Question:
"what made you say "once"?" Maybe onces should have been said twice "who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years." I often wonder things like this, but not exactally this. "how are the mind and body connected…?" I belive it is by a central never cord, though paths through the heart are also in place. "its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?" I predict about 69, though it depends on the roughness of the lick, and the size. "the world may never know." Well now they do What I don’t understand is why we are pondering these things, –Me. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text —— Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.teens Sent: Saturday, October 12, 2002 3:10 PM what made you say "once"? who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years. how are the mind and body connected…? its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? the world may never know. ~*miss kenna*~ No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
oooh, but we can doubt your opinions. there is no proof in these answers. besides, the brain and the mind are not the same thing.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "what made you say "once"?" Maybe onces should have been said twice "who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years." I often wonder things like this, but not exactally this. "how are the mind and body connected…?" I belive it is by a central never cord, though paths through the heart are also in place. "its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?" I predict about 69, though it depends on the roughness of the lick, and the size. "the world may never know." Well now they do What I don’t understand is why we are pondering these things, –Me. —– Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.teens Sent: Saturday, October 12, 2002 3:10 PM what made you say "once"? who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years. how are the mind and body connected…? its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? the world may never know. ~*miss kenna*~ No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
Your lack of devoted time to your schoolwork would most likely be because of the stress in your life at the moment, Jamie. You can’t be expected to function properly until you sort out all the other problems (which is made more difficult by the pressure by everyone else to finnish the schoolwork before you do anything else), so it ends up as a chicken and egg scenario. People say "finnish work then solve problems", and so do you. When you need to solve the problems in order to have a clear mind to finnish your work.
i think school might be one of my big problems its not like i can’t do the work its just that i have no desire to do the work or show up for class or get an education at all for this matter id quit but i know that i would never go back I presume that the boyfriend you have now is not the one who raped you?
correct technically we’re not exactly going out yet when he gets here then yes i’m not up for the whole long distance thing
Response:
"I guess if you can’t explain your own actions then something another…" …then you should not have done it in the first place? (parent’s seem to like this one… the self-centered, blinded gasses, living in their own….er, *Ahem*, now where was I?) … No one else can? …Someone else will? …You were under the influece of a particularly potent horse tranquilliser? …You were sleep-walking? …Your arms, legs, eyelids, tongue, and any other appendge by which you could use to communicate has been hoplessly severed? …you are talking a whole load of bull? Gah! I give up. That’s like saying "What’s the difference between a chicken?" Earth! Always, Brother Paul. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well I would figure what made you say the last comment. I guess if you can’t explain your own actions then something another…=p to tired to type, finish my sentence for me. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~ what made you say "once"? who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years. how are the mind and body connected…? its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? the world may never know. ~*miss kenna*~ No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
Greetings, Jamie. Your lack of devoted time to your schoolwork would most likely be because of the stress in your life at the moment, Jamie. You can’t be expected to function properly until you sort out all the other problems (which is made more difficult by the pressure by everyone else to finnish the schoolwork before you do anything else), so it ends up as a chicken and egg scenario. People say "finnish work then solve problems", and so do you. When you need to solve the problems in order to have a clear mind to finnish your work. I presume that the boyfriend you have now is not the one who raped you? Earth! Always, Brother Paul. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Greetings, Jamie. I like to listen to various songs as well, P.O.D. – Youth of a Nation, Linken Park – It Doesn’t Matter, Some other group who’s name I do not know – My Way. Somehow the lyrics just have the words that I don’t, and the fact that the singers can scream them out as loud as I can turn the volume knob, it feels good. Sort of announcing to the world how I feel, without saying a thing. "I tend to want to be alone when I get like this, I dunno why, my parents can’t understand it." Linken Park it doesn’t even matter Oooh… I’ve not much support for parents, though I have met a few nice specimens. Are you an only child, Jamie? If you are an only child, or have a much younger, or much older brother or sister, then this is natural. Some people like to get together with others for support, while only’s prefer to be lonely. This is partially because they have had to learn to play by themselves and cope with problems by themselves for their younger life. They tend