Help! Partner Lacks Understanding!
Question:
~ Ronbo ~ <ronb…@webtv.net> wrote in message news:20662-3790DA6B-65@newsd-122.bryant.webtv.net… For me, anyone who is not empathetic to my pain or ill-heath and you have to go out of your way to prove to this person that you are ill is just not worth being a friend or spouse. There are lots of caring people out there, find them and treasure them. Ron M. Ron, Like I saif to JBF mate – you just crucified but did you have the Messiah or just a naughty little boy? The guy may be SO in love that his emotion wont let him THINK of her being sick. Happened to me with my wife! — Remove the anti-spammer stuff
Response:
John B. Fisher <john_b_fis…@bellsouth.net> wrote in message news:0rak3.10494$Qk.18596@news2.mco… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> gregh wrote: > > Johnno, > > Trial and execution without proof, just circumstantial > > evidence, mate. … This guy may just be SO in love > > with her that he cant emotionally take the thought of > > her being sick and rejects the notion. Been there and > > been through it with my wife who I had to realise was > > like that, first and then do something about it to ensure > > I didnt die last year or the year before. … She loved me > > too much to kill me by stupidity! I really hated doing it > > but it was literally causing me massive chest pains. > Guilty as charged. Thanks for your post, and the observation that other > reasons might be causing this behaviour. Thanks for taking the time to > provide a different voice to the matter.
JBF, We live and we learn. The longer I live, the longer I learn. The longer I learn, the longer I live! ;-} — Remove the anti-spammer stuff
Response:
In article <379126A6.A1C79…@earthlink.net>, Patrick Richards <patricha…@earthlink.net> wrote: >I have been on cpap for 6 months with no relief. My titration showed that >I sleep with no apneas but I only had 10% Stage 1, 75% Stage 2, 5% Stage 3, >No Stage 4 and 10% REM.
Then why was CPAP prescribed? It doesn’t seem like you have any problem that CPAP can address. — Planet Bog — pools of toxic chemicals bubble under a choking atomsphere of poisonous gases… but aside from that, it’s not much like Earth.
Response:
In article <5u4k3.9865$Qk.17…@news2.mco>, John B. Fisher <john_b_fis…@bellsouth.net> wrote: >ame wrote: >> I want him to read this NG, I think that might help. He >> hates doctors and thinks if someone "suggests" an illness, >> you think you have it. More $$$ for doctors, he says. I even >> dragged him to my neurologist and he explained so many >> things to him as I asked very obvious questions. >Ame, I hate to be blunt, but let’s face reality here. Your friend does not >believe doctors. He has NO intellectual basis for this animosity.
It might be worth asking if he has has any bad experiences with doctors. As many readers here know from first hand experience, a runin with a doctor who is incompetent and unable to diagnose or misdiagnoses your health problems can easily result in a very low opinion of the medical profession, especially since incompetence and arrogance seem to go hand-in-hand in medicine. — Planet Bog — pools of toxic chemicals bubble under a choking atomsphere of poisonous gases… but aside from that, it’s not much like Earth.
Response:
Hi, ya know it seems so difficult for people around us to understand us. They think we are just lazy, or whatever. That is exactly why I rely on this ng for support and friendship, cause every single person here understands our each and every sleep problem. It is so frustrating for our loved ones who say they love us not to give a hoot about our oversleeping or undersleeping or breathing or not. They just don’t want to hear about it. Maybe it’s just too threatening to them, who knows, but for sure, there is very little and I emphasize little, support outside this group (including the medical professtion) about our sleep problems. Hang in, and stay with us here on this ng. We all care a lot. Deb
Response:
ame wrote: > I want him to read this NG, I think that might help. He > hates doctors and thinks if someone "suggests" an illness, > you think you have it. More $$$ for doctors, he says. I even > dragged him to my neurologist and he explained so many > things to him as I asked very obvious questions.
