. The thing I always had to remind myself in the hospital was to be soft.  By this I mean that I had to open my heart, stop being cynical as if *nothing* would ever work, and not think all the groups and therapies were silly and a waste of time.  It may sound silly, but relax and enjoy yourself.  Watch tv, read, get visitors, baloons, and some needed sleep. I know there are so many other things involved that are not quite so nice, but focus on the others! Take Care Holly

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Ase-d You’ve been so supportive. Just wanted to let you know that it’s been 25 days. I’m going through lots of changes. Some of it’s hard. Seal

Well congrats on the 25 days!!! That’s so wonderful. Did you think you would get this far when you first quit?  It must feel great to be able to look back over what’s now almost an entire month! I imagine the changes are difficult.  Good luck and hang in there.  You’re worth it. orlan

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Ase-d You’ve been so supportive. Just wanted to let you know that it’s been 25 days. I’m going through lots of changes. Some of it’s hard. Seal

Response:

Hi everybody, Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted to the ng. I am sick right now. I am having trouble with my blood sugar being way too high (I’m diabetic for those of you who don’t know). The other night, it was 326. Normal is from 70-130. And now, I’ve got my period and a heck of a cold. I feel awful. And with the diabetes, I can’t take a lot of medications because of the sugar content (for example, NyQuil or cough syrup). Also, I am having some major skin break down problems, which is a pretty common complication of diabetes. I get a skin tear and then it gets infected and I can’t get the infection to clear up. And then infection can cause the blood sugar to be too high, which makes the infection worse. It goes on and on. Some people with diabetes end up having to have feet or legs amputated because of the bad skin infections that they get sometimes. Only my infection is under my huge D cup breasts, and I don’t know if they’d do a mastectomy because of that (they weigh so much, sometimes I wouldn’t mind getting rid of them, can anyone relate to this?). Anyhow, that’s what’s going on with me healthwise. I haven’t been binging really. We haven’t had much food in the house (I live with my mom) and money has been very tight, so it’s not like we’ve been to the grocery store much. I have been pretty depressed too, just the usual stuff that I’m dealing with from the r***. I’ve also been depressed about Christmas. Christmas is very special to me and this year, for the 8th year in a row, I will not have any money to buy Christmas gifts for my family and friends. And frankly, I’m getting very tired of this happening every year. It’s hard for me to go to Wal-Mart or somewhere and see people buying gifts, knowing that I can’t. I really don’t care if I get anything for myself, although there are a lot of things I need that I’ve had to do without because of not having a job. Anyhow, it has bugged me a lot the last few weeks. So, yesterday I decided to try to do something about it. I put in an application for a job in a motel doing laundry. The person who took my application told me that there weren’t any job openings there, but I’m hoping that something comes up and soon! I may go tomorrow to a couple of other places to put in applications. I REALLY want to be able to do some Christmas shopping this year, for my mom especially. She does so much for me without complaining. Ever since I lost my job as a pre-school teacher at Christmas last year, she has graciously allowed me to live here at home with her and paid all my bills. Since the rape happened in March, I haven’t been able emotionally to work. So it’s been awhile since I’ve had a job.  I wouldn’t mind having a job where I could work on the computer here at home. If anybody on the list who is reading of this knows of any kind of opportunities like this, let me know!! Anyhow, the other night I worked on a very long post to this ng and when I clicked on ’send’, I discovered that I had timed out of Deja and the entire thing was lost! Man, was I ticked off!!! And I’m not feeling too well, or I would try to redo it. Maybe if I feel better tomorrow, I can work on it again. Going to go lie down on the couch and wouldn’t think I had abandoned the group. Nancy Before you buy.

Response:

Blot, You wrote You have such amazing amounts of courage and strength to hold out so long…

If you’ve been reading today you know that I haven’t got any strength at all. But I haven’t been able to make myself buy laxatives and I think it’s the collective strength of you and other amazing people on this ng. Maybe I will make it to 28 and call it a month! Seal

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Seal! Terrific! You’ve almost made a month! (Since february’s a month, you can say one motnh when you get to 28! :^) I know you can do it! You are doing wonderfully! You have such amazing amounts of courage and strength to hold out so long…    always,    blot — Perception is Everything! Spamstop address: ‘zianet’ tastes better then ’spam’

Response:

seal, congratulations.  yes i believe a person can change at any age. my dad, fifty, just quit a two to three pack of cigs a day habit since age 12.  now he almost has three years shell