to get cranky and hurt those around them when they are unhappy. actually my sis is 17 barely 2 years apart very close family always had a bazillion cousins around to play with now Your boyfriend… Jamie. In an earlier post, I might be wrong, but you implied that your earlier boyfriend raped you. If it has only been a year, Jamie, then of course you will be like this around him. You were betrayed and hurt by somebody you trusted. Wounds like that need more than bandages. Don’t feel that your boyfriend deserves more than you, Jamie. He is with you, and if he has not run away when you pushed him away, then you have someone there who wants to help you. He wants to be with you, Jamie. If you didn’t deserve him, then he wouldn’t be there. Hold on to him. yup rape hit push tied up emotional abuse grr i still feel he deserves better i shouldn’t treat him like i do i don’t know why he sticks around through it "The more my mom tells me… the more i refuse to do it and put it off." Don’t like being told what to do? Don’t like things that don’t matter running your life and monopolising your time? Everything else seem more important? If you answered yes to two or more of the above questions, then you are difinately a human. yup yup nope 2 out of 3 i know what my priorities need to be i’m just not workin it
Response:
Nice post, Bree. Earth! Always, Brother Paul. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey Jamie, I can’t explain how come there is so many bad days. Perhaps it’s Satin trying to take over your life, perhaps not. I often find putting on a fast beat song or a song I really like loud that I forget about how bad the day is. You might want to try get some-one to be with you, or a mirror, just be with them, pull faces at each other or somthing, When you start laughing you feel good. The are way to many whys, I agree, I often find that my life goes downhill when I’m bored, so maybe you could try and find out about these whys, get the answers to why. Why do you hurt the person you love? Your not alone. I had a bad childhood and because of that, I had it in my mind that I didnt deserve good things or good people so I would try to get rid of them. I didnt realize that was what I was doing, I just thought like you that I was crazy and I was just a horrible person, it just seemed somthing I you do. I learned that I am not evil. You can overcome this but it wont be perfect overnight. I still struggle with this feeling of not deserving things, but I have come a long way…something I learnt was you have to love yourself, and be happy with who you are in order to love anyone else as they should be loved, A good friend gave me that though, and I believe this with all my heart now, she really helped me. Now days when I find myself doing this I just go up to the person I love, even if I have been arguing with them or ignoring them, and give them a big hug, or be an idiot to get them to laugh, seeing them laugh makes me feel alot better. I know what you mean about school, I was told by my teacher a long time ago that she will never reward me in class because I always stop working after I am rewarded. I have no answer to this yet, but you could try and tell some-one to get you to do the work. When you feel like just skipping the work, have this person tell you. If it’s a parent who you listen to, maybe you can ask them to keep insisting you go and work. If it’s study maybe you could look around for a new way to keep it interesting. I don’t suggest trying to study with a Girlfriend or Boyfriend, if you get angry during the time things dont’ always work out so good and the first problem may come back. Problem 3. I have exactally this problem, though not being told I am stupid, other things I get called. Anyway, don’t listen to the lies. Another friend of mine told me it is Satin using others to make my life bad. I know a boy who always broke things, and I mean always, he didn’t use it abnormally, it just seemed everything he touched broke, he would get on a scooter and it would break, he would touch a radio and it would stop working, anything he did he seemed to break it. His parents were very supportive, but he always was fighting with his family. Your right, it IS NOT your fault, you are being told lies, it’s just some strange thing, this boy didnt’ break the radio, he turned the knob just like the instructions say, but it broke, it’s the radios fault. Again, I don’t suggest going and yelling back "It’s not my fault, it broke itself", perhaps jsut take the yelling and go to your room, know that it is not your fault, your parents don’t mean you are stupid, they said it, but it’s like what you said before, you don’t mean to hurt the person you love, but they do. We all need the help, and if we ask God to help us, if it’s his will he helps, if not, there is a reason for it. Thinking of suicide plans I have not done yet, but I’m sure it will come. I dont’ do that because I think I don’t need to think of how my death will come, I know that I will die oneday, I don’t need it to come early, maybe it’s greedy, but if I have 10 more good days in my 72 year life, and I’m only 18 now, I want those 10 good days, it gives the bad days somthing to look forward to. I have however made out entire plans of things that I never actually do, but I still plan them, and even just planning them makes me feel even worse somtimes. I think the easiest way to get rid of these thoughs is to stop the problems you have listed. It is however impossiable to stop Satin by yourself, ask God for his help, and as you say, there are always bad days so that you appreciate the good. When a bad day comes along, keep busy doing somthing you like to distract yourself from how bad your day is, know that tomorrow the day may be different. I hope I helped you with my past Jamie, Ready to help along the way, –Me. —– Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.teens Sent: Friday, October 11, 2002 10:49 AM how come the good days never last sure you gotta