Going off the deep end…
Question:
another BTW: congrats on ur smoking stop…from another smoker of 26 or so – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – BTW, today is 10 weeks w/o a cigarette after smoking over a pack a day for 26 yrs and never being able to quit for longer than a day and Day 5 without any patches. Something in my life is going right.
Response:
My son is 12, he was in Cub Scouts for 2 years and got the Arrow of Light and last year, "we" won the speed contest for the den and 3rd in the pack in the Pinewood Derby. I have been with him on all of his campouts (going this weekend, Friday night through Sunday) and all of his other activities. He’s a Tenderfoot and about 90% of the way towards 2nd class. Someone just came into my office to drop off some paperwork, she is an ordained minister, and asked how it was going. She said just let go and put it in God’s hands and that I would be amazed at what He can do. Everyone (probably a dozen ppl or so in the past 4 months) I have talked with that is a Christian has told me not to give up, not to stop trying, to believe with all of my heart that it will happen. The ONLY person in real life that has told me to give it up was my ex’s college friend, who is 42, from a broken home, bitter towards her father and has never been in a relationship with a male. Even my ex has said that she can’t say it will or won’t happen, that if it’s God’s will, we’ll be back together and it will be of His timing, not hers or mine. Yet in the meantime, she’s involved with some guy that she met on the net who happens to be a trophy stud. I’m going freakin NUTS!
Response:
David several years ago I also had these reactions while on Zoloft anger, insomnia, felt very anxious and nervous, a stronger dosage made it worse. Try another med. Paxil worked better for me? Lori Mc
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I thought I was getting better but I’m really not. I’ve been on Zoloft for 8 weeks and I think I’ve gotten worse. I’m afraid to stop taking it and afraid to continue taking it, calling the dr. today and calling insurance company to get a referral to a shrink. Laid in bed and stared at a dark wall for 4 hours last night, finally fell asleep around midnight, woke up at 1:30, again at 4:00, again at 6:20, laid in bed, thought about calling in sick, got up at 6:40, 15 minutes late to work. Called the ex and screamed at her around 7 last night, I want back so bad I can’t stand it. Called her back and apologized. Last Monday night when I bought my son his Bible, then went to eat, then had our man to man talk about the birds and the bees, erections, wet dreams and responsibility, going to the Boy Scout meeting with him, felt so great to be a real dad and then the next night, nothing but an empty apartment. I adore my son, I love my ex dearly and I hate my fucking life right now. I saw somebody made mention of alt.sucide.methods, went there and found it to be hilarious, in fact, has made me laugh harder and feel better than I have in weeks. WTF is wrong with me and what do I do???
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Response:
Going through a lot of the same emotions, although from a different perspective. Just thought I would agree with the med change. My stbx was on Zoloft for a year and it did help but then the effects started to disappear. Since his change to Effexor, he has felt a lot more centered and on track. Good luck. Keep in mind all of the advice; it is amazing how important it is just to remember to breathe sometimes and let everything else take care of itself for a while. (It will all come back to worry you, whether you want it to or not). Alberta Girl
Response:
Hey man, don’t wimp out now.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I thought I was getting better but I’m really not. I’ve been on Zoloft for 8 weeks and I think I’ve gotten worse. I’m afraid to stop taking it and afraid to continue taking it, calling the dr. today and calling insurance company to get a referral to a shrink. Laid in bed and stared at a dark wall for 4 hours last night, finally fell asleep around midnight, woke up at 1:30, again at 4:00, again at 6:20, laid in bed, thought about calling in sick, got up at 6:40, 15 minutes late to work. Called the ex and screamed at her around 7 last night, I want back so bad I can’t stand it. Called her back and apologized. Last Monday night when I bought my son his Bible, then went to eat, then had our man to man talk about the birds and the bees, erections, wet dreams and responsibility, going to the Boy Scout meeting with him, felt so great to be a real dad and then the next night, nothing but an empty apartment. I adore my son, I love my ex dearly and I hate my fucking life right now. I saw somebody made mention of alt.sucide.methods, went there and found it to be hilarious, in fact, has made me laugh harder and feel better than I have in weeks. WTF is wrong with me
Nothing much is wrong with you. At least no more than someone who’s going through some grief from loss and trying to make the best of drastically changed circumstances. I appreciate that this change is not comfortable, but I’ve been there myself and I can reassure you, it is more your change of circumstances rather than at all that you’re losing your mind. and what do I do???
