Morning problems
Question:
I think NOT.
Uhm, actually JT is right. Having worked with domestic violence victims, it is common knowledge that a victim of DV is justified in defending themselves. Read up a little, and you won’t look so foolish next time. And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house) Defense of domestic violence is justified, sorry. YOU would be cooling your heels in jail. — Jack Tarkaan –
— ~Nancy~ Mom to Emily 2/14/00 and Wally 1/13/84 Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? Between the circadian rhythm thing for older teens and the fact that he should be taking responsibility for himself, you are in an interesting spot. I would suggest reframing the question. How can the young man’s responsibility for himself be promoted and yet he still meet his obligations? Is it possible to change his commitments/obligations to start later in the day and that he start taking responsibility, entirely, for getting up and going in the a.m.? Might be your best shot to reduce tensions and help him to problem solve successfully. I have a friend who’s teenage son went through a very similar period from about age 16 to about age 24. He lost a couple jobs that he really did not want to loose because of it. He just slept so soundly that even standing him up was not a sure fire way to get him up in time for work in the morning. He finally developed a system, on his own, where he used several alarm clocks set for several minutes apart and placed strategically at points that required him to walk further and further form the bed to turn off. They were horribly obnoxious ones, on top of that. He also talked things through with one boss [he was a diner cook at the time] and convinced him to start him for the mid-morning instead of 6 a.m. Between the later start time and the alarm clock system he finally kept his job. He has much less difficulty now, but he is also in his later 20’s and getting beyond the circadian rhythm problem. -Aula
– I find it amazing that any of you would put up with a child yelling and swearing at you. I simply would not. I don’t swear at my kids and they had better not swear at me. At 18 a "child" is surely old enough to get their butt out of bed and take care of their responsibilites. If they haven’t taken any responsibility for their life by then then the parent has done a lousy job of teaching them. I don’t by the sleep cycle thing at all. My 15 year old gets up an hour early BY CHOICE to do extra studying and jog or work out. On weekends he sleeps in. Does he enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn? NO. But during the week he knows he has things to do. He has goals and does what he needs to do to obtain them (his goals not mine). My grown daughter was the same way as a teen. Steve you might have people pay more attention to your posts or actually read them if you learned some grown up words in place of the 4 letter words. Sorry you are in the killfile. Dana & Juan’s Magic http://www.geocities.com/hafmagic/hidden-acre-farms.html
Response:
I think NOT. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house) Defense of domestic violence is justified, sorry. YOU would be cooling your heels in jail.
Response:
Unfortunately, this is what happens. Kids are allowed to make the rules, then pretty soon you have an 18 year old who doesn’t want to get up and go to work and or school. We had a similar situation – had to toss son – he got in a lot of trouble, and is now back, following the rules, and getting himself out of trouble. However in deference to Steve, we do not "commiserate" with him, because what he did was stupid. We simply stopped trying to show him the right path when he became so stubborn he wouldn’t listen. Some kids just have to have the "school of hard knocks". They are stubborn and have to learn the hard way. He is doing great now!! Working like a dog, paying his fines, obeying his probation, cleans up after himself, you name it. We have a few tussles when he tries to push over the line., i.e, wants to bring things into my home I will not allow, and we simply say sure, in YOUR place. But not here. He has matured and grown up more than I thought possible in a short time – thank god he wised up before he did serious jail time. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? Between the circadian rhythm thing for older teens and the fact that he should be taking responsibility for himself, you are in an interesting spot. I would suggest reframing the question. How can the young man’s responsibility for himself be promoted and yet he still meet his obligations? Is it possible to change his commitments/obligations to start later in the day and that he start taking responsibility, entirely, for getting up and going in the a.m.? Might be your best shot to reduce tensions and help him to problem solve successfully. I have a friend who’s teenage son went through a very similar period from about age 16 to about age 24. He lost a couple jobs that he really did not want to loose because of it. He just slept so soundly that even standing him up was not a sure fire way to get him up in time for work in the morning. He finally developed a system, on his own, where he used several alarm clocks set for several minutes apart and placed