Life with the virus (long)

Sleeping Disorder » Obstructive Sleep Apnea » Life with the virus (long)

Question:

Went to an Italian wedding up to Elmo’s old stomping grounds in Joisey. Hollywood can’t come close to replicating an event of this much fun but songsters leo sayer & david courtney sho’ enuff did. This is dedicated to all of y’all that have been on ribavirin are on the stuff now or who are fixen to. LONG TALL GLASSES Writers: leo sayer & david courtney I was travellin’ down the road, feelin’ hungry and cold I saw a sign sayin’ food and drinks for everyone So naturally I thought I would take me a look inside I saw so much food, there was water comin’ from my eye Yeah there was ham an’ there was turkey, there was caviar An’ long tall glasses, with wine up to yar An’ then somebody grabbed me, threw me outta my chair Said before you can eat, you gotta dance like fred astaire You know I can’t dance, you know I can’t dance You know I can’t dance, you know I can’t dance I can’t dance I am a man of the road — a hobo by name I don’t seek entertainment, just poultry and game But if it’s all the same to you, then yes I will try my hand If you were as hungry as me then I’m sure you would understand Hmmm Now wait a minute Let me see now Of course I can dance of course I can dance I’m sure I can dance, I’m sure I can dance.. I can dance I can dance I really hit the floor Ah feels good Look at me dancin’ I did a two-step, quick-step and a bossa nova A little victor silvester, and a rudy valentino You should a seen me movin’, right across the floor Hand me down my tuxedo, next week I’m comin’ back for more I can dance — oh yes! I can dance Look at me dancin’ the floor movin’ I feel good — I can dance I can dance, I can dance, I can dance.

Response:

I’m back to normal Russ! Still trying to lose the extra 10 pounds I gained over the 48 weeks but it will happen. I really feel great these days! I’m beginning to worry a little about my one year svr that’s due in May. Every I get a little ache or get a little too tired, I fear that the virus has returned. Take care ! hc "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message news:11363pl885jne71@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Heppichik!! How are you feeling these days? I would like to know how your > energy level is today now that your free of the dragon. Sure is good to hear > from you. We were on the treatment together almost to the week. I’m glad you > got your SVR and I hope life is good for you. > Thanks > — > Russ > Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com > "heppiechik" <byt…@mebyte.com> wrote in message > news:63DYd.655$Q85.164@fe02.lga… > > Heeey Russ, > > We’re here for you and ain’t nothing wrong with ad’s. I chose to stay on > > Zoloft post tx and I’ll be 1 year post tx in May. Hang in there my friend, > > you’re a survivor!! > > hc > > "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message > > news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… > > > Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > > > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > > > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out > I > > > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired > > all > > > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver > function > > > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I > > went > > > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He > quietly > > > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to > > the > > > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > > > Fuck > > > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. > > The > > > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, > but > > I > > > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off > vague > > > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > > > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of > > Pegasys > > > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day > > the > > > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. > That > > > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 > the > > > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and > tired. > > I > > > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They > > were > > > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. > > Not > > > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have > these > > > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would > last > > a > > > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was > > having > > > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands > > were > > > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for > sleep, > > > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never > feel > > > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > > > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them > > all > > > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from > work > > I > > > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > > > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load > was > > > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was > done > > > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt > like > > I > > > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About > mid > > > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to > the > > > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue > is > > > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > > > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to > keep > > a > > > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > > > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do > > PT > > > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > > > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > > > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling > better > > > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t > surprised > > > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > > > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take > > off > > > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now > and > > > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > > > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > > > America. It was a good time. > > > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > > > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s > a > > > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be > > ok, > > > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in > the > > > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor > is > > > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know > it’s > > > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > > > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live > > on), > > > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m > falling > > > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I > have > > > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed > > and > > > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > > > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > > > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so > > much > > > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and > > AA > > > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life > > was > > > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 > I > > > felt pretty good and health was fine. > > > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > > > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > > > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is > working > > > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of > a > > > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax > > that > > > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > > > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid > eh??? > > > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > > > laughing with the guys at work. > > > Manic depression at work here. > > > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and > starting > > > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being > > tired > > > all the time. More depression. > > > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. > > The > > > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > > > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours > > if > > > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > > > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > > > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > > > crowbar hotel. > > > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took > all > > > my inner strength to hang in there. > > > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > > > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > > > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the > > treatment > > > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > > > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but > someone > > I > > > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I > can > > > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last > > night > > > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > > > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > > > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It > goes > > > something like this….. > > > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > > > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into > a > > > big mess right now. > > > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the > > doctor, > > > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > > > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind > of > > > hope. > > > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > > > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > > > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > > > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > > > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get > off > > of > > > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on > with > > > me because even after a good nights sleep I can

