sleeping habits
Question:
On Mon, 22 Oct 2001 05:51:53 -0400, "Mary Carter" <marycar…@buckeye-express.com> wrote: >I have been married for four years. >My husband and I love each other dearly, but over the last year or so we >seem to be more like roomates than husband and wife. He started sleeping on >the couch over a year ago because he is able to sleep better there. >The bad thing is that our sex life has diminished almost completely since >then as well. I think we have made love about 3 times this year. >The problem is that his sex drive is very low, because he is depressed most >of the time, and it hurts me so much to be turned down when I try to >initiate. I don’t know what to do about it.. it makes me sad. I feel like >I am missing out on a great deal of love and intimacy.
How old is he? You might want to take a look at a book by Eugene Shippen & William Fryer titled "Testosterone Syndrome" … your library may have it. thana
Response:
are you sure that he is not having sex with himself while he is alone on the couch? Mary Carter <marycar…@buckeye-express.com> wrote in message
news:9r0qon02vjm@enews1.newsguy.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I have been married for four years. > My husband and I love each other dearly, but over the last year or so we > seem to be more like roomates than husband and wife. He started sleeping on > the couch over a year ago because he is able to sleep better there. > The bad thing is that our sex life has diminished almost completely since > then as well. I think we have made love about 3 times this year. > The problem is that his sex drive is very low, because he is depressed most > of the time, and it hurts me so much to be turned down when I try to > initiate. I don’t know what to do about it.. it makes me sad. I feel like > I am missing out on a great deal of love and intimacy.
Response:
Hi It seems that depression makes sex go way down on the hit parade. He needs some help. Remember that meds can also cause sexual dysfunction in some people so be careful of that. You can seek help for yourself even if he does not. I am not sure if this book would help, however, give it a try. Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis. Your local library may have a copy. May God bless you, Jeff
Response:
Thank you all very much for your comments You are right, I do sincerely believe that the lack of sex is due to depression. I am currently taking medicine for depression myself. Unfortunately, my husband has inherited a fear of doctors from his mother, and even though he admits that he has depression he still has not gone to see a doctor. He has tried things like St. John’s Wort though. I would never have an affair.. I too believe it is a wrong decision, all it does is hurt everyone involved, but besides that I have no interest in anyone else. I do love him dearly, and I know that he loves me. Recently I have started a new plan to combat my own depression. Basically I am making a list of goals that _I_ can work toward achieving. I want to be happy in my marriage, and I want to have the intimacy back that we once had. So, I am working on taking proactive measures to bring this about. I think that if I am happy then he won’t feel as bad, and then things will get better. (Part of his depression is based on me not being happy and he feels bad because he can’t fix me – he thinks that he needs to fix everything) So.. here goes.. wish me luck! "Dreamspinner3" <dreamspinn…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:aml9ttcvam27jdumrj9nfeds8pqfvm4cti@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Sleeping apart, in and of itself, may not be a bad thing if everything > else in a marriage is going well. I think a lot of couples probably > SLEEP in separate beds but don’t admit it. If this were the only > issue, I would say you don’t have a problem. > But you say your sex life has gone downhill & that he’s depressed most > of the time. That is the problem right there, I think. People who > suffer from untreated depression usually don’t have high sex drives. > I didn’t. My husband didn’t either. > I have been in the exact same spot where you are. I have also been > the depressed partner who didn’t want sex. Neither place is good. > Understand that if your husband is really suffering from depression, > his lack of interest in sex with you really has nothing to do with you > personally. He probably does want to have sex with you but his > depression is sapping away his interest in it. He is probably very > aware of how sad & upset you are over the situation, but he cannot do > anything about it due to his depression…unless he admits he has a > problem & seeks treatment for his depression. > There is nothing you can do about it, either. You can tell him you’re > worried about him & his depression, you can tell him you think he > needs help, but that’s it. You didn’t cause his depression & you > can’t cure it. Only he can seek the help he needs & use it to get > better. If your husband is suffering from depression, he’s sick & > needs help. > Your emotions, thoughts, & feelings are normal. Don’t feel bad or > guilty about it. > You have a few options. You can continue to live this way & focus on > yourself. Fill your time with things you enjoy. Give him some more > time to see if he comes around. Or you could leave. You could stay > but have an affair (which I think is a BAD IDEA & is wrong). > I hope things work out for you. > On Mon, 22 Oct 2001 05:51:53 -0400, "Mary Carter" > <marycar…@buckeye-express.com> wrote: > >I have been married for four years. > >My husband and I love each other dearly, but over the last year or so we > >seem to be more like roomates than husband and wife. He started sleeping on > >the couch over a year ago because he is able to sleep better there. > >The bad thing is that our sex life has diminished almost completely since > >then as well. I think we have made love about 3 times this year. > >The problem is that his sex drive is very low, because he is depressed most > >of the time, and it hurts me so much to be turned down when I try to > >initiate. I don’t know what to do about it.. it makes me sad. I feel like > >I am missing out on a great deal of love and intimacy. > ———- > Kim Miller > Bow-Wow: http://members.tripod.com/allaboutdogs/ > Christmas Dreams: http://members.tripod.com/joyfulchristmas/ > Surf Minnesota: http://www.surfminnesota.net/ > Personal Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/ > ICQ: 48547727
Response:
In article <9r0qon02…@enews1.newsguy.com>, "Mary Carter" <marycar…@buckeye-express.com> wrote: >I have been married for four years. >My husband and I love each other dearly, but over the last year or so we >seem to be more like roomates than husband and wife. He started sleeping on >the couch over a year ago because he is able to sleep better there. >The bad thing is that our sex life has diminished almost completely since >then as well. I think we have made love about 3 times this year.