What I found was most helpful myself back then was just long walks. Oh, I suppose any kind of physically taxing activity would do. But for me, it was mainly long walks — it taxed me physically, helped reduced my anxiety and nervous energy (which in turn helped me sleep better), afforded me some fresh air (which helped me think better considering the fog my mind was in), and it was an activity I could do even if I was seemingly numb and brain dead (walking does not require much concentration). I also found working was helpful, if only to distract my attention to at least one area of my life where I had some control. And yet at other times, I would just go over to my brother & his wife’s home and sit on the sofa like a veg. I didn’t have much energy to be entertaining, but I did find comfort in just being around others (those who were seeming more sane than I felt I was) while they just went about their normal daily life. So there’s three things you can do: long walks; work; being a veg while in the presence of "sane people" who are just going about their daily life. Hope that’s of some help, CJ
Response:
Ok, barged into my Dr’s office right beofre lunch, he wasn’t in, talked to his nurse who contacted one of my Dr’s associates. Told them Zoloft wasn’t cutting it, I felt worse and I was afraid to continue taking it and afraid to stop taking it. I was told to cut my dosage in half for 7 days then start taking Effexor, said Zoloft just doesn’t work with some ppl. I don’t know, have not been through this cesspool of crap before. Also, called my Ins. company and got a referrel to a psychologist…a Christian male, has practiced for 30 yrs, retired Lt. Col from the Air Force, a 25 min. drive away, appt. for Monday…looking forward to camping this weekend with my son. I don’t know if this shit is from not smoking for 10 weeks or what but it’s absolutely horrible. I want my life back and more than that, I want my family back 
I know I messed up, have just been hoping we could rise above it and I know as long as I try to take care of it, it will never happen. I just want my family back.
Response:
My son is 12, he was in Cub Scouts for 2 years and got the Arrow of Light and last year, "we" won the speed contest for the den and 3rd in the pack in the Pinewood Derby. I have been with him on all of his campouts (going this weekend, Friday night through Sunday) and all of his other activities. He’s a Tenderfoot and about 90% of the way towards 2nd class.
My son’s a boy scout, almost 16, and one rank away from Eagle! I remember those pinewood derbys, too! This weekend they’re going to learn to shoot 22’s out in the desert (oh my gawd!)… Scouting is a good program, and be sure to encourage your son to stay with it. If your son is interested, perhaps my son would want to correspond with him sometime regarding scouts. So many of the boys drop out of scouting by the time they are in Jr. High or so. I hope your son stays with it. You stay involved, too!!! 
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My son is 12, he was in Cub Scouts for 2 years and got the Arrow of Light and last year, "we" won the speed contest for the den and 3rd in the pack in the Pinewood Derby. I have been with him on all of his campouts (going this weekend, Friday night through Sunday) and all of his other activities. He’s a Tenderfoot and about 90% of the way towards 2nd class. Someone just came into my office to drop off some paperwork, she is an ordained minister, and asked how it was going. She said just let go and put it in God’s hands and that I would be amazed at what He can do. Everyone (probably a dozen ppl or so in the past 4 months) I have talked with that is a Christian has told me not to give up, not to stop trying, to believe with all of my heart that it will happen. The ONLY person in real life that has told me to give it up was my ex’s college friend, who is 42, from a broken home, bitter towards her father and has never been in a relationship with a male. Even my ex has said that she can’t say it will or won’t happen, that if it’s God’s will, we’ll be back together and it will be of His timing, not hers or mine. Yet in the meantime, she’s involved with some guy that she met on the net who happens to be a trophy stud. I’m going freakin NUTS!