Response:

Yes I know it takes anywhere from 2-6 weeks for these to kick in. But with the xanax I got a couple of good nights sleep and feel quite a bit better this morning. However, xanax is just a temporary Band-Aid for the bigger longer problem. I hope the Cymbalta works….. All in all, just going to the doctor and TRYING to do something has giving me some little ray of hope. I’ll be ok. Thanks. — Russ Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com "Ken" <kc…@aol.com> wrote in message

news:1110620583.832313.46470@l41g2000cwc.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe > Fatigue, > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness." > Hi Russ … Sorry to hear of your problems. I’ve have had to deal with > depression and manic depresion for the last 20 years. A lot of what you > are experiencing may be from depression as much as the hep-c. Fatigue > is a big time symptom of depression, along with anxiety and > sleeplessness. Go get those antidepressants! Be aware though that not > all types work for all people … and it takes some time for them to > kick in. But if one type doesn’t work … try another type. Definitely > a trial and error process.Good Luck! > Ken

Response:

Hi Heppichik!! How are you feeling these days? I would like to know how your energy level is today now that your free of the dragon. Sure is good to hear from you. We were on the treatment together almost to the week. I’m glad you got your SVR and I hope life is good for you. Thanks — Russ Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com "heppiechik" <byt…@mebyte.com> wrote in message

news:63DYd.655$Q85.164@fe02.lga… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Heeey Russ, > We’re here for you and ain’t nothing wrong with ad’s. I chose to stay on > Zoloft post tx and I’ll be 1 year post tx in May. Hang in there my friend, > you’re a survivor!! > hc > "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… > > Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired > all > > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I > went > > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to > the > > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > > Fuck > > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. > The > > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but > I > > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of > Pegasys > > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day > the > > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. > I > > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They > were > > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. > Not > > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last > a > > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was > having > > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands > were > > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them > all > > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work > I > > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like > I > > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep > a > > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do > PT > > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take > off > > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > > America. It was a good time. > > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be > ok, > > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live > on), > > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed > and > > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so > much > > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and > AA > > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life > was > > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > > felt pretty good and health was fine. > > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax > that > > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > > laughing with the guys at work. > > Manic depression at work here. > > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being > tired > > all the time. More depression. > > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. > The > > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours > if > > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > > crowbar hotel. > > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > > my inner strength to hang in there. > > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the > treatment > > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone > I > > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last > night > > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > > something like this….. > > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > > big mess right now. > > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the > doctor, > > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > > hope. > > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off > of > > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The > two > > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So > many > > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the > > organs. It affects the whole body. My liver was in ok shape and I didn’t > > need to do treatment, but I didn’t want to live with this debilitating > > fatigue anymore. > > My friend Kiak, she has had severe asthma for the last 6 years, she > has/had > > a cirrhotic liver, heart problems but has killed the HCV. I asked her this > > morning how she feels today versus 4 years ago

Response:

Depression and being tired is a nasty thing. Are you on meds for it? I was reading up on this Cymbalta anti-d the doc gave me, apparently it helps with certain types of pain. Now I am always aching in my joints and muscles, as I read about this new anti-d I thought that fixing some of the pain AND mellowing my moods out would be great. — Russ Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com "Susie Quill" <sus…@vzpacifica.net> wrote in message

news:4232a51c$1_1@127.0.0.1… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks for sharing your story. My biggest problem right now is still > fatigue. Finished treatment last September, but the fatigue never got > better. So went for sleep study in > November in the Philippines. Dx. with severe obstructive sleep apnea. > Finally got the c-pap machine a week ago, (out of pocket cost for the sleep > study, the plane fare, and the > machine and mask) and I was hoping for great changes. I’m still _______ > tired. > The machine isn’t comfortable to wear at night, but I’d put up with almost > anything for a good nights sleep. > Folkes are telling me it may just take time. My fibromyalgia pain is still > with me too. I’m tired of hurting. Was hoping it was from the sleep apnea > and the fibromyalgia would miraculously disappear too. No such luck yet, > but I still have some hope. Will go for my six month post treatment test > next week or so and I feel like it will be negative…but am still nervous > about it. > I think my depression lifted because I thought this machine would give me my > life back. So, I’m back to being depressed as well as fatigued and hurting. > I just want to feel rested. It has been ten years since I’ve felt rested. > Well, I know I’m not in this alone. > Maybe we can all get a handle on this. > Susie > "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… > > Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired > > all > > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I > > went > > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to > > the > > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > > Fuck > > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. > > The > > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but > > I > > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of > > Pegasys > > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day > > the > > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. > > I > > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They > > were > > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. > > Not > > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last > > a > > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was > > having > > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands > > were > > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them > > all > > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work > > I > > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like > > I > > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep > > a > > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do > > PT > > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take > > off > > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > > America. It was a good time. > > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be > > ok, > > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live > > on), > > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed > > and > > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so > > much > > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and > > AA > > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life > > was > > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > > felt pretty good and health was fine. > > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax > > that > > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > > laughing with the guys at work. > > Manic depression at work here. > > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being > > tired > > all the time. More depression. > > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. > > The > > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours > > if > > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > > crowbar hotel. > > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > > my inner strength to hang in there. > > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the > > treatment > > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone > > I > > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last > > night > > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > > something like this….. > > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > > big mess right now. > > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the > > doctor, > > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > > hope. > > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > > thyroid or