have the bad to appreciate the good but does there have to be so much bad to many whys why do i hurt the person i love most in world i claim to love him and yet i push and i hurt him till he wants to kill himself not only do i push but sometimes i know i’m doing it and yet i keep it up then we have to go thruthe whole you hate me no you hate me thing no i don’t hate you i love you well i love you to lets never fight again it was my fault its not your fault blah blah blah same thing day in and day out stuck in a rut it never changes who cares who deserves who and who loves who more why can’t we just be happy together problem two school no motivation never do the work and then i wonder why i’m failing and i’m weeks behind and i can’t catch up and i just get stressed out which makes me have anxiety attacks and hyper ventilate then if i finally do catch up i just do the same thing all over again problem 3 parents stupid kid yu how many times do i need to hear that before i 100% believe them when i been hearing it my whole life i’m shocked i don’t why do i have to do stuff to make them say that anyway and look there i go blaming myself again everything IS NOT aways my fault i need to remember that uh huh and all these things resort me to cutting and thinking of death and creating suicide plans yet i never ever chaange a thing i don’t have any good ol days they’re all the same
Response:
Yeah I know. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – huh? im sorry. i cannot finish your sentence, since "then something another" does not make sense to me no matter how i try to finish it…. Well I would figure what made you say the last comment. I guess if you can’t explain your own actions then something another…=p to tired to type, finish my sentence for me. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~ what made you say "once"? who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years. how are the mind and body connected…? its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? the world may never know. ~*miss kenna*~ No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
Well I would figure what made you say the last comment. I guess if you can’t explain your own actions then something another…=p to tired to type, finish my sentence for me. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – what made you say "once"? who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years. how are the mind and body connected…? its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? the world may never know. ~*miss kenna*~ No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
huh? im sorry. i cannot finish your sentence, since "then something another" does not make sense to me no matter how i try to finish it….
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Well I would figure what made you say the last comment. I guess if you can’t explain your own actions then something another…=p to tired to type, finish my sentence for me. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~ what made you say "once"? who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years. how are the mind and body connected…? its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? the world may never know. ~*miss kenna*~ No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
what made you say "once"? who the hell knows what it is. philosophers have been wondering this same thing for thousands of years. how are the mind and body connected…? its like, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? the world may never know. ~*miss kenna*~
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
Greetings, Jamie. I like to listen to various songs as well, P.O.D. – Youth of a Nation,
Linken Park – It Doesn’t Matter, Some other group who’s name I do not know – My Way. Somehow the lyrics just have the words that I don’t, and the fact that the
singers can scream them out as loud as I can turn the volume knob, it feels good. Sort of announcing to the world how I feel, without saying a thing. "I tend to want to be alone when I get like this, I dunno why, my parents
can’t understand it." Linken Park it doesn’t even matter Oooh… I’ve not much support for parents, though I have met a few nice specimens. Are you an only child, Jamie? If you are an only child, or have a much younger, or much older brother or
sister, then this is natural. Some people like to get together with others for support, while only’s prefer to be lonely. This is partially because they have had to learn to play by themselves and cope with problems by themselves for their younger life. They tend to get cranky and hurt those around them when they are unhappy. actually my sis is 17 barely 2 years apart very close family always had a bazillion cousins around to play with now Your boyfriend… Jamie. In an earlier post, I might be wrong, but you implied that your earlier
boyfriend raped you. If it has only been a year, Jamie, then of course you will be like this around him. You were betrayed and hurt by somebody you trusted. Wounds like that need more than bandages. Don’t feel that your boyfriend deserves more than you, Jamie. He is with
you, and if he has not run away when you pushed him away, then you have someone there who wants to help you. He wants to be with you, Jamie. If you didn’t deserve him, then he wouldn’t be there. Hold on to him. yup rape hit push tied up emotional abuse grr i still feel he deserves better i shouldn’t treat him like i do i don’t know why he sticks around through it "The more my mom tells me… the more i refuse to do it and put it off." Don’t like being told what to do? Don’t like things that don’t matter
running your life and monopolising your time? Everything else seem more important? If you answered yes to two or more of the above questions, then you are
difinately a human. yup yup nope 2 out of 3 i know what my priorities need to be i’m just not workin it
Response:
hmm…you dont like satin? sorry, im a girl…i loooove satin! 