Here’s another aphorism for you: hope for the best, but plan for the worst. David, there is a very strong, very real possibility that despite your every effort, your wife will never be able to get past what you did to her and come back. And if hanging onto that hope is turning you into a basket case (one that calls her up and screams at her, then has to call back to apologize)–well, that’s not very attractive, is it? I’m not very much of a Christian, but I still can "talk the language" enough to say that your minister friend is absolutely right: if you let go, you will be amazed at what will happen (whether you attribute it to God, or just the way that human minds work). The thing is, though–you don’t know what the amazing outcome will be! One amazing outcome would be that she does reconcile and you rebuild a fantastic marriage. But there are other, in my view, more likely amazing outcomes that are possible as well: you might be amazed to find that, after letting go and rebuilding a life without her, that you can actually be happy on your own! Or, you might rebuild your life without her and find someone else equally wonderful to share it with. Either way, you might be amazed that the two of you can continue to provide the love and support your son needs, even if you’re not together.
Response:
Last Monday night when I bought my son his Bible, then went to eat, then had our man to man talk about the birds and the bees, erections, wet dreams and responsibility, going to the Boy Scout meeting with him, felt so great to be a real dad and then the next night, nothing but an empty apartment. I adore my son,
This is the painful part of being ncp. The goodbyes. I’ve been doing it now for over 4 years, and the goodbyes still hurt. My 20-min. drive home is my "transition" time, where i play loud music, sing, and usually cry. I used to consider driving off the side of the road, but i don’t anymore…. I can’t say that it gets better, in that regard, but only that you get more "used" to it. It still hurts just as much. One minute being all "parent" and the next minute being without the kids. It helps to phone them often, and also to be around people who don’t mind you talking about your kids a lot (i do that here, too!)…. The worst thing you can do, IMO, is try to deny those feelings and act like you don’t even HAVE kids on the days you don’t see them… it just makes it worse. My desk at work is full of their pictures, a wall in my room at home looks like a danged shrine to them (and they know it)… When i look back at old posts from 3 or so years ago, where i went on and on about "my babies" and getting up in the middle of the night writing how much i want to hold them, i can see that i’ve managed the feelings a bit better… But they’re still there….
Response:
thanks for the RE:….pinewood derbies! i remember them well….all happy memories!! takes a month to build and a few minutes to race but worth every minute (every second actually)…for a couple of yrs in cub scouts we built gutter boat kits. they were fun too but not as much as the derby cars. i sure miss those days. i wish my health would allow me to still go on the campouts. but he is 14 and doesnt really need daddy to hold his hand anymore. i didnt miss any campouts in the cubs but heart probs keep me close to hospitals now days….my sons got a campout this WE also in the taller mountains (actually foothills) in ARK…….between grades and respect and scouts i am very proud of – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My son is 12, he was in Cub Scouts for 2 years and got the Arrow of Light and last year, "we" won the speed contest for the den and 3rd in the pack in the Pinewood Derby. I have been with him on all of his campouts (going this weekend, Friday night through Sunday) and all of his other activities. He’s a Tenderfoot and about 90% of the way towards 2nd class. Someone just came into my office to drop off some paperwork, she is an ordained minister, and asked how it was going. She said just let go and put it in God’s hands and that I would be amazed at what He can do. Everyone (probably a dozen ppl or so in the past 4 months) I have talked with that is a Christian has told me not to give up, not to stop trying, to believe with all of my heart that it will happen. The ONLY person in real life that has told me to give it up was my ex’s college friend, who is 42, from a broken home, bitter towards her father and has never been in a relationship with a male. Even my ex has said that she can’t say it will or won’t happen, that if it’s God’s will, we’ll be back together and it will be of His timing, not hers or mine. Yet in the meantime, she’s involved with some guy that she met on the net who happens to be a trophy stud. I’m going freakin NUTS!