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Earlier today I posted an update that I was up to 25 days. A small triumph.. Today is turning into a more difficult day than I’ve had recently. I *don’t* want to take any of those things. At least I’m really sure of that. (I’m not always. More and more as the days go by.) I’m not sure I know how "normal people" cope with various sensations and conditions anymore. We’re constantly reminded that we need to be patient and tolerant with others, and with our "selves." It’s a life’s work. I think that now I need to learn to apply the same to my body. Is it possible to teach an old dog new tricks? I hope so. Seal

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Seal, congratulations on 25 days! Wow! =)

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Seal, You are so awesome! I am so inspired by you.  I know its damn hard but you are kicking those nasty laxatives!  this just shows the amount of courage and strength that you have within you. with love, becca – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ase-d You’ve been so supportive. Just wanted to let you know that it’s been 25 days. I’m going through lots of changes. Some of it’s hard. Seal

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I’m sorry things aren’t going well for you.  I hope they start looking better soon.  Anyway, why not write letters of appreciation to your family and friends, for just being "them"?  I did that once, and it was the neatest thing.  I do understand the despair of not being able to buy gifts for loved ones. However, isn’t it the thought that really counts?  Most of us have so many "things", and not enough treasures.  You could put the letters on pretty paper, or draw something with them or whatever.  Making something for loved ones is fun for me, and I love flexing my creative muscle!  :0) Well, I hope you kick the suggestion around.  More so, I hope that you get to feeling better, both physically and emotionally. ——Kristin – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everybody, Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted to the ng. I am sick right now. I am having trouble with my blood sugar being way too high (I’m diabetic for those of you who don’t know). The other night, it was 326. Normal is from 70-130. And now, I’ve got my period and a heck of a cold. I feel awful. And with the diabetes, I can’t take a lot of medications because of the sugar content (for example, NyQuil or cough syrup). Also, I am having some major skin break down problems, which is a pretty common complication of diabetes. I get a skin tear and then it gets infected and I can’t get the infection to clear up. And then infection can cause the blood sugar to be too high, which makes the infection worse. It goes on and on. Some people with diabetes end up having to have feet or legs amputated because of the bad skin infections that they get sometimes. Only my infection is under my huge D cup breasts, and I don’t know if they’d do a mastectomy because of that (they weigh so much, sometimes I wouldn’t mind getting rid of them, can anyone relate to this?). Anyhow, that’s what’s going on with me healthwise. I haven’t been binging really. We haven’t had much food in the house (I live with my mom) and money has been very tight, so it’s not like we’ve been to the grocery store much. I have been pretty depressed too, just the usual stuff that I’m dealing with from the r***. I’ve also been depressed about Christmas. Christmas is very special to me and this year, for the 8th year in a row, I will not have any money to buy Christmas gifts for my family and friends. And frankly, I’m getting very tired of this happening every year. It’s hard for me to go to Wal-Mart or somewhere and see people buying gifts, knowing that I can’t. I really don’t care if I get anything for myself, although there are a lot of things I need that I’ve had to do without because of not having a job. Anyhow, it has bugged me a lot the last few weeks. So, yesterday I decided to try to do something about it. I put in an application for a job in a motel doing laundry. The person who took my application told me that there weren’t any job openings there, but I’m hoping that something comes up and soon! I may go tomorrow to a couple of other places to put in applications. I REALLY want to be able to do some Christmas shopping this year, for my mom especially. She does so much for me without complaining. Ever since I lost my job as a pre-school teacher at Christmas last year, she has graciously allowed me to live here at home with her and paid all my bills. Since the rape happened in March, I haven’t been able emotionally to work. So it’s been awhile since I’ve had a job.  I wouldn’t mind having a job where I could work on the computer here at home. If anybody on the list who is reading of this knows of any kind of opportunities like this, let me know!! Anyhow, the other night I worked on a very long post to this ng and when I clicked on ’send’, I discovered that I had timed out of Deja and the entire thing was lost! Man, was I ticked off!!! And I’m not feeling too well, or I would try to redo it. Maybe if I feel better tomorrow, I can work on it again. Going to go lie down on the couch and wouldn’t think I had abandoned the group. Nancy

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sandy thanks for sharing this with us.it has put a few things back into perspective.hope you have a great day. heres to kids, tia "I’m in the front row- the front row,with popcorn- I get to see you- see you,close up."Alanis Morissette

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Sandy, love it!  Chemo stinks…nausea is worse.  Is he on Zofran?  I got a hat that had a long blond braid down the back.  Hair is only temporary!  Lol. Sarah Justice – When you get what you deserve Mercy – When you don’t get what you deserve Grace – When you get what you don’t deserve "Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs

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Hi Sandy — it’s so good to ’see’ you! :O)  My heart goes out to you, and your father…  I know this is not easy.  That is so sweet what your 2 boys said to their grandfather, about being bald!  That’s so great it helped him perk up some!  I am glad you have such a great dad Sandy.  That’s just wonderful!  :) Ears The voyage of discovery lies not in finding new landscapes but in having new eyes. – Marcel Proust

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{{{{{Neva}}}}}}} Thank you!   Hey, welcome back! Your words were so kind. I also wish you peace, you deserve it! love sandy

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sandy – thanks for posting about your concern and also your inspiration from your dad. i can’t imagine how hard it must be for both him and you (and the rest of the family) to watch him do through the different stages of cancer.  he is a strong man to be keeping his humor in his best interest.  i’m glad your kids are helping him out too. i’ll be thinking of you and your family, sandy.  i’m sure you are going through so much that your post doesn’t state.  i hope you are doing well.  keep us updated on  your dad’s progress.  he will be in my prayers. love, karin  : )

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Sandy, I will say a prayer for your father and for you and your family for strength and serenity. You sound like such a wonderful daughter, your father must be so proud of you. I wish you nothing but peace in this time of your life. You deserve it. Please be good to you and take care of yourself as well…….hugs, Neva

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Hi Everyone, I am trying to be a little more active here on ASED, I know much of what I write seems to be off topic.  This is a place where I try to vent(when i get the courage to hit the send button) most of my vents are not ED related, but do effect my ED when I hold everything in..hope that made sense. My dad got his first chemotherapy treatment  few weeks ago.   They said the side effects might be- loss of appitite, nausea, weak, hair loss…the list goes on……but, the only effect he had was slightly achy joints, up until this past weekend….his hair started falling out.   He called me on sunday asking if I will shave his hair off.  It seemed to be a grim reality, both for him and me.  Like another sign that he is sick.  I sensed he was self conscience about both his hair falling out and now being bald. The honesty of a child can be so helpful to an ackward situation:  My 13 year old son said to my dad "Gramps!!!! WOW!! You look like Stone Cold(a wrestler)" Amazing, I saw my dad instantly perk up.   Later my 8 year old said "Grandpa. you look like Jesse Ventura(governer from our state)"……The look in my dads eyes said *maybe being bald aint so bad afterall*… My dad is a great guy, I wanted you all to know that : ) Have a wonderful day everyone! love sandy

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Smart move Beck!!! *hugs* You took a big step which took alot of courage!! u r a true fighter!!! Aimee

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, I am really enjoying reading all the posts in this newsgroup and I wish I could respond personally to everyone who’s written to me, and to other stuff I’ve read as well. I really relate to a lot of stuff I’ve read here. Unfortunately, I guess I’ll have to wait until I’m feeling better…. I didn’t tell my doctor about the eating problem when I went for treatment… I chickened out! But I DID finally call him this morning, and told him about it in a round about way, and now he wants to admit me to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. I was going to be admitted Monday anyways for a different reason, but now the doctor doesn’t want to wait until then. So, when my father gets home from synagogue, I’m going to tell him he needs to take me to the hospital, and MAYBE I’ll tell him why, but I’m still kind of nervous about it. In any event, I’ll be in the hospital for the next week or so, probably. Thanks again for everyone’s support and advice. I will let you know how I’m doing, when I get out again. Becky

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Hi BEcky,     :hugs: That’s a good thing you told your doctor- he can help you be ok and healthy.. I am very sorry that you have to go to the hospital :worried:, I know it’s not a fun place 2 be! Get well soon and let us know how your doing, thanks! — Take care ::hugs:: Stephie :O)

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, I am really enjoying reading all the posts in this newsgroup and I wish I could respond personally to everyone who’s written to me, and to other stuff I’ve read as well. I really relate to a lot of stuff I’ve read here. Unfortunately, I guess I’ll have to wait until I’m feeling better…. I didn’t tell my doctor about the eating problem when I went for treatment… I chickened out! But I DID finally call him this morning, and told him about it in a round about way, and now he wants to admit me to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. I was going to be admitted Monday anyways for a different reason, but now the doctor doesn’t want to wait until then. So, when my father gets home from synagogue, I’m going to tell him he needs to take me to the hospital, and MAYBE I’ll tell him why, but I’m still kind of nervous about it. In any event, I’ll be in the hospital for the next week or so, probably. Thanks again for everyone’s support and advice. I will let you know how I’m doing, when I get out again. Becky

