* Was this PD related? (Please Read!) *
Question:
Z: I had night terrors (those awake dreams where you are paralyzed but seem to be able to see the room, just not able to move or cry out for help — horrible!) as a child from around ages 5-8, and then again as an adult in my 20s*. Also I would have the falling falling falling horrible sensation as I entered or left a particular dream. And I had terrible vivid nightmares as a young child; I can remember actually being TOUCHED by a witch as she flew by me when I was 6 — spent the rest of that night in my parents’ bed!! *Interestingly, my mid 20s is also when I first began having severe PAs while driving. Connection? I think some of us are simply hardwired to be anxious (also hyperimaginative) and maybe this manifests in our dreams and waking/dreaming states as well, and then makes us susceptible also to developing anxiety disorders, PD, etc. Hope you have sweet dreams from now on, Z. xo Anne —
Response:
Oh my god! Betime is the absolute worst for me. The other day for example…I was actually having a really good day. Very mild anxiety. Not one full blown panic attack and in general I just felt good the whole day. That is until I went to go to sleep. The feeling of my body relaxing always sends me spiraling out of control. I start to drift off and lets say I start a little bit of very light dreaming. You know…where your thoughts sort of float away from you and take on their own life. It’s that loss of control that jolts me out of sleep. I wake up dizzy and scared. Feeling like I can’t breathe. Terrified that if I go back to sleep I won’t wake up. My heart races. Sometimes it’s so bad it causes palpatations. Everything feels heavy and it terrifies me. I’m horrified that my heart is just going to stop beating or that I’ll stop breathing.It’s EVERY night. No matter what kind of day I’ve had. Some nights I can barely force myself into bed. That of course makes it even worse because then I’m so overtired. Not to mention it wreaking havoc on the following day because I’m so sleep deprived and not enough sleep is always a trigger for me too. The other night it was bad enough that I sat bolt upright, woke my husband up out of a deep sleep and forced him to sit over me and watch me just in case I passed out or something. The only thing that helped eventually helped me was getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, washing off my face, coming back in turning all the lights on and the tv and just sitting there watching the tv til the panic passed and i was somewhat sure that if i was going to die, I would have already. Unfortunately the next day I was a zombie! *sigh* Celeste Breaking in, in my eyes I can’t see like this I can’t let go, please help me down I can’t be like this Seeing them, them all around How can they be so sweet? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I could have also titled this, "Have I battled this monster before?" When I was child, somewhere in the single-digit years, I had pre-sleep ‘nightmares’. I knew it was different from any other experience I ever had. But there was no way I could put the experience into words, when explaining to my parents. I was way too young to make sense of it. My parents always said I was having a bad dream, or was sleepwalking. This went on for years I’d say : on and off. Probably until I was 14-15yrs old. I knew it was no dream! (nothing was so horrifying). I knew it wasn’t sleepwalking! I figured it was some odd combination thereof. Sometimes weeks would pass when I was terrified to go to bed, because I’d wonder if that "nightmare monster" was going to visit me. It always hit when I was right on the edge of falling asleep. I was overcome with incredible dread..like the world was falling apart. Everything seemed really huge, and me inside feeling like a tiny speck. Was this a dream I couldn’t wake from? I’d usually get up, flick on all the lights I could, shake my head, splash my face with handfuls of water…"Wake up you!! This isn’t real! You’re safe inside your house!" My own rational thoughts were no match. But usually 10 min. later I’d snap out of it. and a majority of the time, that was it for the night. No repeats. But it ended. I made it end, which now I look upon as an incredible feat. I decided I was going to control "it" and not vice-versa. I was eventually able to lie in bed at night, set the lighting just right, and "force myself" into this panicked state. I’d quickly pull out the second things started to get weird. I did this for many months. But I kept going further and further, and then snapping myself out of it. Eventually, I was able to snap out of that state on command. In fact, it never got