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Miss Kenna is there something wrong? What made you post that…I would like to know is all (not an attack or anything). — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
No what made you say "dumbass"? I am only curious Miss Kenna…we may share more in common then I once believed. — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hmm…you dont like satin? sorry, im a girl…i loooove satin! Miss Kenna is there something wrong? What made you post that…I would like to know is all (not an attack or anything). — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
Response:
Greetings, Jamie. I like to listen to various songs as well, P.O.D. – Youth of a Nation, Linken Park – It Doesn’t Matter, Some other group who’s name I do not know – My Way. Somehow the lyrics just have the words that I don’t, and the fact that the singers can scream them out as loud as I can turn the volume knob, it feels good. Sort of announcing to the world how I feel, without saying a thing. "I tend to want to be alone when I get like this, I dunno why, my parents can’t understand it." Oooh… I’ve not much support for parents, though I have met a few nice specimens. Are you an only child, Jamie? If you are an only child, or have a much younger, or much older brother or sister, then this is natural. Some people like to get together with others for support, while only’s prefer to be lonely. This is partially because they have had to learn to play by themselves and cope with problems by themselves for their younger life. They tend to get cranky and hurt those around them when they are unhappy. Your boyfriend… Jamie. In an earlier post, I might be wrong, but you implied that your earlier boyfriend raped you. If it has only been a year, Jamie, then of course you will be like this around him. You were betrayed and hurt by somebody you trusted. Wounds like that need more than bandages. Don’t feel that your boyfriend deserves more than you, Jamie. He is with you, and if he has not run away when you pushed him away, then you have someone there who wants to help you. He wants to be with you, Jamie. If you didn’t deserve him, then he wouldn’t be there. Hold on to him. "The more my mom tells me… the more i refuse to do it and put it off." Don’t like being told what to do? Don’t like things that don’t matter running your life and monopolising your time? Everything else seem more important? If you answered yes to two or more of the above questions, then you are difinately a human. Hope this helps… in some strange way. Earth! Always, Brother Paul. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – well yeah you did help i usually feel a bit better when someone at elast responds to me even if i don’t agree with everything or anything they say well as for the whole music thing yeah i like loud music i try to drown out the rest of the world i usually end up putting papa roache on though ya know the song cut my life into pieces this is my last resort suffication no breathing don’t give a —- if i cut my arm bleeding would you even care if i died bleeding etc etc etc not a very good happy song if it for some odd reason shoutin the lyrics relieves some of my frustration as for getting a friend i tend to want to be alone when i get like this i dunno why my parents can’t understand it hurting the person i love i guess it might be my low self esteem i pushed him away last night AGAIN figured if i could make him hate me i wouldn’t be able to hurt him plus i figure he deserves so much better than me well i guess i hurt him more by doing that we had a big crying fest last night as for the school thing the more my mom tells me to do my homework and buckle down the more i refuse to do it and put it off one time she sat with me at the kitchen table while i was doing homework i think she finally understands why i get nothing done i got up every 12 seconds to roam around the house i was drawing i was playing with the floating candle center piece made a huge mess btw altho when i was a freshman in highschool i took biology 3rd day of school my teacher told me to drop the class because there was no way i would pass yeah i definetly got straight As I can’t explain how come there is so many bad days. Perhaps it’s Satin trying to take over your life, perhaps not. I often find putting on a fast beat song or a song I really like loud that I forget about how bad the day is. You might want to try get some-one to be with you, or a mirror, just be with them, pull faces at each other or somthing, When you start laughing you feel good. The are way to many whys, I agree, I