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Hi everyone, I am really enjoying reading all the posts in this newsgroup and I wish I could respond personally to everyone who’s written to me, and to other stuff I’ve read as well. I really relate to a lot of stuff I’ve read here. Unfortunately, I guess I’ll have to wait until I’m feeling better…. I didn’t tell my doctor about the eating problem when I went for treatment… I chickened out! But I DID finally call him this morning, and told him about it in a round about way, and now he wants to admit me to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. I was going to be admitted Monday anyways for a different reason, but now the doctor doesn’t want to wait until then. So, when my father gets home from synagogue, I’m going to tell him he needs to take me to the hospital, and MAYBE I’ll tell him why, but I’m still kind of nervous about it. In any event, I’ll be in the hospital for the next week or so, probably. Thanks again for everyone’s support and advice. I will let you know how I’m doing, when I get out again. Becky

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[snipped] Anyway just thought I’d share something positive for a change and maybe give encouragement to those feeling there is no hope, that really there is. The biggist lesson I’ve had to learn is how to recognise when I’ve had enough and to be kind to myself. It is sometimes the hardest thing to do.. just to be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Wishing you all well Linda.

thank you linda for sharing…. {huggles} keep working on it.. hard work, but i’ve been told its all worth it   love and huggles susan

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One of Prozac’s known side effects is an anorectic effect – it is typical to lose 8 pound in the first two months, if I remember the info correctly. It is sometimes prescribed instead of fenfluramine when weight loss is desirable. You can get anxiety while taking it.  The medicine is used for many conditions, for example, I take it for narcolepsy because I have attacks of cataplexy – when all of my muscles paralyze because my brain goes into an unexpected REM state, and the body freezes so you can’t act out your dreams.  Prozac inhibits REM sleep, so it is used for this purpose. You may want to discuss the dosage.  40 MG caused me to have hand shaking and nervousness; when the dosage was cut to 20, the symptoms disappeared. There are other medications in the SSRI class such as Zoloft which affect the brain chemistry slightly differently.  If you don’t get improvement soon, ask your doctor about switching meds.   As for the sleeping pills, you may have an underlying sleep disorder.  I have a chronic pain disorder fibromyalgia and as part of that, my brain sends signals to my body to wake up whenever I enter the deep phase of sleep.  It’s called alpha/delta disturbance and is helped by taking another antidepressant of the tricyclic class, such as Vivactil.  Depression and anxiety are common symptoms of both fibromyalgia and narcolepsy.  They are both thought due in part to problems in the seratonin level – a problem that Prozac affects.  

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Hi to you all out there, Just an up date on some progress I’ve made. I think it’s important to report on progress as it does happen.. and I would have never believed that a few months ago. I was referred to a pscyh clinic two months ago  and put on 40mgs of Prozac and sleeping pills. At first I felt confused and depressed. For the first time I was admitting I had a REAL problem and not some silly habit. The doctor I am seeing won’t give me any real therpy until the prozac kicks in and I stablise. I think I am there now, or almost. I havn’t b/p in over two weeks and I am eating regular meals. My moods have levelled and I no longer wish to harm myself. I could not have even come this far without the help and advice I received from this group, my doctor and the people I trust and love enough to share my now admitted problem. The doctor tells me it’s early days and I believe him. I can’t let  go of the need to loose weight. Every morning I jump on the scales and if I am up I ration my food for the day. I am half scared of becomming anorixic.. my biggist problem was bulemia. Has anyone else gone through this. Is it a phase or am I now dealing with anorixic tendendicies also. Early days indeed. Anyway just thought I’d share something positive for a change and maybe give encouragement to those feeling there is no hope, that really there is. The biggist lesson I’ve had to learn is how to recognise when I’ve had enough and to be kind to myself. It is sometimes the hardest thing to do.. just to be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Wishing you all well Linda.

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speck Do what you need to do, ok ? Ber

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Hey, Speck, You don’t need to justify to us your reasons for going back on the AD’s. It’s blatantly obvious that you care very much for your little one and I know you make all of your decisions carefully.  Actually, I’m glad to hear you are going to be taking them again–I hope they really help. Love, Butterflies

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I know some people aren’t going to agree with this

you know what?  who cares.  you need to do what is good for you b/c in the end-what’s good for you is good for baby speck.  my favorite ob/gyn attending used to say that the best thing you could do for a baby was make sure he/she had a healthy mom. when i did ob/gyn, we had a lot of moms who were on prozac and the ob/gyns never batted an eye (which is a bloody miracle if you’ve ever dealt with trying to give a prospective mom meds and getting it past her ob/gyn!!!).  take care of you and the rest will follow.