a hold of me again. I had slain the giant night-beast that terrorized me for years! But now as it stands, a little over a decade later, I have "panic disorder". It’s not that night-terror I experienced earlier, but the similarities are so close it’s scary. Is this that same monster I beat so long ago??? Back like a bad horror movie??? I would love to know if anyone has experienced that panicky, everything is huge, the world is ending kinda feeling at bed time or just when drifting off. Maybe there’s an answer to my current PD that lies in the past. Your thoughts would be wonderful!! Aside from my parents knowing, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned this to a soul. -thanks Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz (me sleeping no doubt)
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I could have also titled this, "Have I battled this monster before?" When I was child, somewhere in the single-digit years, I had pre-sleep ‘nightmares’. I knew it was different from any other experience I ever had. But there was no way I could put the experience into words, when explaining to my parents. I was way too young to make sense of it. My parents always said I was having a bad dream, or was sleepwalking. This went on for years I’d say : on and off. Probably until I was 14-15yrs old. I knew it was no dream! (nothing was so horrifying). I knew it wasn’t sleepwalking! I figured it was some odd combination thereof. Sometimes weeks would pass when I was terrified to go to bed, because I’d wonder if that "nightmare monster" was going to visit me. It always hit when I was right on the edge of falling asleep. I was overcome with incredible dread..like the world was falling apart. Everything seemed really huge, and me inside feeling like a tiny speck. Was this a dream I couldn’t wake from? I’d usually get up, flick on all the lights I could, shake my head, splash my face with handfuls of water…"Wake up you!! This isn’t real! You’re safe inside your house!" My own rational thoughts were no match. But usually 10 min. later I’d snap out of it. and a majority of the time, that was it for the night. No repeats. But it ended. I made it end, which now I look upon as an incredible feat. I decided I was going to control "it" and not vice-versa. I was eventually able to lie in bed at night, set the lighting just right, and "force myself" into this panicked state. I’d quickly pull out the second things started to get weird. I did this for many months. But I kept going further and further, and then snapping myself out of it. Eventually, I was able to snap out of that state on command. In fact, it never got a hold of me again. I had slain the giant night-beast that terrorized me for years! But now as it stands, a little over a decade later, I have "panic disorder". It’s not that night-terror I experienced earlier, but the similarities are so close it’s scary. Is this that same monster I beat so long ago??? Back like a bad horror movie??? I would love to know if anyone has experienced that panicky, everything is huge, the world is ending kinda feeling at bed time or just when drifting off. Maybe there’s an answer to my current PD that lies in the past. Your thoughts would be wonderful!! Aside from my parents knowing, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned this to a soul. -thanks Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz (me sleeping no doubt) I think I could have also titled this, "Have I battled this monster before?" When I was child, somewhere in the single-digit years, I had pre-sleep ‘nightmares’. I knew it was different from any other experience I ever had. But there was no way I could put the experience into words, when explaining to my parents. I was way too young to make sense of it. My parents always said I was having a bad dream, or was sleepwalking. This went on for years I’d say : on and off. Probably until I was 14-15yrs old. I knew it was no dream! (nothing was so horrifying). I knew it wasn’t sleepwalking! I figured it was some odd combination thereof. Sometimes weeks would pass when I was terrified to go to bed, because I’d wonder if that "nightmare monster" was going to visit me. It always hit when I was right on the edge of falling asleep. I was overcome with incredible dread..like the world was falling apart. Everything seemed really huge, and me inside feeling like a tiny speck. Was this a dream I couldn’t wake from? I’d usually get up, flick on all the lights I could, shake my head, splash my face with handfuls of water…"Wake up you!! This isn’t real! You’re safe inside your house!" My own rational thoughts were no match. But usually 10 min. later I’d snap out of it. and