strategically at points that required him to walk further and further form the bed to turn off. They were horribly obnoxious ones, on top of that. He also talked things through with one boss [he was a diner cook at the time] and convinced him to start him for the mid-morning instead of 6 a.m. Between the later start time and the alarm clock system he finally kept his job. He has much less difficulty now, but he is also in his later 20’s and getting beyond the circadian rhythm problem. -Aula — I find it amazing that any of you would put up with a child yelling and swearing at you. I simply would not. I don’t swear at my kids and they had better not swear at me. At 18 a "child" is surely old enough to get their butt out of bed and take care of their responsibilites. If they haven’t taken any responsibility for their life by then then the parent has done a lousy job of teaching them. I don’t by the sleep cycle thing at all. My 15 year old gets up an hour early BY CHOICE to do extra studying and jog or work out. On weekends he sleeps in. Does he enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn? NO. But during the week he knows he has things to do. He has goals and does what he needs to do to obtain them (his goals not mine). My grown daughter was the same way as a teen. Steve you might have people pay more attention to your posts or actually read them if you learned some grown up words in place of the 4 letter words. Sorry you are in the killfile. Dana & Juan’s Magic http://www.geocities.com/hafmagic/hidden-acre-farms.html
Response:
Sure Steve – just like the police won’t remove an over 18 kid either. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house) Nonsense. That’s abuse. Judges toss out assault by kids when the adults asssault first. I’ve seen it a many times in court. A father I know was lectured about it good and court ordered not to even touch his son. Steve We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic You are talking about an 18 year old voter, for god sakes! What gives you the fucking right to invade someone’s bedroom and assault them. If you did that to me I’d break your fucking jaw!! Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – especially older teens’, circadian cycle Totally off-topic (so sue me … but yuo will have to get in line behind Steve): Every time I see the word "circadian", it comes across as "Cardacian". Too much Star Trek, I guess. Glen ("Damn Cardacians!") Appleby — "Who we are and who we become depends, in part, on who we love." — "A General Theory Of Love" Thanks, Mom
Glen, you and my DH would get along great. He’s a big Star Trek fan, and whenver I happen to watch it with him, I’m totally lost 
— ~Nancy~ Mom to Emily 2/14/00 and Wally 1/13/84 Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html
Response:
While I do not normally agree with Steve on issues posted in this NG, I must say that I am with him on this one. It sounds like you’ve been catering to your son too much and now that he’s almost an adult, he has a hard time setting his own boundaries and certainly (by his profanity toward you) he has no respect toward you as a parent. As others have stated, it is something he is going to have to learn to deal with on his own. I do, however, think his behavior toward you is unacceptable. Perhaps you could have a talk with him (don’t expect and drastic changes) and appologize for not giving him the space to teach himself how to function as an adult, then tell him you want him to learn on his own that he has to figure out his own scheduling and the reprocussions if he is late/fails. And then lay off for a while and see how he does. Maybe he’ll fail and then figure out "Hey, maybe I need to be more responsible." Maybe not. But at least someday he will respect the fact that you treated him like an adult instead of trying to run his life. Carli
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. And what in the fuck is wrong with THAT, you fucking moron!! That’s what YOU do!!! He’s a voter, for Christ’s sake! I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? You’re being stupid. Let him fail. That’s the only way to learn such things. You made the mistake of running his life TILL he was 18, and now he is rubbing your face in your stupidity and vicious disregard for what HE wanted for his life. If you had left him the fuck alone to make his own mistakes earlier he wouldn’t be like this now when he is verging on having to be out on his own and responsible. Trying to leverage him by taking things away is disrespectful of his adulthood and is making him more and more pissed off at you! If you can separate yourself from being an authoritarian moron and have only love for him then maybe you MIGHT even notice whether he might actually be chronically depressed or suffering inside, but as it is, with your own agenda for his future that he doesn’t appreciate, you are incompetent to do even that for him. You authoritarian morons are amazing in your self-involved fatuousness. You haven’t and don’t really care about what he wants at all, instead having a child is all about forcing him to be what you like, which is making him react against you and wasting his life by making him do so. Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart?