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(((((speck)))) that is so cute about the babies heartbeat!!!! congrates!!!! if the meds are not going to be harmful to the baby and are helping I think it is good for you to take them, although I am no doctor! well hope you have a wounderfull day!!!! Luvs… —        ~*rAiNbOw*~ ~ The soul would have no rainbow, if the eyes had no tears ~ www.geocities.com/spreadingarainbow/index.html

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know some people aren’t going to agree with this, but here goes.  I’ve decided to go back on antidepressants, after talking with my therapist and midwife.  I am really doing badly, and this is affecting my diet and general health, which can’t be good for the baby.  There is a lot of evidence that ADs are safe in pregnancy, and I have made it through the most important part (first trimester) med free (except for occasional asthma meds).  I am already feeling more motivated to stop binging and start exercising more regularly.  This decision has definitely lifted a weight off of me.  I feel like I can start focusing on becoming a mother! speck P.S. I heard Baby Speck’s heartbeat again yesterday, and it was so much stronger and louder than last time!  The midwife said that it was the best one she’d heard all day! — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:

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Speck:  good for you!  Sarahrein Justice – When you get what you deserve Mercy – When you don’t get what you deserve Grace – When you get what you don’t deserve "Hunger hurts but starving works when it costs

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I know some people aren’t going to agree with this, but here goes.  I’ve decided to go back on antidepressants, after talking with my therapist and midwife.  I am really doing badly, and this is affecting my diet and general health, which can’t be good for the baby.  There is a lot of evidence that ADs are safe in pregnancy, and I have made it through the most important part (first trimester) med free (except for occasional asthma meds).  I am already feeling more motivated to stop binging and start exercising more regularly.  This decision has definitely lifted a weight off of me.  I feel like I can start focusing on becoming a mother! speck P.S. I heard Baby Speck’s heartbeat again yesterday, and it was so much stronger and louder than last time!  The midwife said that it was the best one she’d heard all day! — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:

Response:

Hi Speck I’m pleased to hear you’re feeling better now. Like you said, you’ve made it through the first trimester, which is the most crucial stage of development, so you did well to hold on as well as you did. Re: exercise. What they did near to me what ante-natal exercise in the local swimming pool. I never got around to it, but it sounded like a good idea as the water helps support you. Great to hear Baby Speck doing well. enjoy every moment, because it all goes so fast. My youngest, Harry, is now in his own bed and I can’t believe it. (He’s 21 months) He mastered climbing out of his cot, so that was it. Best wishes Maria

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know some people aren’t going to agree with this, but here goes.  I’ve decided to go back on antidepressants, after talking with my therapist and midwife.  I am really doing badly, and this is affecting my diet and general health, which can’t be good for the baby.  There is a lot of evidence that ADs are safe in pregnancy, and I have made it through the most important part (first trimester) med free (except for occasional asthma meds).  I am already feeling more motivated to stop binging and start exercising more regularly.  This decision has definitely lifted a weight off of me.  I feel like I can start focusing on becoming a mother! speck P.S. I heard Baby Speck’s heartbeat again yesterday, and it was so much stronger and louder than last time!  The midwife said that it was the best one she’d heard all day! — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:

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((((((((((((EARS))))))))))00000    THATS WONDERFUL   that you can express your feeling honestly and said what was on your mind that is major progress YOU GO  girl.   and truely you are making such progress i’m so happy for you cause you deserve it  . keeping you in my thoughts and prayers   love kelli – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘ello!  Well went to therapy today…..and that went pretty good.  Actually it was one of our better sessions.  I said what was on my mind, for the most part, instead of keeping it to myself.  Like for example I said to her this, "Sometimes I wonder if I still need therapy, ya know…because I am not suicidal anymore, and not so depressed anymore…"  I was really glad I said that, cuz normaly I just would have kept that to myself.  And instead by saying  this, it was being honest about my feelings!  [smiles]  I still don’t know if I want to try and find a new therapist or not.  It’s not an easy decison, and I am going to give some more time to ponder on it, and think about it, and write about it….  I mean, my therapist is so wonderful, and so good…it’s just well, I don’t know, it’s just something she doesn’t have that I am looking for.  And like I have said before, maybe I am just longing for my former therapist/psychiatrist, ( the one that moved ).  I have a lot of grief from nothing that has to be decided upon today…so, well, I am just not going to fret over it!  I am going to relax, and go with the flow of the tide!  [smiles]  I just need to be grateful that I do have a wonderful therapist for right now!   }:}i{:{   Ears You did then what you knew how to do; and when you knew better, you did better.   – Maya Angelou Visit my web page… " Quiet No More." http://members.aol.com/earswlthfeet/HomePage1.html