a majority of the time, that was it for the night. No repeats. But it ended. I made it end, which now I look upon as an incredible feat. I decided I was going to control "it" and not vice-versa. I was eventually able to lie in bed at night, set the lighting just right, and "force myself" into this panicked state. I’d quickly pull out the second things started to get weird. I did this for many months. But I kept going further and further, and then snapping myself out of it. Eventually, I was able to snap out of that state on command. In fact, it never got a hold of me again. I had slain the giant night-beast that terrorized me for years! But now as it stands, a little over a decade later, I have "panic disorder". It’s not that night-terror I experienced earlier, but the similarities are so close it’s scary. Is this that same monster I beat so long ago??? Back like a bad horror movie??? I would love to know if anyone has experienced that panicky, everything is huge, the world is ending kinda feeling at bed time or just when drifting off. Maybe there’s an answer to my current PD that lies in the past. Your thoughts would be wonderful!! Aside from my parents knowing, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned this to a soul. -thanks Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz (me sleeping no doubt)
I know exactly what you are talking about-I experienced this as a child as well-also the speeding up of time or slowing down of time-I am unsure if this has any relevance to adult onset manifestations of anxiety-kids experience all kinds of sensations some of whichh is explainable and others not- bottom line is it really doesn’t matter-since the etiology or cause of anxiety is multidimensional-what you indeed ask yourself now is How I deal with this and what wil help me to do so rather then why do I have this and look how I have been battling this for so long-this yeilds to self pity and a feeling of hoplessness-anxiety is chronic our nervous systems over react and are hyper sensitive-ok so now what? We can in spite of it all enjoy a reasonably happy life LM
Response:
Hya Z, I really don’t know if this childhood experience was the first sign of PA. But the strange thing is I had similar experiences. But i was younger. I remember i tried to stay awake,but of course i *fell* asleep. But I really fell,down and down,could not stop it. Finally i would snap out of it and had what i now recognize as PA symptoms. It went away and came back in another form when i was about 12 years. i was totally convinced i would die in my sleep. This fear made me wide awake 
and later on when they overmedicated me I would buy uppers to stay awake. Would like to hear what margrove could tell us about this 
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I could have also titled this, "Have I battled this monster before?" When I was child, somewhere in the single-digit years, I had pre-sleep ‘nightmares’. I knew it was different from any other experience I ever had. But there was no way I could put the experience into words, when explaining to my parents. I was way too young to make sense of it. My parents always said I was having a bad dream, or was sleepwalking. This went on for years I’d say : on and off. Probably until I was 14-15yrs old. I knew it was no dream! (nothing was so horrifying). I knew it wasn’t sleepwalking! I figured it was some odd combination thereof. Sometimes weeks would pass when I was terrified to go to bed, because I’d wonder if that "nightmare monster" was going to visit me. It always hit when I was right on the edge of falling asleep. I was overcome with incredible dread..like the world was falling apart. Everything seemed really huge, and me inside feeling like a tiny speck. Was this a dream I couldn’t wake from? I’d usually get up, flick on all the lights I could, shake my head, splash my face with handfuls of water…"Wake up you!! This isn’t real! You’re safe inside your house!" My own rational thoughts were no match. But usually 10 min. later I’d snap out of it. and a majority of the time, that was it for the night. No repeats. But it ended. I made it end, which now I look upon as an incredible feat. I decided I was going to control "it" and not vice-versa. I was eventually able to lie in bed at night, set the lighting just right, and "force myself" into this panicked state. I’d quickly pull out the second things started to get weird. I did this for many months. But I kept going further and further, and then snapping myself out of it. Eventually, I was able to snap out of that state on command. In fact, it never got a hold of me again. I had slain the giant night-beast that terrorized me for years!