Between the circadian rhythm thing for older teens and the fact that he should be taking responsibility for himself, you are in an interesting spot. I would suggest reframing the question. How can the young man’s responsibility for himself be promoted and yet he still meet his obligations? Is it possible to change his commitments/obligations to start later in the day and that he start taking responsibility, entirely, for getting up and going in the a.m.? Might be your best shot to reduce tensions and help him to problem solve successfully. I have a friend who’s teenage son went through a very similar period from about age 16 to about age 24. He lost a couple jobs that he really did not want to loose because of it. He just slept so soundly that even standing him up was not a sure fire way to get him up in time for work in the morning. He finally developed a system, on his own, where he used several alarm clocks set for several minutes apart and placed strategically at points that required him to walk further and further form the bed to turn off. They were horribly obnoxious ones, on top of that. He also talked things through with one boss [he was a diner cook at the time] and convinced him to start him for the mid-morning instead of 6 a.m. Between the later start time and the alarm clock system he finally kept his job. He has much less difficulty now, but he is also in his later 20’s and getting beyond the circadian rhythm problem. -Aula
Response:
especially older teens’, circadian cycle
Totally off-topic (so sue me … but yuo will have to get in line behind Steve): Every time I see the word "circadian", it comes across as "Cardacian". Too much Star Trek, I guess. Glen ("Damn Cardacians!") Appleby — "Who we are and who we become depends, in part, on who we love." — "A General Theory Of Love" Thanks, Mom
Response:
Looks like you still have some growing up to do Steve. When someone lives in MY house, eats MY food etc etc. They will live by MY rules. Simple, basic.. what don’t you understand? It’s NOT my child’s bedroom.
So therefore you should be able to just go in their room anytime you want and crawl in bed with them and maybe finger fuck your daughter then, since after all she’s just some kind of freeloading dead beat!! No. They belong to the family and it is the family home, WHOMEVER owns it! (I’ll just bet your bank loan manager doesn’t get to walk into your room and watch you fuck your wife just because the bank OWNS your house, now does he?? Then whose fucking roof is it anyway, eh, asshole!!!? It is a bedroom I allow them to use (after they are 18). So guess what if you are not paying your own way you have NO rights.
So do you rape rob and murder all your guests? Don’t you grasp how stupid you are?? That’a a big unspoken "DUH". Guess what dude, nobody owes you a thing. — Dana & Juan’s Magic
So you think your child who is your inheritor is not entitled to feel that the home they live in is theirs! Well for such cruel bullshit you will get what you deserve, they will go away and never call and never really give a flying fuck about you. Lots of kids do that! And you will wonder why and come crying and whining on newsgroups like this one? You deserve nothing! Steve
Response:
Looks like you still have some growing up to do Steve. When someone lives in MY house, eats MY food etc etc. They will live by MY rules. Simple, basic.. what don’t you understand? It’s NOT my child’s bedroom. It is a bedroom I allow them to use (after they are 18). So guess what if you are not paying your own way you have NO rights. That’a a big unspoken "DUH". Guess what dude, nobody owes you a thing.
Why did you have kids if all you wanted was someone to control? How do you expect someone to respect their space (and therefore yours) if you don’t give them a reason to take ownership of it? Why is money more important than making sure that the unwilling people you brought into this world are comfortable and well adjusted? You owe your children a hell of a lot more than you think, sorry.
Response:
Looks like you still have some growing up to do Steve. When someone lives in MY house, eats MY food etc etc. They will live by MY rules. Simple, basic.. what don’t you understand? It’s NOT my child’s bedroom. No. They belong to the family and it is the family home, WHOMEVER owns it! (I’ll just bet your bank loan manager doesn’t get to walk into your room and watch you fuck your wife just because the bank OWNS your house, now does he?? Then whose fucking roof is it anyway, eh, asshole!!!?