Ame, I hate to be blunt, but let’s face reality here. Your friend does not believe doctors. He has NO intellectual basis for this animosity. He’s decided that you are just being "lazy", again ignoring any factual input. So, what’s to keep this approach to life from spreading to other areas and making your life miserable, if not even threatening your health. This is the start of abusive behaviour. My wife and I have helped a couple of friends who were stuck in such relationships. You need to understand that he MUST see your point of view. Unless he is willing to be concerned about your welfare, he will not change. If he can’t adapt, as painful as it might seem, you are better off without him. Man, I *HATE* saying that. I *know* how painful that can be. But I fear for you. Such an attitude tends to get worse with time. Unless he’s able to completely turn around several areas of his life (I say that cause it never shows up in just one area), this trend won’t change. Regards, =jbf= John B. Fisher
Response:
ame <amethyst…@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:26164-3792BE7E-168@newsd-223.iap.bryant.webtv.net… > that being blunt and being insensitively BLUNT are two different things.
Quite often, BLUNT is all I can understand when in the worst of my sleep apnea physical downtimes. Eg, for my recent birthday, my wife got me a force feedback joystick. I have been so physically down for most of a week (covering my bday) that I cant understand how to play the games I like using it. It will come back when I get through this no doubt. All I am saying is sometimes, BLUNT is better than anything else for me so maybe it is the same for other sleep apnea sufferers on occasion also? See, with BLUNT goes insensitivity in me, for example. Maybe it is the same with others when in the down cycle? — Remove the anti-spammer stuff
Response:
Mr. Fischer, I’m not really sure why you chose to respond to my post regarding the above subject. Just so you know, I face reality head on. I am a strong intelligent woman with my eyes wide open, even though medical problems are present in my life. As for my boyfriend, you also seemed to doubt his intelligence and question his concern for my welfare. I believe that he is intelligent, does indeed care about me, but is so HEALTHY that he finds it difficult to understand any illness. In my opinion, intelligent people are the ONLY ones that question doctors. Ignorant people just take the prescribed medication, and treat the Dr. like a Higher Power….. Yes, I did ask for assistance, I do have a serious problem. I really appreciate this forum, and have been welcomed even though it has been my "home" for only 3 weeks. I wanted to talk with people who had experienced the same situation with their partners. I did get several very sensitive, caring replies. Then there was yours. I would not and could not make serious assumptions and tell someone I didn’t know that their partner was destined to be abusive. I appreciate the fact that you "fear for me" but I just wanted to say that being blunt and being insensitively BLUNT are two different things. I certainly do not need to have things "sugar coated", but I did find your reply somewhat offensive. ~Ame
Response:
Cpap was probably prescribed for the 41 rdis per hour that I have. Cpap, by the way, usually stops apnea and hypopia events. I have copies of both my sleep studies and know what the results are and what they mean. I was posting that I have another problem in addition to sleep apnea but having a heck of a time trying to find out what it is. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -James Buster wrote: > In article <379126A6.A1C79…@earthlink.net>, > Patrick Richards <patricha…@earthlink.net> wrote: > >I have been on cpap for 6 months with no relief. My titration showed that > >I sleep with no apneas but I only had 10% Stage 1, 75% Stage 2, 5% Stage 3, > >No Stage 4 and 10% REM. > Then why was CPAP prescribed? It doesn’t seem like you have any > problem that CPAP can address. > — > Planet Bog — pools of toxic chemicals bubble under a choking > atomsphere of poisonous gases… but aside from that, it’s not > much like Earth.
Response:
In article <rep-ya02408000R1707992119270…@news.pacbell.net>, r…@inanna.com says… > I’m quite lucky. My Loved One is the one who noticed I stopped breathing at > night, and is the one who pressed me to to keep seeking help, even though > it took years to find a doctor who believed a woman my age could have sleep > apnea. Now that I have a CPAP machine, we both sleep a lot better!
I guess I’m lucky too. For a couple of years my wife was frustrated that I went to bed late and woke up late, thinking that there must be some quick solution that I just haven’t tried. However, since I found out it was a medical disorder (delayed sleep phase) she has been very understanding. Of course, I still can’t convince my parents. But you can’t have everything. — … michael moncur … nos…@starlingtech.com (yes, it’s a real address) … Author of various books and maintainer of various Web sites … Details: http://www.starlingtech.com/
Response:
REP <r…@inanna.com> wrote in message
news:rep-ya02408000R1707992119270001@news.pacbell.net… > I’m quite lucky. My Loved One is the one who noticed I stopped breathing at > night, and is the one who pressed me to to keep seeking help, even though > it took years to find a doctor who believed a woman my age could have sleep > apnea. Now that I have a CPAP machine, we both sleep a lot better!