This truelly was a great effort for a child,you must have been very strong And to do this all on your own!!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – But now as it stands, a little over a decade later, I have "panic disorder". It’s not that night-terror I experienced earlier, but the similarities are so close it’s scary. Is this that same monster I beat so long ago??? Back like a bad horror movie??? I would love to know if anyone has experienced that panicky, everything is huge, the world is ending kinda feeling at bed time or just when drifting off. Maybe there’s an answer to my current PD that lies in the past Your thoughts would be wonderful!! Aside from my parents knowing, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned this to a soul. -thanks Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz (me sleeping no doubt)
Thanks for telling Kiss Anna
Response:
I think I could have also titled this, "Have I battled this monster before?" When I was child, somewhere in the single-digit years, I had pre-sleep ‘nightmares’. I knew it was different from any other experience I ever had. But there was no way I could put the experience into words, when explaining to my parents. I was way too young to make sense of it. My parents always said I was having a bad dream, or was sleepwalking. This went on for years I’d say : on and off. Probably until I was 14-15yrs old. I knew it was no dream! (nothing was so horrifying). I knew it wasn’t sleepwalking! I figured it was some odd combination thereof. Sometimes weeks would pass when I was terrified to go to bed, because I’d wonder if that "nightmare monster" was going to visit me. It always hit when I was right on the edge of falling asleep. I was overcome with incredible dread..like the world was falling apart. Everything seemed really huge, and me inside feeling like a tiny speck. Was this a dream I couldn’t wake from? I’d usually get up, flick on all the lights I could, shake my head, splash my face with handfuls of water…"Wake up you!! This isn’t real! You’re safe inside your house!" My own rational thoughts were no match. But usually 10 min. later I’d snap out of it. and a majority of the time, that was it for the night. No repeats. But it ended. I made it end, which now I look upon as an incredible feat. I decided I was going to control "it" and not vice-versa. I was eventually able to lie in bed at night, set the lighting just right, and "force myself" into this panicked state. I’d quickly pull out the second things started to get weird. I did this for many months. But I kept going further and further, and then snapping myself out of it. Eventually, I was able to snap out of that state on command. In fact, it never got a hold of me again. I had slain the giant night-beast that terrorized me for years! But now as it stands, a little over a decade later, I have "panic disorder". It’s not that night-terror I experienced earlier, but the similarities are so close it’s scary. Is this that same monster I beat so long ago??? Back like a bad horror movie??? I would love to know if anyone has experienced that panicky, everything is huge, the world is ending kinda feeling at bed time or just when drifting off. Maybe there’s an answer to my current PD that lies in the past. Your thoughts would be wonderful!! Aside from my parents knowing, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned this to a soul. -thanks Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz (me sleeping no doubt)
Response:
Sounds like you set up a pattern as a child, and this stayed with you, almost like a habit, until you were old enough to find a way to change the behavior by desensitizing yourself. This must have taken a lot of work, Z! Somebody much smarter than me would have to determine whether this all relates at all to the anxiety you have today, but it certainly sounds logical. Take care, Liz – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I could have also titled this, "Have I battled this monster before?" When I was child, somewhere in the single-digit years, I had pre-sleep ‘nightmares’. I knew it was different from any other experience I ever had. But there was no way I could put the experience into words, when explaining to my parents. I was way too young to make sense of it. My parents always said I was having a bad dream, or was sleepwalking. This went on for years I’d say : on and off. Probably until I was 14-15yrs old. I knew it was no dream! (nothing was so horrifying). I knew it wasn’t sleepwalking! I figured it was some odd combination thereof. Sometimes weeks would pass when I was terrified to go to bed, because I’d wonder if that "nightmare monster" was going to visit me. It always hit when I was right on the edge of falling asleep. I was overcome with incredible dread..like the world was falling apart. Everything seemed really huge, and me inside feeling like a tiny speck. Was this a dream I couldn’t wake from? I’d usually get up, flick on all the lights I could, shake my head, splash my face with handfuls of water…"Wake up you!! This isn’t real! You’re safe inside your house!" My own rational thoughts were no match. But usually 10 min. later I’d snap out of it. and a majority of the time, that was it for the night. No repeats. But it ended. I made it end, which now I look upon as an incredible feat. I decided I was going to control "it" and not vice-versa. I was eventually able to lie in bed at night, set the lighting just right, and "force myself" into this panicked state. I’d quickly pull out the second things started to get weird. I did this for many months. But I kept going further and further, and then snapping myself out of it. Eventually, I was able to snap out of that state on command. In fact, it never got a hold of me again. I had slain the giant night-beast that terrorized me for years! But now as it stands, a little over a decade later, I have "panic disorder". It’s not that night-terror I experienced earlier, but the similarities are so close it’s scary. Is this that same monster I beat so long ago??? Back like a bad horror movie??? I would love to know if anyone has experienced that panicky, everything is huge, the world is ending kinda feeling at bed time or just when drifting off. Maybe there’s an answer to my current PD that lies in the past. Your thoughts would be wonderful!! Aside from my parents knowing, this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned this to a soul. -thanks Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz (me sleeping no doubt)
– There is always music amongst the trees in the garden but our minds must be very still to hear it. ASAP Gardening Site: http://www.chickadee.com/asapgardens