often find that my life goes downhill when I’m bored, so maybe you could try and find out about these whys, get the answers to why. Why do you hurt the person you love? Your not alone. I had a bad childhood and because of that, I had it in my mind that I didnt deserve good things or good people so I would try to get rid of them. I didnt realize that was what I was doing, I just thought like you that I was crazy and I was just a horrible person, it just seemed somthing I you do. I learned that I am not evil. You can overcome this but it wont be perfect overnight. I still struggle with this feeling of not deserving things, but I have come a long way…something I learnt was you have to love yourself, and be happy with who you are in order to love anyone else as they should be loved, A good friend gave me that though, and I believe this with all my heart now, she really helped me. Now days when I find myself doing this I just go up to the person I love, even if I have been arguing with them or ignoring them, and give them a big hug, or be an idiot to get them to laugh, seeing them laugh makes me feel alot better. I know what you mean about school, I was told by my teacher a long time ago that she will never reward me in class because I always stop working after I am rewarded. I have no answer to this yet, but you could try and tell some-one to get you to do the work. When you feel like just skipping the work, have this person tell you. If it’s a parent who you listen to, maybe you can ask them to keep insisting you go and work. If it’s study maybe you could look around for a new way to keep it interesting. I don’t suggest trying to study with a Girlfriend or Boyfriend, if you get angry during the time things dont’ always work out so good and the first problem may come back. Problem 3. I have exactally this problem, though not being told I am stupid, other things I get called. Anyway, don’t listen to the lies. Another friend of mine told me it is Satin using others to make my life bad. I know a boy who always broke things, and I mean always, he didn’t use it abnormally, it just seemed everything he touched broke, he would get on a scooter and it would break, he would touch a radio and it would stop working, anything he did he seemed to break it. His parents were very supportive, but he always was fighting with his family. Your right, it IS NOT your fault, you are being told lies, it’s just some strange thing, this boy didnt’ break the radio, he turned the knob just like the instructions say, but it broke, it’s the radios fault. Again, I don’t suggest going and yelling back "It’s not my fault, it broke itself", perhaps jsut take the yelling and go to your room, know that it is not your fault, your parents don’t mean you are stupid, they said it, but it’s like what you said before, you don’t mean to hurt the person you love, but they do. We all need the help, and if we ask God to help us, if it’s his will he helps, if not, there is a reason for it. Thinking of suicide plans I have not done yet, but I’m sure it will come. I dont’ do that because I think I don’t need to think of how my death will come, I know that I will die oneday, I don’t need it to come early, maybe it’s greedy, but if I have 10 more good days in my 72 year life, and I’m only 18 now, I want those 10 good days, it gives the bad days somthing to look forward to. I have however made out entire plans of things that I never actually do, but I still plan them, and even just planning them makes me feel even worse somtimes. I think the easiest way to get rid of these thoughs is to stop the problems you have listed. It is however impossiable to stop Satin by yourself, ask God for his help, and as you say, there are always bad days so that you appreciate the good. When a bad day comes along, keep busy doing somthing you like to distract yourself from how bad your day is, know that tomorrow the day may be different.
Response:
Miss Kenna is there something wrong? What made you post that…I would like to know is all (not an attack or anything). — "Do not try to interject logic into my rambling." -Ethan Hammond from the PS NG ~Only the ignorant man becomes angry, the wise man understands.~
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – fuck you’re lucky! i want satin to take over my life! satin bed sheets, satin window drapes, satin couch covers, satin clothing, satin….oh…you meant satan…..dumbass…satan interfered with your spelling lesson, didn’t he? that bastard! ~*miss kenna*~ Hey Jamie, I can’t explain how come there is so many bad days. Perhaps it’s Satin trying to take over your life, perhaps not.