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I thought I was getting better but I’m really not. I’ve been on Zoloft for 8 weeks and I think I’ve gotten worse. I’m afraid to stop taking it and afraid to continue taking it, calling the dr. today and calling insurance company to get a referral to a shrink. Laid in bed and stared at a dark wall for 4 hours last night, finally fell asleep around midnight, woke up at 1:30, again at 4:00, again at 6:20, laid in bed, thought about calling in sick, got up at 6:40, 15 minutes late to work. Called the ex and screamed at her around 7 last night, I want back so bad I can’t stand it. Called her back and apologized. Last Monday night when I bought my son his Bible, then went to eat, then had our man to man talk about the birds and the bees, erections, wet dreams and responsibility, going to the Boy Scout meeting with him, felt so great to be a real dad and then the next night, nothing but an empty apartment. I adore my son, I love my ex dearly and I hate my fucking life right now. I saw somebody made mention of alt.sucide.methods, went there and found it to be hilarious, in fact, has made me laugh harder and feel better than I have in weeks. WTF is wrong with me and what do I do???
There’s not much you *can* do but ride it out. What’s the alternative? You have a child and have to maintain sanity for his sake. Personally, I don’t like the idea of masking the anxiety with drugs. I think if we have been emotionally stable throughout our lives, we have the coping skills already and must use them to stay strong. You must take one day at a time, even a minute at a time if it’s necessary. Don’t overwhelm yourself with thoughts of the future, tomorrow, tonight. Keep busy and maintain your parent status. Your kid needs a functioning father.
Response:
‘WTF’ is wrong with you??…id say nuthing!…..would imagine your going thru the normal grief period as many of us did……sleep probs, been there. didnt get on zoloft but went to MD and told him story, he diagnosed it as situational depression. prescribed ambein. gave me 2 wks worth. slept like a baby and got my sleep rythum back. aint nuthin like a good nites sleep!!! ran out of his pills but still had my sleep pattern back…made all the diff in the world!!!…i assure u and all here im not trying to second guess ur doctor, just that a clear as much as u can. i figure u know that tho (scouts = one of the most special things in our life, working on life rank. then EAGLE!)…….my prayers and hope up to in scouts? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I thought I was getting better but I’m really not. I’ve been on Zoloft for 8 weeks and I think I’ve gotten worse. I’m afraid to stop taking it and afraid to continue taking it, calling the dr. today and calling insurance company to get a referral to a shrink. Laid in bed and stared at a dark wall for 4 hours last night, finally fell asleep around midnight, woke up at 1:30, again at 4:00, again at 6:20, laid in bed, thought about calling in sick, got up at 6:40, 15 minutes late to work. Called the ex and screamed at her around 7 last night, I want back so bad I can’t stand it. Called her back and apologized. Last Monday night when I bought my son his Bible, then went to eat, then had our man to man talk about the birds and the bees, erections, wet dreams and responsibility, going to the Boy Scout meeting with him, felt so great to be a real dad and then the next night, nothing but an empty apartment. I adore my son, I love my ex dearly and I hate my fucking life right now. I saw somebody made mention of alt.sucide.methods, went there and found it to be hilarious, in fact, has made me laugh harder and feel better than I have in weeks. WTF is wrong with me and what do I do???
Response:
BTW, today is 10 weeks w/o a cigarette after smoking over a pack a day for 26 yrs and never being able to quit for longer than a day and Day 5 without any patches. Something in my life is going right.
That is EXCELLENT David.. you should be proud… you will be setting a very good example for your son. Cal~
Response:
See, Dave, there is GOOD in your life… Now go find another GOOD then, then another…. (get the idea?) You have friends here who care about ya… How cool is that???? Cheryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – BTW, today is 10 weeks w/o a cigarette after smoking over a pack a day for 26 yrs and never being able to quit for longer than a day and Day 5 without any patches. Something in my life is going right.
Response:
David, I’m so very glad you are calling your dr today. It could be that you need a stronger dosage on the AD than you currently have. It sometimes takes a while to find just the right med and strength that helps you past the worst of it all, without completely numbing you into a zombie. It does sound as if what you’re feeling is very normal… you are on the roller coaster that divorce is.. and it isn’t a fun ride… As to what’s wrong with you… well… you made some very bad choices, you’ve faced up to your mistakes, but you are unfortunately suffering the consequences. I hope you and your wife will be able to work things out, but if not, you need to just keep breathing and take it one day at a time. Yes those are clich