Response:

Heeey Russ, We’re here for you and ain’t nothing wrong with ad’s. I chose to stay on Zoloft post tx and I’ll be 1 year post tx in May. Hang in there my friend, you’re a survivor!! hc "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired all > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I went > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to the > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > Fuck > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. The > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but I > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of Pegasys > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day the > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. I > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They were > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. Not > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last a > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was having > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands were > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them all > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work I > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like I > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep a > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do PT > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take off > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > America. It was a good time. > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be ok, > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live on), > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed and > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so much > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and AA > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life was > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > felt pretty good and health was fine. > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax that > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > laughing with the guys at work. > Manic depression at work here. > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being tired > all the time. More depression. > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. The > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours if > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > crowbar hotel. > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > my inner strength to hang in there. > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the treatment > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone I > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last night > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > something like this….. > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > big mess right now. > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the doctor, > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > hope. > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off of > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The two > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So many > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the > organs. It affects the whole body. My liver was in ok shape and I didn’t > need to do treatment, but I didn’t want to live with this debilitating > fatigue anymore. > My friend Kiak, she has had severe asthma for the last 6 years, she has/had > a cirrhotic liver, heart problems but has killed the HCV. I asked her this > morning how she feels today versus 4 years ago when we met. She says her > asthma isn’t as bad, she has lost a lot of weight (and is looking pretty > damn hot boys!!!! woof!!) I told her I could tell she is healthier. > Bottom line, Hepatitis C isn’t just a "liver" disease, it’s a life disease > for some of us and is for me. > That’s all, I’ll let you all know what the doc and I come up with. > Thanks for listening, it’s good to get this off of my chest and it helps. I > don’t want to start dealing with depression by drinking and drugging like I > used to do in the old days! Today I’m clean, sober (no marijuana either) and > want to keep it that way. I need to get a handle on all of this. > later > — > Russ > Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com

Response:

Thanks for the input on yourself Russ. Man it sure is tough sometimes. Doug "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired > all > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I > went > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to > the > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > Fuck > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. > The > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but > I > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of > Pegasys > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day > the > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. > I > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They > were > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. > Not > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last > a > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was > having > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands > were > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them > all > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work > I > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like > I > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep > a > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do > PT > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take > off > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > America. It was a good time. > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be > ok, > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live > on), > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed > and > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so > much > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and > AA > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life > was > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > felt pretty good and health was fine. > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax > that > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > laughing with the guys at work. > Manic depression at work here. > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being > tired > all the time. More depression. > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. > The > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours > if > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > crowbar hotel. > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > my inner strength to hang in there. > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the > treatment > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone > I > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last > night > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > something like this….. > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > big mess right now. > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the > doctor, > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > hope. > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off > of > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The > two > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So > many > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the > organs. It affects the whole body. My liver was in ok shape and I didn’t > need to do treatment, but I didn’t want to live with this debilitating > fatigue anymore. > My friend Kiak, she has had severe asthma for the last 6 years, she > has/had > a cirrhotic liver, heart problems but has killed the HCV. I asked her this > morning how she feels today versus 4 years ago when we met. She says her > asthma isn’t as bad, she has lost a lot of weight (and is looking pretty > damn hot boys!!!! woof!!) I told her I could tell she is healthier. > Bottom line, Hepatitis C isn’t just a "liver" disease, it’s a life disease > for some of us and is for me. > That’s all, I’ll let you all know what the doc and I come up with. > Thanks for listening, it’s good to get this off of my chest and it helps. > I > don’t want to start dealing with depression by drinking and drugging like > I > used to do in the old days! Today I’m clean, sober (no marijuana either) > and > want to keep it that way. I need to get a handle on all of this. > later > — > Russ > Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com

Response:

"Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness." Hi Russ … Sorry to hear of your problems. I’ve have had to deal with depression and manic depresion for the last 20 years. A lot of what you are experiencing may be from depression as much as the hep-c. Fatigue is a big time symptom of depression, along with anxiety and sleeplessness. Go get those antidepressants! Be aware though that not all types work for all people … and it takes some time for them to kick in. But if one type doesn’t work … try another type. Definitely a trial and error process.Good Luck! Ken

Response:

Hey Geb, you get all the gum off your shoes yet? Elmo http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/DocElmosHepFile http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/TheFamilyAlbum

Response:

Thanks for the kind words, I guess sharing my story was a good idea! Hugs back at ya! — Russ Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com "Thip" <m…@privacy.net> wrote in message

news:1110589888.0b3125bafc0dbd758e61f72a5c721425@teranews… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> {{{{{{{{{{{Hug}}}}}}}}}} I wish I was there so I could give you the real > thing. > Thanks so much for putting all this down. It’s helped me realize I’m not > alone in dealing with this horrible fatigue and the depression (whish also > runs in my family, but not as bad as yours). My ever-lovin’ hubby blew his > brains out in the bedroom a couple years ago while I was at work and my > daughter was yakking to her best friend on the phone, and that left me with > some additional serious issues to handle, along with the even more serious > issues my daughter had. I’m not saying that to generate pity from anyone, > but to let you know how very, very much your post helped me to put my > problems back into perspective. You’re a great guy. Too bad they don’t > make more like you. > "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message > news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… > > Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired > all > > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I > went > > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to > the > > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > > Fuck > > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. > The > > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but > I > > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of > Pegasys > > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day > the > > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. > I > > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They > were > > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. > Not > > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last > a > > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was > having > > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands > were > > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them > all > > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work > I > > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like > I > > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep > a > > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do > PT > > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take > off > > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > > America. It was a good time. > > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be > ok, > > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live > on), > > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed > and > > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so > much > > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and > AA > > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life > was > > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > > felt pretty good and health was fine. > > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax > that > > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > > laughing with the guys at work. > > Manic depression at work here. > > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being > tired > > all the time. More depression. > > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. > The > > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours > if > > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > > crowbar hotel. > > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > > my inner strength to hang in there. > > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the > treatment > > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone > I > > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last > night > > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > > something like this….. > > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > > big mess right now. > > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the > doctor, > > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > > hope. > > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off > of > > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The > two > > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So > many > > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this

Response:

Thanks for sharing your story. My biggest problem right now is still fatigue. Finished treatment last September, but the fatigue never got better. So went for sleep study in November in the Philippines. Dx. with severe obstructive sleep apnea. Finally got the c-pap machine a week ago, (out of pocket cost for the sleep study, the plane fare, and the machine and mask) and I was hoping for great changes. I’m still _______ tired. The machine isn’t comfortable to wear at night, but I’d put up with almost anything for a good nights sleep. Folkes are telling me it may just take time. My fibromyalgia pain is still with me too. I’m tired of hurting. Was hoping it was from the sleep apnea and the fibromyalgia would miraculously disappear too. No such luck yet, but I still have some hope. Will go for my six month post treatment test next week or so and I feel like it will be negative…but am still nervous about it. I think my depression lifted because I thought this machine would give me my life back. So, I’m back to being depressed as well as fatigued and hurting. I just want to feel rested. It has been ten years since I’ve felt rested. Well, I know I’m not in this alone. Maybe we can all get a handle on this. Susie "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired > all > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I > went > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to > the > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > Fuck > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. > The > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but > I > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of > Pegasys > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day > the > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. > I > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They > were > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. > Not > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last > a > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was > having > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands > were > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them > all > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work > I > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like > I > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep > a > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do > PT > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take > off > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > America. It was a good time. > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be > ok, > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live > on), > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed > and > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so > much > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and > AA > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life > was > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > felt pretty good and health was fine. > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax > that > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > laughing with the guys at work. > Manic depression at work here. > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being > tired > all the time. More depression. > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. > The > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours > if > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > crowbar hotel. > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > my inner strength to hang in there. > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the > treatment > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone > I > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last > night > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > something like this….. > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > big mess right now. > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the > doctor, > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > hope. > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off > of > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The > two > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So > many > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the > organs. It

Response:

Hi Thip, How are you doing? I’m trying to forget the battle but it’s not so easy. As I type memories of you and all the support you gave in the darkest hours are flooding in. You, for sure, gave me a swift kick in the stomp when I needed it most. Say hi to the goats! Baaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Geb

Response:

HI Geb, long time dude!!! Where you been? Well like the saying goes, "No matter where you go, there you are!". I’ll deal with this here for now. Read my next post and I’ll tell what the doc says. thanks — Russ Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com "Geb Bixer" <gbi…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:1110585674.762854.80220@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello Russ, > I can’t say I know how you feel; because, during my deepst darkest > moments on TX, it never as bad for me as it is for you right now. I > think you were on the right track when you took your two month > vacation. Perhaps, if you could engineer a way to permanently change > your environment, it might help. Extreme weather has a lot to do with > the way we feel. I was up in Maryland last week and I noticed the > expressions on allot of people’s faces as a cold front from Canada > wipped through the area. All hunched over and grimacing, they were > clearly stressed. > Summertime in Florida is the same way. It’s hotter than hell, the > mosquitoes and humidity are unbearable; throw in a couple of hurricanes > and presto! > The solution as I see it is to extricate. You have a good job and can > make a pile of money, but so what? If you are depressed and unhappy > what does it matter? Vancouver, from what my research indicates, looks > like a real nice place. The weather is pleasant and mild. Not only > that, it is within striking distance of Waterspider! That should be > fun. Fun just might be part of the solution. > I hope you feel better and before doing any thing drastic, consider > getting the flock outta Dodge. > Geb > Russ wrote: > > Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it > all. > > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that > out I > > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so > tired all > > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver > function > > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that > I went > > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He > quietly > > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went > to the > > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > > Fuck > > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep > c. The > > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, > but I > > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off > vague > > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of > Pegasys > > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a > day the > > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. > That > > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 > the > > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and > tired. I > > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. > They were > > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was > 8.something. Not > > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have > these > > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would > last a > > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was > having > > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my > hands were > > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for > sleep, > > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never > feel > > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would > at > > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need > them all > > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from > work I > > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral > Load was > > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was > done > > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt > like I > > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. > About mid > > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up > to the > > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the > fatigue is > > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like > symptoms" > > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to > keep a > > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and > do PT > > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month > of > > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for > my > > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling > better > > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t > surprised > > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I > take off > > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now > and > > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in > South > > America. It was a good time. > > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being > home > > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, > it’s a > > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would > be ok, > > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside > in the > > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue > factor is > > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know > it’s > > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to > live on), > > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m > falling > > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I > have > > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely > depressed and > > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is > doing > > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in > so much > > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management > and AA > > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and > life was > > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in > 1998 I > > felt pretty good and health was fine. > > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue > but > > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is > working > > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end > of a > > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg > xanax that > > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid > eh??? > > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > > laughing with the guys at work. > > Manic depression at work here. > > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and > starting > > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being > tired > > all the time. More depression. > > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I > sleep. The > > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 > hours if > > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like > an > > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > > crowbar hotel. > > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It > took all > > my inner strength to hang in there. > > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the > my > > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the > treatment > > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her > pea > > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but > someone I > > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired > I can > > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them > last night > > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness > is > > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It > goes > > something like this….. > > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe > Fatigue, > > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed > into a > > big mess right now. > > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the > doctor, > > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend > NO!, I > > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some > kind of > > hope. > > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on > has > > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe > it’s a > > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of > the > > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It

Response:

Russ- Thanks for sharing your story. This part sounds alot like my story. I’ve struggled with addiction/alcoholism & depression myself. I’m glad you have such a good friend to talk to. For me writing my thoughts & feelings on paper is therapeutic….it get’s the shit out of my head and some how disarms itself. Take care and let us know what the doc says. This too shall pass Mark – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Thanks for listening, it’s good to get this off of my chest and it helps. > I > don’t want to start dealing with depression by drinking and drugging like > I > used to do in the old days! Today I’m clean, sober (no marijuana either) > and > want to keep it that way. I need to get a handle on all of this. > later > — > Russ > Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Russ wrote: > Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired all > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I went > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to the > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > Fuck > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. The > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but I > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of Pegasys > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day the > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. I > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They were > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. Not > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last a > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was having > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands were > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them all > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work I > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like I > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep a > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do PT > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take off > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > America. It was a good time. > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be ok, > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live on), > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed and > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so much > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and AA > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life was > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > felt pretty good and health was fine. > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax that > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > laughing with the guys at work. > Manic depression at work here. > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being tired > all the time. More depression. > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. The > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours if > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > crowbar hotel. > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > my inner strength to hang in there. > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the treatment > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone I > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last night > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > something like this….. > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > big mess right now. > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the doctor, > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > hope. > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off of > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The two > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So many > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the > organs. It affects the whole body. My liver was in ok shape and I didn’t > need to do treatment, but I didn’t want to live with this debilitating > fatigue anymore. > My friend Kiak, she has had severe asthma for the last 6 years, she has/had > a cirrhotic liver, heart problems but has killed the HCV. I asked her this > morning how she feels today versus 4 years ago when we met. She says her > asthma isn’t as bad, she has lost a lot of weight (and is looking pretty > damn hot boys!!!! woof!!) I told her I could tell she is healthier. > Bottom line, Hepatitis C isn’t just a "liver" disease, it’s a life disease > for some of us and is for me. > That’s all, I’ll let you all know what the doc and I come up with. > Thanks for listening, it’s good to get this off of my chest and it helps. I > don’t want to start dealing with depression by drinking and drugging like I > used to do in the old days! Today I’m clean, sober (no marijuana either) and > want to keep it that way. I need to get a handle on all of this. > later

