Whoa..
Question:
ML, not sure if this is any consolation…..I had a very similar conversation last week with a friend of mine, still married after 30 years, about to send her youngest son off to college in the fall. We were talking about all his acceptance papers, planning, forms etc and she mentioned this same thing. Could it be related to the kids’ ages? She felt that is had more to do with her past 26 years of her life being very much devoted to being "Mom" and now seeing that they really didn’t need the Mom she had been but a different Mom. She felt it had more to do with that than anything else. She said that in many respects she looks at her kids and feels she doesn’t know them anymore and has this sense of loss although she knows it isn’t a loss. Just thought I would toss that into your mix! ;-) Denise – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – x- Xe shopping w/my 21-yr old (i was at their house cooking dinner tonight) and ran into his 4th grade teacher. What a flashback, brought back that whole piece of life when i was so involved with my kids, their school, etc – all the good things i miss from then. Got me thinking of how much has changed, and kind of disoriented like who the heck AM i? That was 10 years ago. I don’t know if that person was me or i’m somebody who replaced that person. Maybe i’ve been in denial of what i actually lost. Sometimes i’m not sure who i am or what is my role in life. I don’t know if the going back and forth between both households is healthy for my head or not. Still, i’m not giving up seeing them as long as they’re around, and it’s the way it is going to be. Once they’re both out on their own, i won’t have to go back to my old home anymore. Just a step backward, i guess. I’ll get back on track.
Response:
I know the two-home situation that is an outcome of your divorce, and your current living situation where the boys don’t visit you, has been really tough on you ML. Everyone who goes through divorce with kids, especially the NCP, has a difficult life challenge facing them. The emotional strain must be overwhelming at times? You’re so incredibly strong and wise, ML. I’m confident with you more than most, that you’ll find your new identity as the mother of two young adult men soon, and settle into the role with the grace and confidence with which you face every other part of your life.
Thank you. They’re almost grown, by June i’ll have no more minor children. Then i can take a deep breath and let life start winding down "my work is finished" sort of thing. Thank goodness. It’s almost a sense of opening up the page to the very last chapter of a very long book.
Response:
That was beautifully put Janie. Megan – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – You’re so incredibly strong and wise, ML. I’m confident with you more than most, that you’ll find your new identity as the mother of two young adult men soon, and settle into the role with the grace and confidence with which you face every other part of your life. Hugs, Janie — "The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated." –William James
Response:
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