Haha Steve, that is so true! The bank OWNS you, Dana, for the next twenty or so years you have on your mortgage. It certainly is NOT your house.
Response:
And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house)
Defense of domestic violence is justified, sorry. YOU would be cooling your heels in jail.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house) We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic You are talking about an 18 year old voter, for god sakes! What gives you the fucking right to invade someone’s bedroom and assault them. If you did that to me I’d break your fucking jaw!! Steve Looks like you still have some growing up to do Steve. When someone lives in MY house, eats MY food etc etc. They will live by MY rules. Simple, basic.. what don’t you understand? It’s NOT my child’s bedroom. It is a bedroom I allow them to use (after they are 18). So guess what if you are not paying your own way you have NO rights. That’a a big unspoken "DUH". Guess what dude, nobody owes you a thing. — Dana & Juan’s Magic http://www.geocities.com/hafmagic/hidden-acre-farms.html
You have some good points, but so does Steve, actually. Throwing a bucket of cold water on your child *would* be an assault, and totally unwarranted. If a teenager is a bear in the mornings, it is easy enough to avoid being cussed at by letting him oversleep and suffering his own consequenses. Oh, and even if your kid isn’t paying his own way, here’s a newsflash for you….he’s still a human being and he still has rights. Granted, it’s not your job as a parent to pave his way and insure he makes it to school/work, etc, and he is old enough to do these things on his own. But you don’t *own* your children, and you’re not allowed to do whatever you wish to them. Courts take kids away from parents that do that type of thing. — ~Nancy~ Mom to Emily 2/14/00 and Wally 1/13/84 Visit my webpage: http://www.geocities.com/NLBader63/intro.html
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic
You are talking about an 18 year old voter, for god sakes! What gives you the fucking right to invade someone’s bedroom and assault them. If you did that to me I’d break your fucking jaw!! Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house) We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic You are talking about an 18 year old voter, for god sakes! What gives you the fucking right to invade someone’s bedroom and assault them. If you did that to me I’d break your fucking jaw!! Steve
Looks like you still have some growing up to do Steve. When someone lives in MY house, eats MY food etc etc. They will live by MY rules. Simple, basic.. what don’t you understand? It’s NOT my child’s bedroom. It is a bedroom I allow them to use (after they are 18). So guess what if you are not paying your own way you have NO rights. That’a a big unspoken "DUH". Guess what dude, nobody owes you a thing. — Dana & Juan’s Magic http://www.geocities.com/hafmagic/hidden-acre-farms.html
Response:
And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house)
Nonsense. That’s abuse. Judges toss out assault by kids when the adults asssault first. I’ve seen it a many times in court. A father I know was lectured about it good and court ordered not to even touch his son. Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic You are talking about an 18 year old voter, for god sakes! What gives you the fucking right to invade someone’s bedroom and assault them. If you did that to me I’d break your fucking jaw!! Steve
Response:
And if you did, you’d be cooling your nasty heels in jail!! (and out of my house) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic You are talking about an 18 year old voter, for god sakes! What gives you the fucking right to invade someone’s bedroom and assault them. If you did that to me I’d break your fucking jaw!! Steve
Response:
We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it.
And what in the fuck is wrong with THAT, you fucking moron!! That’s what YOU do!!! He’s a voter, for Christ’s sake! I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart?