Some doctors need to go to medical school to be honest. I have had sleep apnea since the day I was born! — Remove the anti-spammer stuff
Response:
John B. Fisher <john_b_fis…@bellsouth.net> wrote in message news:5u4k3.9865$Qk.17525@news2.mco… > ame wrote: > > I want him to read this NG, I think that might help. He > > hates doctors and thinks if someone "suggests" an illness, > > you think you have it. More $$$ for doctors, he says. I even > > dragged him to my neurologist and he explained so many > > things to him as I asked very obvious questions. > Ame, I hate to be blunt, but let’s face reality here. Your friend does not > believe doctors. He has NO intellectual basis for this animosity. He’s
Johnno, Trial and execution without proof, just circumstantial evidence, mate. Read my reply. This guy may just be SO in love with her that he cant emotionally take the thought of her being sick and rejects the notion. Been there and been through it with my wife who I had to realise was like that, first and then do something about it to ensure I didnt die last year or the year before. I remember one thing I said to her: "I love you very much but if you arent going to realise that what you are doing is physically causing me pains in the chest and down the arm and making me almost black out thus nearly killing me, then I am going to have to do something about being apart from you. My life is short enough without you making it shorter". She loved me too much to kill me by stupidity! I really hated doing it but it was literally causing me massive chest pains. — Remove the anti-spammer stuff
Response:
I’m quite lucky. My Loved One is the one who noticed I stopped breathing at night, and is the one who pressed me to to keep seeking help, even though it took years to find a doctor who believed a woman my age could have sleep apnea. Now that I have a CPAP machine, we both sleep a lot better!
Response:
ame <amethyst…@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:22738-37904DAC-27@newsd-222.iap.bryant.webtv.net… > Hello all! > How does everyone else handle the boyfriend/spouse/friend that does not > believe that sleep disorders exist? I have Delayed Sleep Phase
My wife wasnt quite like that. She just intellectually knew that my life was shortened but emotionally wouldnt accept that anything was wrong. As a result, every time I told her what she was doing or not doing was really causing me problems, she would sympathise and say she understood but continue the same way. It took ME to understand that she full well KNEW what was going on but didnt want to face it. For my own life, I had to MAKE her understand. She did a whole heap of crying when I forced her to face it but things have been a lot better ever since. > Disorder, and he knew that going into our relationship 2 yrs ago. Now > it is tearing us apart as I walk around like a zombie, trying to be > "awake" when he wants me to. I can’t do it anymore… > I want him to read this NG, I think that might help. He hates doctors > and thinks if someone "suggests" an illness, you think you have it. More > $$$ for doctors, he says. I even dragged him to my neurologist and he > explained so many things to him as I asked very obvious questions.
First off, see if he is being something like my wife was. Is he just refusing to see it because he doesnt want to think of you as having problems because he LOVES you so much or is he just an asshole? If the former, then MAKE him understand. Dont let him say "yeah yeah" and walk away. Make it known to him how important it is that he pay attention and go through it and then maybe he will come around. If he is just an asshole, well you already have one so why do you need two???? — Remove the anti-spammer stuff
Response:
gregh wrote: > Johnno, > Trial and execution without proof, just circumstantial > evidence, mate. … This guy may just be SO in love > with her that he cant emotionally take the thought of > her being sick and rejects the notion. Been there and > been through it with my wife who I had to realise was > like that, first and then do something about it to ensure > I didnt die last year or the year before. … She loved me > too much to kill me by stupidity! I really hated doing it > but it was literally causing me massive chest pains.
Guilty as charged. Thanks for your post, and the observation that other reasons might be causing this behaviour. Thanks for taking the time to provide a different voice to the matter. Regards, =jbf= John B. Fisher
Response:
For me, anyone who is not empathetic to my pain or