Response:
fuck you’re lucky! i want satin to take over my life! satin bed sheets, satin window drapes, satin couch covers, satin clothing, satin….oh…you meant satan…..dumbass…satan interfered with your spelling lesson, didn’t he? that bastard! ~*miss kenna*~
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey Jamie, I can’t explain how come there is so many bad days. Perhaps it’s Satin trying to take over your life, perhaps not.
Response:
well yeah you did help i usually feel a bit better when someone at elast responds to me even if i don’t agree with everything or anything they say well as for the whole music thing yeah i like loud music i try to drown out the rest of the world i usually end up putting papa roache on though ya know the song cut my life into pieces this is my last resort suffication no breathing don’t give a —- if i cut my arm bleeding would you even care if i died bleeding etc etc etc not a very good happy song if it for some odd reason shoutin the lyrics relieves some of my frustration as for getting a friend i tend to want to be alone when i get like this i dunno why my parents can’t understand it hurting the person i love i guess it might be my low self esteem i pushed him away last night AGAIN figured if i could make him hate me i wouldn’t be able to hurt him plus i figure he deserves so much better than me well i guess i hurt him more by doing that we had a big crying fest last night as for the school thing the more my mom tells me to do my homework and buckle down the more i refuse to do it and put it off one time she sat with me at the kitchen table while i was doing homework i think she finally understands why i get nothing done i got up every 12 seconds to roam around the house i was drawing i was playing with the floating candle center piece made a huge mess btw altho when i was a freshman in highschool i took biology 3rd day of school my teacher told me to drop the class because there was no way i would pass yeah i definetly got straight As – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I can’t explain how come there is so many bad days. Perhaps it’s Satin trying to take over your life, perhaps not. I often find putting on a fast beat song or a song I really like loud that I forget about how bad the day is. You might want to try get some-one to be with you, or a mirror, just be with them, pull faces at each other or somthing, When you start laughing you feel good. The are way to many whys, I agree, I often find that my life goes downhill when I’m bored, so maybe you could try and find out about these whys, get the answers to why. Why do you hurt the person you love? Your not alone. I had a bad childhood and because of that, I had it in my mind that I didnt deserve good things or good people so I would try to get rid of them. I didnt realize that was what I was doing, I just thought like you that I was crazy and I was just a horrible person, it just seemed somthing I you do. I learned that I am not evil. You can overcome this but it wont be perfect overnight. I still struggle with this feeling of not deserving things, but I have come a long way…something I learnt was you have to love yourself, and be happy with who you are in order to love anyone else as they should be loved, A good friend gave me that though, and I believe this with all my heart now, she really helped me. Now days when I find myself doing this I just go up to the person I love, even if I have been arguing with them or ignoring them, and give them a big hug, or be an idiot to get them to laugh, seeing them laugh makes me feel alot better. I know what you mean about school, I was told by my teacher a long time ago that she will never reward me in class because I always stop working after I am rewarded. I have no answer to this yet, but you could try and tell some-one to get you to do the work. When you feel like just skipping the work, have this person tell you. If it’s a parent who you listen to, maybe you can ask them to keep insisting you go and work. If it’s study maybe you could look around for a new way to keep it interesting. I don’t suggest trying to study with a Girlfriend or Boyfriend, if you get angry during the time things dont’ always work out so good and the first problem may come back. Problem 3. I have exactally this problem, though not being told I am stupid, other things I get called. Anyway, don’t listen to the lies. Another friend of mine told me it is Satin using others to make my life bad. I know a boy who always broke things, and I mean always, he didn’t use it abnormally, it just seemed everything he touched broke, he would get on a scooter and it would break, he would touch a radio and it would stop working, anything he did he seemed to break it. His parents were very supportive, but he always was fighting with his family. Your right, it IS NOT your fault, you are being told lies, it’s just some strange thing, this boy didnt’ break the radio, he turned the knob just like the instructions