You’re being stupid. Let him fail. That’s the only way to learn such things. You made the mistake of running his life TILL he was 18, and now he is rubbing your face in your stupidity and vicious disregard for what HE wanted for his life. If you had left him the fuck alone to make his own mistakes earlier he wouldn’t be like this now when he is verging on having to be out on his own and responsible. Trying to leverage him by taking things away is disrespectful of his adulthood and is making him more and more pissed off at you! If you can separate yourself from being an authoritarian moron and have only love for him then maybe you MIGHT even notice whether he might actually be chronically depressed or suffering inside, but as it is, with your own agenda for his future that he doesn’t appreciate, you are incompetent to do even that for him. You authoritarian morons are amazing in your self-involved fatuousness. You haven’t and don’t really care about what he wants at all, instead having a child is all about forcing him to be what you like, which is making him react against you and wasting his life by making him do so. Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart?
I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic http://www.geocities.com/hafmagic/hidden-acre-farms.html
Response:
As a teen I was very much like that. What made me "wake-up" were a couple of things. Getting an alarm clock annoying enough to wake me for my commitments (like school and work) as well as my family finally stating, "You made the commitments and I cannot make you honor them. I won’t lie about your absences, either. And if you lose your job or miss school you are ultimately responsible for that failure." They did not come wake me in the mornings and I missed some pretty important things initially until I started making changes. Was a harsh slap in the face but it worked. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart? I would wake him up about 20 minutes before he has to leave. That gives him time to throw on some clothes and go. If he simply refuses to get up encourage him to sleep and buy him a book on getting his GED. I most certainly would NOT put up with my child swearing at me. If that continues I would suggest a large bucket of cold water over his head. If you allow a teen to run the household they will. — Dana & Juan’s Magic http://www.geocities.com/hafmagic/hidden-acre-farms.html
Response:
<< We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning I know this really doesn’t solve the problem, but it may help explain his behavior. Several studies were completed last year and the year before on teenage sleep patterns and lo, and behold, they discovered that teens’, especially older teens’, circadian cycle was significantly different that an adult’s. Circadian cycles determine sleep and wake patterns in our brains (telling us when to be active and when to be asleep). Teens, it seems, are biologically timed for longer nocturnal wakefulness. However, they are also still maturing, requiring at least 10 hours of sleep for their growing bodies (which typically lasts until they’re about 23). I had the same problems with my two oldest kids (now 19 and 22 and out of the house) and anticipate it will be the same for my youngest (12). The best thing we did was stop making it our problem and let them assume all the responsibility for their behavior, their schedule (to the extent they can) as well as the consequences…hey, it’s their life.– Mo
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it.
Ok, sorry to restate the OBVIOUS but doesn’t this TELL you something? We all have our biological clocks. If your clock says "ZONK", come hell or high water, some people just can’t wake up. Let your son arrange a later schedule. It won’t be the end of the world. It chips away at a teen’s confidence to hear things like you have been telling him. Geeze. It’s only a schedule. It can be re-arranged. You can never take back harsh words. Teens sleep well and deeply. They need to sleep, as their bodies are growing and maturing so quickly. They’re also so active during the day. Let your son have the sleep he needs. Older people often don’t sleep well. He can be old and suffer insomnia when his time comes.
Response:
Get him an alarm clock, set it for the time he needs to get up, and place it on the opposite side of the room as his bed. Close the door and let the alarm wake him up. DON’T go in there. Let him oversleepe and miss his classes/work a couple of times if it works out that way. Let him deal with the consequences of being late. THEN he’ll maybe change.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart?
Response:
We have an 18 yo (I know…he’s an adult now and should be responsible now) who’s an only son. He’s very bullheaded and doesn’t try to get along with us, especially in the morning. He’s in his last year of high school and has work co-op in the mornings, starting at 9 am. The problem is that even if we start waking him up at 6:30 am, he refuses to get out of bed, and hurls a string of unrepeatable profanity at us each time we go into his room to wake him up. Usually after 2 hours of unsuccessfully trying to get him out of bed, including taking away his car driving and other privileges, we give up and close his bedroom door and tell him that if he really wants to fail, then he has "made his bed and must now sleep in it." Nothing seems to work to get him out of bed until he decides to when he feels like it. I’m sure other parents have similar problems with their older teens. Has anyone found a solution that works without tearing the family apart?