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‘ello!  Well went to therapy today…..and that went pretty good.  Actually it was one of our better sessions.  I said what was on my mind, for the most part, instead of keeping it to myself.  Like for example I said to her this, "Sometimes I wonder if I still need therapy, ya know…because I am not suicidal anymore, and not so depressed anymore…"  I was really glad I said that, cuz normaly I just would have kept that to myself.  And instead by saying  this, it was being honest about my feelings!  [smiles]  I still don’t know if I want to try and find a new therapist or not.  It’s not an easy decison, and I am going to give some more time to ponder on it, and think about it, and write about it….  I mean, my therapist is so wonderful, and so good…it’s just well, I don’t know, it’s just something she doesn’t have that I am looking for.  And like I have said before, maybe I am just longing for my former therapist/psychiatrist, ( the one that moved ).  I have a lot of grief from nothing that has to be decided upon today…so, well, I am just not going to fret over it!  I am going to relax, and go with the flow of the tide!  [smiles]  I just need to be grateful that I do have a wonderful therapist for right now!   }:}i{:{   Ears You did then what you knew how to do; and when you knew better, you did better.   – Maya Angelou Visit my web page… " Quiet No More." http://members.aol.com/earswlthfeet/HomePage1.html

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(((((Ears))))) You are doing great.  It’s good to hear you sounding so sure of yourself and really thinking about things, being in touch with your feelings. Just wanted to let you know you are still in my thoughts and prayers Love Mimi Before you buy.

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Koosh PLEASE dont use those Metabolife Pills…they containe Ma Huang, which is  a Chinese name for ephedrine, which can speed your heart beat to dangerous levels. Also, it has caffeine, which can give you that jittery feeling. Its not FDA regulated, so they can do anything they want with products like these. Reconsider taking them, ok? I just dont want to see anything happen to you. Also, I understand how you feel about friends hurting you. I had that happen pretty recently and the pain was so intense I wanted to die. I thought this person was my best friend and then something happened that shouldnt have torn us apart, but did. I did everything in my power to salvage the friendship, and I miss this person very much (the first best friend I had had since I can remember,…and the first person I opened myself up to completely). Hang in there my friend… Love Nikki "… lost in the darkness of my own circumstance, criticizing echoes leaving me awake in the night… the barrier and blockades that keep me safe and in control while I pretend that I am okay… "

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hello everyone… i feel like i have not posted in ages.  So much has been happening. For starters, i’ve made the decision to take a semester off school.  I’ve recently been very hurt by some people that i thought were my best friends here at school… i feel very betrayed and just really hurt.  its been really difficult for me to deal with.  With all the confusion i too have been feeling over deciding on a major, and the lack of direction and motivation i’ve had with school….i really feel confident about my decision.  its not going to be forever.. just for a semester… but i need the break. Ed wise… i’ll spoiler for mention of body image issues    While i have occassionally been resorting to ed behavior throughout this whole thing, which has been very devastating for me, i’m still not doing as bad as i was last year at this time.  However, i am feeling more uncomfortable with my body than ever.  My clothes are so tight, and i just feel so fat.  My boyfriend mentioned to me that i have put on a bit of weight since school started, however, its nothing THAT noticable.  He still insists that he loves my body just the way it is.. and in fact, he said he’d rather i gain 100 lbs and get heavy, than become all boney…. which i guess was good for me to hear… but just hearing comments like these in general make me more focused on weight…. I just can not accept myself.  I feel like my life is undergoing all these changes, and i feel like i’m losing a lot of friends.  Its sad, but after the sense of betrayal i’ve felt from my real life "friends", i feel more so than ever before, that myself and my ED are the only things i can truly rely on to always be there.  I think that has a lot to do with why i’ve been so focused on my body  lately… that and the fact that i really have gained weight.. and really CAN feel it in my clothes, which serves as a constant reminder.  Its so annoying… i wish i could do something instantly to make me feel less claustrophobic in my body……. but this just isn’t posssible i bought some Metabolife pills last weekend. has anyone ever used these?  i hope nothing bad happens with them… its weird because in the store i got into an argument with my boyfriend about it.  He said i didn’t need to be taking them.  THEN the very next day, he was asking me why i hadn’t started them yet…. arggghhhhh… oh god i wish i could jus stop eating altogether… why does everything seem like it will all be fine if i could just do this one thing? so that’s what’s been up… tis the season, right? koosh

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Dreaming

Question:

On Sat, 11 Dec 2004 11:27:49 -0500, "DocVoodoo" <bjn…@hotmail.com> wrote: >Well it depends If your haveing Vivid Dreams then it could be that you have >REM related Sleep Apnea. You are Awakened dureing REM and thats why you >remeber your Dreams so well.