say, but it broke, it’s the radios fault. Again, I don’t suggest going and yelling back "It’s not my fault, it broke itself", perhaps jsut take the yelling and go to your room, know that it is not your fault, your parents don’t mean you are stupid, they said it, but it’s like what you said before, you don’t mean to hurt the person you love, but they do. We all need the help, and if we ask God to help us, if it’s his will he helps, if not, there is a reason for it. Thinking of suicide plans I have not done yet, but I’m sure it will come. I dont’ do that because I think I don’t need to think of how my death will come, I know that I will die oneday, I don’t need it to come early, maybe it’s greedy, but if I have 10 more good days in my 72 year life, and I’m only 18 now, I want those 10 good days, it gives the bad days somthing to look forward to. I have however made out entire plans of things that I never actually do, but I still plan them, and even just planning them makes me feel even worse somtimes. I think the easiest way to get rid of these thoughs is to stop the problems you have listed. It is however impossiable to stop Satin by yourself, ask God for his help, and as you say, there are always bad days so that you appreciate the good. When a bad day comes along, keep busy doing somthing you like to distract yourself from how bad your day is, know that tomorrow the day may be different.
Response:
how come the good days never last sure you gotta have the bad to appreciate the good but does there have to be so much bad to many whys why do i hurt the person i love most in world i claim to love him and yet i push and i hurt him till he wants to kill himself not only do i push but sometimes i know i’m doing it and yet i keep it up then we have to go thruthe whole you hate me no you hate me thing no i don’t hate you i love you well i love you to lets never fight again it was my fault its not your fault blah blah blah same thing day in and day out stuck in a rut it never changes who cares who deserves who and who loves who more why can’t we just be happy together problem two school no motivation never do the work and then i wonder why i’m failing and i’m weeks behind and i can’t catch up and i just get stressed out which makes me have anxiety attacks and hyper ventilate then if i finally do catch up i just do the same thing all over again problem 3 parents stupid kid yu how many times do i need to hear that before i 100% believe them when i been hearing it my whole life i’m shocked i don’t why do i have to do stuff to make them say that anyway and look there i go blaming myself again everything IS NOT aways my fault i need to remember that uh huh and all these things resort me to cutting and thinking of death and creating suicide plans yet i never ever chaange a thing i don’t have any good ol days they’re all the same
Response:
Hey Jamie, I can’t explain how come there is so many bad days. Perhaps it’s Satin trying to take over your life, perhaps not. I often find putting on a fast beat song or a song I really like loud that I forget about how bad the day is. You might want to try get some-one to be with you, or a mirror, just be with them, pull faces at each other or somthing, When you start laughing you feel good. The are way to many whys, I agree, I often find that my life goes downhill when I’m bored, so maybe you could try and find out about these whys, get the answers to why. Why do you hurt the person you love? Your not alone. I had a bad childhood and because of that, I had it in my mind that I didnt deserve good things or good people so I would try to get rid of them. I didnt realize that was what I was doing, I just thought like you that I was crazy and I was just a horrible person, it just seemed somthing I you do. I learned that I am not evil. You can overcome this but it wont be perfect overnight. I still struggle with this feeling of not deserving things, but I have come a long way…something I learnt was you have to love yourself, and be happy with who you are in order to love anyone else as they should be loved, A good friend gave me that though, and I believe this with all my heart now, she really helped me. Now days when I find myself doing this I just go up to the person I love, even if I have been arguing with them or ignoring them, and give them a big hug, or be an idiot to get them to laugh, seeing them laugh makes me feel alot better. I know what you mean about school, I was told by my teacher a long time ago that she will never reward me in class because I always stop working after I am rewarded. I have no answer to this yet, but you could try and tell some-one to get you to do the work. When you feel like just skipping the work, have this person tell you. If it’s a parent who you listen to, maybe you can ask them to keep insisting you go and work. If it’s study maybe you could look around for a new way to keep it interesting. I don’t suggest trying to study with a Girlfriend or Boyfriend, if