My past marriage began to end this way. It can go on and on if you let it. We spent over 10 years still married but not sleeping together or being intimate (mainly to raise the kids together). It was very lonely, as far as not having a partner. I hope for you it is early enough to be able to get some counseling or something to save it. If you have kids, eventually they will notice, too… Good luck.
Response:
Sleeping apart, in and of itself, may not be a bad thing if everything else in a marriage is going well. I think a lot of couples probably SLEEP in separate beds but don’t admit it. If this were the only issue, I would say you don’t have a problem. But you say your sex life has gone downhill & that he’s depressed most of the time. That is the problem right there, I think. People who suffer from untreated depression usually don’t have high sex drives. I didn’t. My husband didn’t either. I have been in the exact same spot where you are. I have also been the depressed partner who didn’t want sex. Neither place is good. Understand that if your husband is really suffering from depression, his lack of interest in sex with you really has nothing to do with you personally. He probably does want to have sex with you but his depression is sapping away his interest in it. He is probably very aware of how sad & upset you are over the situation, but he cannot do anything about it due to his depression…unless he admits he has a problem & seeks treatment for his depression. There is nothing you can do about it, either. You can tell him you’re worried about him & his depression, you can tell him you think he needs help, but that’s it. You didn’t cause his depression & you can’t cure it. Only he can seek the help he needs & use it to get better. If your husband is suffering from depression, he’s sick & needs help. Your emotions, thoughts, & feelings are normal. Don’t feel bad or guilty about it. You have a few options. You can continue to live this way & focus on yourself. Fill your time with things you enjoy. Give him some more time to see if he comes around. Or you could leave. You could stay but have an affair (which I think is a BAD IDEA & is wrong). I hope things work out for you. On Mon, 22 Oct 2001 05:51:53 -0400, "Mary Carter" <marycar…@buckeye-express.com> wrote: >I have been married for four years. >My husband and I love each other dearly, but over the last year or so we >seem to be more like roomates than husband and wife. He started sleeping on >the couch over a year ago because he is able to sleep better there. >The bad thing is that our sex life has diminished almost completely since >then as well. I think we have made love about 3 times this year. >The problem is that his sex drive is very low, because he is depressed most >of the time, and it hurts me so much to be turned down when I try to >initiate. I don’t know what to do about it.. it makes me sad. I feel like >I am missing out on a great deal of love and intimacy.
———- Kim Miller Bow-Wow: http://members.tripod.com/allaboutdogs/ Christmas Dreams: http://members.tripod.com/joyfulchristmas/ Surf Minnesota: http://www.surfminnesota.net/ Personal Homepage: http://members.tripod.com/dreamspinner3/ ICQ: 48547727
Response:
I have been married for four years. My husband and I love each other dearly, but over the last year or so we seem to be more like roomates than husband and wife. He started sleeping on the couch over a year ago because he is able to sleep better there. The bad thing is that our sex life has diminished almost completely since then as well. I think we have made love about 3 times this year. The problem is that his sex drive is very low, because he is depressed most of the time, and it hurts me so much to be turned down when I try to initiate. I don’t know what to do about it.. it makes me sad. I feel like I am missing out on a great deal of love and intimacy.
Response:
This is not good. The "He started sleeping on the couch over a year ago because he is able to sleep better there" is just an excuse for a deeper problem. Because if it wasn