Interesting thread. I have severe OSA, and have been using CPAP for last five years now. I often get vivid dreams – and mostly the content is neutral or pleasant, and only rarely frightening.  Curiously, the dreams are often very detailed, quite colourful and sometimes involve people I’ve never seen before, with plots that seem almost movie-like, or offering a clarity that borders on life-like. Sometimes I’ve awoken from a dream slightly dismayed, and gone back to sleep fascinated and hoping I can find out how the dream ends. However, I find that if I’m awoken while in REM sleep or just coming out of it, I’m very groggy and sluggish. The grogginess is bothersome. Recounting the dream content to my fianc

Cataplexy and CPAP

Question:

Hello all, Am new here – have been lurking  for a couple of weeks.  I appreciate and value all of you, the comfort this group has given me is immeasurable.  Now I need some info, please!! I have Narcolepsy, Obstructive Apnea and Restless Leg Syndrome.  Am taking meds for the Narcolepsy and RLS but do not have a CPAP yet (no insurance).  At my last Dr. appointment I complained of still having a lot of Cataplexy attacks and was told that they will stop as soon as I get my CPAP machine.  My research has led me to understand that the CPAP is used to treat Apnea, not Narcolepsy and that Cataplexy is exclusive to Narcolepsy.  Question is: am I crazy or is it my Doctor?                                                               Thank You, Merry

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Cataplexy is typically seen in persons with narcolepsy.  Can be effectively rated be the use of tricyclic antidepressants, such as imipramine or protriptyline. This is from my sleep disorders book. Your doctor is not crazy, just stupid. Merry Anne <ma…@poncacity.net> wrote in message

news:i4bE4.93023$Pa1.2534575@news6.giganews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello all, > Am new here – have been lurking  for a couple of weeks.  I appreciate and > value all of you, the comfort this group has given me is immeasurable. Now > I need some info, please!! I have Narcolepsy, Obstructive Apnea and Restless > Leg Syndrome.  Am taking meds for the Narcolepsy and RLS but do not have a > CPAP yet (no insurance).  At my last Dr. appointment I complained of still > having a lot of Cataplexy attacks and was told that they will stop as soon > as I get my CPAP machine.  My research has led me to understand that the > CPAP is used to treat Apnea, not Narcolepsy and that Cataplexy is exclusive > to Narcolepsy.  Question is: am I crazy or is it my Doctor? >                                                               Thank You, > Merry

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Ritalin SR connection with ADD (inattentive) and Narcolaspy?

Question:

You know, it was interesting…for a while – before I was diagnosed with ADD – I was *convinced* that I had a degree of narcolepsy.  I had had almost all the symptoms, including an occasional occurrance of sleep paralysis.   But it turns out that my main ’sypmtoms’ – being ALWAYS drowsy; could easily fall asleep anytime, any place – was due in part to the SSRIs I had been consistently taking for the previous 2 years.  After I got off them I realized that they were the source of my constant sleepiness. And then I realized that it was no wonder that I thought I had been narcoleptic!  Here I was, inattentively "out of it" to begin with, unknowingly taking a medication that was making me drowsy… That combonation just made sleep only a nod away, no matter what I was doing! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –          Well. . . actually, narcolepsy isn’t "falling asleep without warning"; it causes extreme tiredness (and you can fall asleep nearly instantly) and cataplexy (loss of muscle strength under the right emotional circumstances) which can look like falling asleep.        There isn’t a connection, really.  It’s just that people with narcolepsy suffer from extreme tiredness, so they’re given stimulants to help moderate that tiredness.  However, inattentive ADDers can become extremely tired, as well. . .it’s a kind of fazing out of everything that makes you tired (at least, that’s how it was with me).      If you have that, you can look like you have a sleep disorder. Plus, a sleep disorder can look like ADD.  But it’s not a connection per se.