you get angry during the time things dont’ always work out so good and the first problem may come back. Problem 3. I have exactally this problem, though not being told I am stupid, other things I get called. Anyway, don’t listen to the lies. Another friend of mine told me it is Satin using others to make my life bad. I know a boy who always broke things, and I mean always, he didn’t use it abnormally, it just seemed everything he touched broke, he would get on a scooter and it would break, he would touch a radio and it would stop working, anything he did he seemed to break it. His parents were very supportive, but he always was fighting with his family. Your right, it IS NOT your fault, you are being told lies, it’s just some strange thing, this boy didnt’ break the radio, he turned the knob just like the instructions say, but it broke, it’s the radios fault. Again, I don’t suggest going and yelling back "It’s not my fault, it broke itself", perhaps jsut take the yelling and go to your room, know that it is not your fault, your parents don’t mean you are stupid, they said it, but it’s like what you said before, you don’t mean to hurt the person you love, but they do. We all need the help, and if we ask God to help us, if it’s his will he helps, if not, there is a reason for it. Thinking of suicide plans I have not done yet, but I’m sure it will come. I dont’ do that because I think I don’t need to think of how my death will come, I know that I will die oneday, I don’t need it to come early, maybe it’s greedy, but if I have 10 more good days in my 72 year life, and I’m only 18 now, I want those 10 good days, it gives the bad days somthing to look forward to. I have however made out entire plans of things that I never actually do, but I still plan them, and even just planning them makes me feel even worse somtimes. I think the easiest way to get rid of these thoughs is to stop the problems you have listed. It is however impossiable to stop Satin by yourself, ask God for his help, and as you say, there are always bad days so that you appreciate the good. When a bad day comes along, keep busy doing somthing you like to distract yourself from how bad your day is, know that tomorrow the day may be different. I hope I helped you with my past Jamie, Ready to help along the way, –Me. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text —— Original Message —– Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.teens Sent: Friday, October 11, 2002 10:49 AM how come the good days never last sure you gotta have the bad to appreciate the good but does there have to be so much bad to many whys why do i hurt the person i love most in world i claim to love him and yet i push and i hurt him till he wants to kill himself not only do i push but sometimes i know i’m doing it and yet i keep it up then we have to go thruthe whole you hate me no you hate me thing no i don’t hate you i love you well i love you to lets never fight again it was my fault its not your fault blah blah blah same thing day in and day out stuck in a rut it never changes who cares who deserves who and who loves who more why can’t we just be happy together problem two school no motivation never do the work and then i wonder why i’m failing and i’m weeks behind and i can’t catch up and i just get stressed out which makes me have anxiety attacks and hyper ventilate then if i finally do catch up i just do the same thing all over again problem 3 parents stupid kid yu how many times do i need to hear that before i 100% believe them when i been hearing it my whole life i’m shocked i don’t why do i have to do stuff to make them say that anyway and look there i go blaming myself again everything IS NOT aways my fault i need to remember that uh huh and all these things resort me to cutting and thinking of death and creating suicide plans yet i never ever chaange a thing i don’t have any good ol days they’re all the same
Response:
She squeaked and then came sniffing at me to make sure everything was okay. A similar incident occurred the other night. I don’t recall that dream but that time I kicked out with my foot from under the covers. Only this time I didn’t kick Persia, my foot just presented itself as a TOY for her to grab with her paws. Or maybe it was a defensive move on her part, like "crap, she’s going to kick me if I don’t grab her and wake her up!" I dunno. I think I’m under a bit of stress. Hope I don’t start sleep-walking again. I haven’t had to worry about *that* for years. I’m not sure what Persia would make of that. Jill — <^..^ 
““““` I’d lash you with a wet noodle but I’m too tired to go to the store and buy some pasta… <hug> kcat 
PVC – I *believe* it is "peri-ventricular contraction" but won’t swear by it. the feeling of missing a beat or two followed by a hard thud is classic PVC according to my former boss. forgive me if J. has already given you this info. I’m not doing too great so I’m only reading sporadically and not chasing down URLs. 