Hang in there Russ, I know how you feel. This is the beginning of Spring Break for us so I’m hoping to rest enough to make it through the rest of the school year. After this last round of tx, I feel the fatigue more than I ever have before. I have to fight just to stay awake in class and find that I’m very irritable with all of my students and don’t try very hard to hide … read more »

Response:

Thanks for the post, Russ. It indeed sounds like you’re on the road to working things out. Let us know how your appt went this afternoon, bro. Elmo http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/DocElmosHepFile http://community.webtv.net/elmoemerson/TheFamilyAlbum

Response:

{{{{{{{{{{{Hug}}}}}}}}}} I wish I was there so I could give you the real thing. Thanks so much for putting all this down. It’s helped me realize I’m not alone in dealing with this horrible fatigue and the depression (whish also runs in my family, but not as bad as yours). My ever-lovin’ hubby blew his brains out in the bedroom a couple years ago while I was at work and my daughter was yakking to her best friend on the phone, and that left me with some additional serious issues to handle, along with the even more serious issues my daughter had. I’m not saying that to generate pity from anyone, but to let you know how very, very much your post helped me to put my problems back into perspective. You’re a great guy. Too bad they don’t make more like you. "Russ" <sourdo55 at yahoo.com> wrote in message news:11342q2lm305677@corp.supernews.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired all > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I went > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to the > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > Fuck > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. The > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but I > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of Pegasys > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day the > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. I > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They were > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. Not > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last a > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was having > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands were > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them all > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work I > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like I > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep a > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do PT > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take off > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > America. It was a good time. > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be ok, > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live on), > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed and > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so much > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and AA > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life was > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > felt pretty good and health was fine. > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax that > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > laughing with the guys at work. > Manic depression at work here. > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being tired > all the time. More depression. > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. The > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours if > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > crowbar hotel. > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > my inner strength to hang in there. > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the treatment > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone I > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last night > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > something like this….. > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > big mess right now. > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the doctor, > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > hope. > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off of > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The two > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So many > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the > organs. It affects the whole body. My liver was in ok shape and I didn’t > need to do treatment, but I didn’t want to live with this debilitating > fatigue anymore. > My friend Kiak, she has had severe asthma for the last 6 years, she has/had > a cirrhotic liver, heart problems but has killed the HCV. I asked her this > morning how she feels today versus 4 years ago when we met. She says her > asthma isn’t as bad, she has lost a lot of weight (and is looking pretty > damn hot boys!!!! woof!!) I told her I could tell she is healthier. > Bottom line, Hepatitis C isn’t just a "liver" disease, it’s a

Response:

GEB!!!!!!! You are so missed!!!! "Geb Bixer" <gbi…@yahoo.com> wrote in message

news:1110585674.762854.80220@o13g2000cwo.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hello Russ,

Response:

Hello Russ, I can’t say I know how you feel; because, during my deepst darkest moments on TX, it never as bad for me as it is for you right now. I think you were on the right track when you took your two month vacation. Perhaps, if you could engineer a way to permanently change your environment, it might help. Extreme weather has a lot to do with the way we feel. I was up in Maryland last week and I noticed the expressions on allot of people’s faces as a cold front from Canada wipped through the area. All hunched over and grimacing, they were clearly stressed. Summertime in Florida is the same way. It’s hotter than hell, the mosquitoes and humidity are unbearable; throw in a couple of hurricanes and presto! The solution as I see it is to extricate. You have a good job and can make a pile of money, but so what? If you are depressed and unhappy what does it matter? Vancouver, from what my research indicates, looks like a real nice place. The weather is pleasant and mild. Not only that, it is within striking distance of Waterspider! That should be fun. Fun just might be part of the solution. I hope you feel better and before doing any thing drastic, consider getting the flock outta Dodge. Geb – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Russ wrote: > Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… > Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. > Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I > went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired all > the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function > tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I went > to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly > tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to the > doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." > Fuck > I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. The > usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but I > got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague > "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. > 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of Pegasys > once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day the > same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That > was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the > thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. I > went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They were > as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. Not > too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these > occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last a > week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was having > one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands were > just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, > but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel > tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at > least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them all > the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work I > just conk out and wake up refreshed. > Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was > over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done > last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like I > was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid > September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the > usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is > really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" > coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep a > positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right > shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do PT > , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of > October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my > blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better > and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised > Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. > Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take off > for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and > have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in > California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South > America. It was a good time. > Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home > they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a > bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be ok, > just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the > cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is > really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s > the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. > I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live on), > but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling > into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have > lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed and > checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing > 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. > I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so much > trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and AA > and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life was > good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I > felt pretty good and health was fine. > But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but > depression wasn’t a factor even then. > Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working > me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a > shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax that > I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long > snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? > Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and > laughing with the guys at work. > Manic depression at work here. > Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting > to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being tired > all the time. More depression. > The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. The > less I sleep the more depressed I get. > This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours if > I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an > atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency > vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the > crowbar hotel. > Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all > my inner strength to hang in there. > And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my > primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 > Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the treatment > with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea > picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone I > can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can > hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last night > and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. > I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is > still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes > something like this….. > Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, > Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a > big mess right now. > By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the doctor, > and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I > felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of > hope. > Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has > given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a > thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the > bouts I had previously mention in this post. > Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off of > them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with > me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type > this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my > voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. > I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The two > biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all > the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So many > doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the > organs. It affects the whole body. My liver was in ok shape and I didn’t > need to do treatment, but I didn’t want to live with this debilitating > fatigue anymore. > My friend Kiak, she has had severe asthma for the last 6

Response:

Whew, tough week here for me folks, here goes my spiel…… Most of you know all this but for the newcomers I’ll just retell it all. Three years ago I was diagnosed with the Hep C. Before I found that out I went in for a full physical and my main complaint was "Why am I so tired all the time?". Full blood work, CBC, Thyroid, Diabetes, LFT’s (liver function tests which were very normal and low) this and that. Right after that I went to Seattle and was visiting with my old buddy from high school. He quietly tells me he as Hep C. I asked him how he found out how. "Well I went to the doctor to see why I was so fucking tired all the time." Fuck I go home and call the doctor to check for that and bingo I have Hep c. The usually up and down moody swings in trying to deal with that thought, but I got through it fairly fast. Meanwhile the usually fatigue and on/off vague "flu like symptoms" that would come and go. 1 1/2 years later I start the treatment, type 1a so it’s 48 weeks of Pegasys once a week and 1200mb Ribaviran a day. I also started Zoloft 50mg a day the same time. My thyroid went Hyper about 4 months into the treatment. That was like being on speed, I was pretty nuts at the time. About month 5 the thyroid just quit and then I was cold, tired and very lethargic and tired. I went on the Synthroid, 100 ug a day. Slowly my TSH levels dropped. They were as high as 149 (max is 5.5) but by the end of treatment was 8.something. Not too bad. But while in the last few months of treatment I would have these occasional episodes of extreme anxiety and sleeplessness. Those would last a week or two and then just go away. On the week of my last shot I was having one of those episodes and the BCLD was able to see my anxiety (my hands were just shaking) and prescribed me some Xanax. I was taking Ambien for sleep, but all those would do was make me have double vision, I would never feel tired and they didn’t work for sleep at all. Xanax did fine, I would at least "feel sleepy" and could get a good nights rest. I didn’t need them all the time. Normally I never have problems sleeping. If I’m tired from work I just conk out and wake up refreshed. Last December 1st I got the news that I had relapsed and my Viral Load was over 3 million UI/ML. After the chemo wore off (about 5 weeks, I was done last year about the first week of June.) I had so much energy I felt like I was two feet off the ground. I felt wonderful and life was good. About mid September I started to feel a little bit tired, but chalked that up to the usual long hours of working construction. October last year the fatigue is really getting noticeable, AND I start to have the "flu like symptoms" coming on. In the back of my mind I’m thinking relapse, but trying to keep a positive mind I try not to think that way. AT the same time my right shoulder just blows up and is very painful. I see the doc on that and do PT , pain meds and a strong anti-inflammatory (Indocin). The whole month of October I don’t feel very good at all. About mid November I go in for my blood draw for my 6-month post PCR and CBC. My shoulder was feeling better and I was starting to feel a bit better with the "flu". I wasn’t surprised Dec. 1st, my appointment with the BCLD that I had relapsed. Well that was a big let down and a bit depressing. December 7th, I take off for a two month vacation and decide to "just put it behind me for now and have a good time". And I did. A month in the states, most of it in California in some nice sunny weather, then a wonderful month in South America. It was a good time. Then I’m back in the cold dark of Alaska and within 3 days of being home they call from work wanting me to come in. Well fuck me I thought, it’s a bit cold to be working but they said it’s in the shop and that would be ok, just working 4-10 hour days. After the the first week I was outside in the cold (well below freezing!!!) working and it’s hard. The fatigue factor is really getting to me. After just 4 10 hour days I’m just beat. I know it’s the Hep causing the fatigue and now the depression is coming on. I think, "In two more years I can take early retirement (enough to live on), but man can I handle this line of work??" More depression. Now I’m falling into a pretty dark hole here guys and gals. Depression is something I have lived with all my life. It’s in my family. My dad was severely depressed and checked out when I was 7. My brother is severely depressed and is doing 10-15 in the pen for nearly killing his wife. I used to deal with depression with drugs and alcohol till I was in so much trouble (late 1980’s) that I saw the light, went to anger management and AA and cleaned up. For many years I felt great, was very energetic and life was good (till my ex-wife started drinking again). After my divorce in 1998 I felt pretty good and health was fine. But in the last 4-5 years there was this slow progression of fatigue but depression wasn’t a factor even then. Back to the last month and starting back at work the depression is working me hard. The last three weeks I start thinking about "eating the end of a shotgun". Then I think, "Nawwww, too messy. Maybe 90 of those 2mg xanax that I get constant spam emails about getting over the internet and a long snowmachine ride to where no one would ever find me." Pretty morbid eh??? Then just like that I’ll have a (few and far) day where I’m fine and laughing with the guys at work. Manic depression at work here. Two weeks ago, the anxiety is starting up, irritable, cranky, and starting to have problems sleeping. And all the time thinking about life being tired all the time. More depression. The less I sleep, the edgier I get. The edgier I get the less I sleep. The less I sleep the more depressed I get. This last week as been a total fucked up mess. No sleep, maybe 2-3 hours if I’m lucky. Anybody that looks at me wrong I feel like blowing up like an atom bomb over Nagasaki. Not a good idea, there will be two emergency vehicles, one for the guy going to the hospital and one for me to the crowbar hotel. Yesterday I was so fucking tired I could hardly drive to work. It took all my inner strength to hang in there. And I realize, I can’t do this by myself and need help. I called the my primary Doctor for an appointment. I go in today at 4:20 Last night I’m talking to Kiak (not a poster here but she did the treatment with me, she was type 2b and today is clear of the virus, bless her pea picking heart), I consider her someone not only my best friend but someone I can confide in( and counting my friends here at ASH-C). I’m so tired I can hardly talk. Well she has Xanax and gave me two .5mg, I took them last night and FINALLY I fall into a long 11 hour sleep. I feel a bit better getting some sleep but the anxiety and tiredness is still there. I’m writing notes and thoughts to pass on to the doc. It goes something like this….. Hep c > Fatigue> Depression > Anxiety > Sleeplessness > Severe Fatigue, Depression, Anxiety, Sleeplessness. The whole thing has snowballed into a big mess right now. By doing three things, #1 TAKING to a trusted friend, #2 Calling the doctor, and #3 telling the guys at work who wanted me to work all weekend NO!, I felt like I have regained some kind of control and with that some kind of hope. Back to the endocrinology thing, the rapid way in which this came on has given some things to bring up on my talk with my doc today. Maybe it’s a thyroid or other glandular thing, I don’t know. But it reminds me of the bouts I had previously mention in this post. Bottom line, I want to go on Antidepressants ASAP. It was easy to get off of them and till then and the doc’s figure out what the hell is going on with me because even after a good nights sleep I can feel the anxiety as I type this. This morning I talked to Kiak and she said she can hear it in my voice. Get my ship in some calmer seas and try to figure this out. I write this story because so many others go through the same thing. The two biggest complaints I notice with people with Hep C is #1, their tired all the time and #2, joint aches. But Fatigue is a big factor with this. So many doctors are too "liver orientated" about this virus. It affects all the organs. It affects the whole body. My liver was in ok shape and I didn’t need to do treatment, but I didn’t want to live with this debilitating fatigue anymore. My friend Kiak, she has had severe asthma for the last 6 years, she has/had a cirrhotic liver, heart problems but has killed the HCV. I asked her this morning how she feels today versus 4 years ago when we met. She says her asthma isn’t as bad, she has lost a lot of weight (and is looking pretty damn hot boys!!!! woof!!) I told her I could tell she is healthier. Bottom line, Hepatitis C isn’t just a "liver" disease, it’s a life disease for some of us and is for me. That’s all, I’ll let you all know what the doc and I come up with. Thanks for listening, it’s good to get this off of my chest and it helps. I don’t want to start dealing with depression by drinking and drugging like I used to do in the old days! Today I’m clean, sober (no marijuana either) and want to keep it that way. I need to get a handle on all of this. later — Russ Visit Alaska @ http://www.tannersacre.com