Response:

I have narcolepsy and suspect ADD also. I take Provigil for the narcolepsy and find it works well. ALso works for the inattentiveness that I think is the ADD. If you havent had a sleep study, do it immediately. Sometimes what you think is narcolepsy is actually sleep apnea. But again the only way to really know is to get a sleep study. Stefanie "Give of yourself unto others and to life, for what you reap is beyond measure or compare" Me…

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi, all I have been taking Ritilian SR 20mg 2 twice a day for the last week, and I have to say the improvement in my concentration and sleeping have been monumental. I have more energy and yet, I am calmer. Before treatment I could only sleep two or three hours continuously. I thought this was related to working third shift and having inconsistent sleep cycles. Now, I am able to sleep 5 to 7 and don’t feel lathargic during the day. My concentration has improved to where I can study something for 3 or 4 hours without self-interuption. I was wondering what the connection is between ADD (inattentive) and narcolaspy, (the sleep disorder where people fall asleep instanteously without realization ) because my prescription for Ritilian SR was used to treat both conditions.

         Well. . . actually, narcolepsy isn’t "falling asleep without warning"; it causes extreme tiredness (and you can fall asleep nearly instantly) and cataplexy (loss of muscle strength under the right emotional circumstances) which can look like falling asleep.        There isn’t a connection, really.  It’s just that people with narcolepsy suffer from extreme tiredness, so they’re given stimulants to help moderate that tiredness.  However, inattentive ADDers can become extremely tired, as well. . .it’s a kind of fazing out of everything that makes you tired (at least, that’s how it was with me).      If you have that, you can look like you have a sleep disorder. Plus, a sleep disorder can look like ADD.  But it’s not a connection per se.

Response:

. Before treatment I could only sleep two or three hours continuously. I thought this was related to working third shift and having inconsistent sleep cycles.

If you aren’t getting any sleep, you can’t think I was wondering what the connection is between ADD (inattentive) and narcolaspy, (the sleep disorder where people fall asleep instanteously without realization ) because my prescription for Ritilian SR was used to treat both conditions.

You might be getting some good sleep now because of the rebound from rit.  you are staying awake and focused for extended times during your wake cycle, so you are pooped out enough to get some sleep.   also, add’ers tend to (what I call) self stimulate, or ‘they just dont wanna go to bed at night’ at bedtime.  this can look like the form of narcolepsy that is ‘excessive daytime sleepyness’ just from not enough sleep. on the other hand, have you had a sleep study?  (go to a sleep lab, get hooked up with eeg wires, get watched/monitored during sleep cycle, then also during wake cycle.  this checks for apnea, and then for how fast you drop off for a nap)   This might show other reasons for poor sleep – twichy legs, sleep paralisis, nightmares, etc. Your milage may vary, I’m not a M.D., see your physician, yadda yadda. Renee

Response:

Hi, all I have been taking Ritilian SR 20mg 2 twice a day for the last week, and I have to say the improvement in my concentration and sleeping have been monumental. I have more energy and yet, I am calmer. Before treatment I could only sleep two or three hours continuously. I thought this was related to working third shift and having inconsistent sleep cycles. Now, I am able to sleep 5 to 7 and don’t feel lathargic during the day. My concentration has improved to where I can study something for 3 or 4 hours without self-interuption. I was wondering what the connection is between ADD (inattentive) and narcolaspy, (the sleep disorder where people fall asleep instanteously without realization ) because my prescription for Ritilian SR was used to treat both conditions.

Response:

[ . . . ] I was wondering what the connection is between ADD (inattentive) and narcolaspy, (the sleep disorder where people fall asleep instanteously without realization ) because my prescription for Ritilian SR was used to treat both conditions.

I don’t know about narcolepsy, but I have sleep apnea. E. Penrose

Response:

[ . . . ] I was wondering what the connection is between ADD (inattentive) and narcolaspy, (the sleep disorder where people fall asleep instanteously without realization ) because my prescription for Ritilian SR was used to treat both conditions. I don’t know about narcolepsy, but I have sleep apnea. E. Penrose

I have sleep apnea also, but not unbearably bad, but that only raises more questions. If sleep apnea is the problem, why would Ritilian SR help? The sleep apnea is an airway obstruction right, how might this be related to better sleep? Peace, Terry

Response:

People with sleep apnea never hit the deepest levels of sleep, and thus are more often than not, fatigued upon waking.  Also, they stop breathing, which wakes them slightly, and destroys the sleep rhythm. Kate Coe – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – [ . . . ] I was wondering what the connection is between ADD (inattentive) and narcolaspy, (the sleep disorder where people fall asleep instanteously without realization ) because my prescription for Ritilian SR was used to treat both conditions. I don’t know about narcolepsy, but I have sleep apnea. E. Penrose I have sleep apnea also, but not unbearably bad, but that only raises more questions. If sleep apnea is the problem, why would Ritilian SR help? The sleep apnea is an airway obstruction right, how might this be related to better sleep? Peace, Terry

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