Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – If that fits your lifestyle that is fine for you. However, remember, she is a single mother with custody of a young child. If this is a practice that she were to adopt with a new male figure, she could risk losing custody of her child. That practice is NOT condoned by your ever flaunted CPS. Dont challenge me on that one because I KNOW for a fact that they will remove the child from the home for that sort of thing. Nique If they KNOW about it. They don’t do be checks last I looked. And I didn’t tell her to call the papers about it, silly!! But presumably if she fucks guys who she knows well then she can find one who undersatands such things. They are much more common than is realized. Steve
You are not considering the fact that there may be an ex husband involved that would be able to take custody if the child tells him during visitation that "Mommy was jumping up and down on some man with no clothes on" – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No Kidding!!! I think I would have been traumatized to see my parents doing the nasty. Ewwww. I am just not in to voyeurism!! LOL. Nique It’s funny how many people think that because they scarcely even believe their parents COULD EVER have had sex. I see this as a tragedy of human misunderstanding. Kids who do not see their parents as sexual have trouble loving their own sexuality and experience extreme guilt and hesitancy. If you had never seen sex you might see it as a trauma the first time, but one which would seem absurd for many people in the world where privacy is neither available nor even desirable. Our kids expressed shock that other kids NEVER saw sex and didn’t understand how that could possibly be a good idea, they were profoundly shocked by it, but our fucking in the living room was barely interesting to them. It was normal: Him or Her: "When you guys are done fucking I want to invite (so-and so) over." Us: "Remember, honey, we’re going to eat in a little while". Him or Her: "Okay, I’m going out back. See ya." Steve OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C. Catriona, Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } Charlene
Response:
If that fits your lifestyle that is fine for you. However, remember, she is a single mother with custody of a young child. If this is a practice that she were to adopt with a new male figure, she could risk losing custody of her child. That practice is NOT condoned by your ever flaunted CPS. Dont challenge me on that one because I KNOW for a fact that they will remove the child from the home for that sort of thing. Nique
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No Kidding!!! I think I would have been traumatized to see my parents doing the nasty. Ewwww. I am just not in to voyeurism!! LOL. Nique It’s funny how many people think that because they scarcely even believe their parents COULD EVER have had sex. I see this as a tragedy of human misunderstanding. Kids who do not see their parents as sexual have trouble loving their own sexuality and experience extreme guilt and hesitancy. If you had never seen sex you might see it as a trauma the first time, but one which would seem absurd for many people in the world where privacy is neither available nor even desirable. Our kids expressed shock that other kids NEVER saw sex and didn’t understand how that could possibly be a good idea, they were profoundly shocked by it, but our fucking in the living room was barely interesting to them. It was normal: Him or Her: "When you guys are done fucking I want to invite (so-and so) over." Us: "Remember, honey, we’re going to eat in a little while". Him or Her: "Okay, I’m going out back. See ya." Steve OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C. Catriona, Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } Charlene
Response:
If that fits your lifestyle that is fine for you. However, remember, she is a single mother with custody of a young child. If this is a practice that she were to adopt with a new male figure, she could risk losing custody of her child. That practice is NOT condoned by your ever flaunted CPS. Dont challenge me on that one because I KNOW for a fact that they will remove the child from the home for that sort of thing. Nique
If they KNOW about it. They don’t do be checks last I looked. And I didn’t tell her to call the papers about it, silly!! But presumably if she fucks guys who she knows well then she can find one who undersatands such things. They are much more common than is realized. Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No Kidding!!! I think I would have been traumatized to see my parents doing the nasty. Ewwww. I am just not in to voyeurism!! LOL. Nique It’s funny how many people think that because they scarcely even believe their parents COULD EVER have had sex. I see this as a tragedy of human misunderstanding. Kids who do not see their parents as sexual have trouble loving their own sexuality and experience extreme guilt and hesitancy. If you had never seen sex you might see it as a trauma the first time, but one which would seem absurd for many people in the world where privacy is neither available nor even desirable. Our kids expressed shock that other kids NEVER saw sex and didn’t understand how that could possibly be a good idea, they were profoundly shocked by it, but our fucking in the living room was barely interesting to them. It was normal: Him or Her: "When you guys are done fucking I want to invite (so-and so) over." Us: "Remember, honey, we’re going to eat in a little while". Him or Her: "Okay, I’m going out back. See ya." Steve OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C. Catriona, Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } Charlene
Response:
I know this wasn’t addressed at me, but… I get the impression that you would rather permit, versus not-permit, a child to join you in bed, at any point, just because that child wants to.
I would. But that doesn’t work for my wife, so he doesn’t. That’s all. Each of the three of us has veto power because sleeping arrangements are really important. I’m comfy with anything (from alone, to being cuddled between others). My wife is only barely comfy with me in the bed. Our son would like to sleep with us at least sometimes, but that only happens if the wife is out of town. Whatever works for everyone is the best answer. By that arguementm you would give a child raw sugar and quaker state for dinner if they desired it, or let them play in the snow in bare feet if they had it in their head to.
We limit our son’s sugar intake. But I’m thinking it’s a mistake and I’m not sure how to get out of it without him going overboard. As Steve mentioned, no kid want’s motor oil. And my son is welcome to play in the snow barefoot. I go the 300 feet to the compost pile barefoot in the snow, and he can’t stand to keep up for more than ten feet or so. No one is injured by it. I’ve found that children often do NOT know when is best for them, and
Sometimes, they don’t know in the same ways that adults do, but they also know what’s best for them in ways that we never can. We aren’t in their minds and can’t know what’s going on. We just have to trust that they DO know what’s best. And when we do, it turns out that we were right to, at least mostly. ;-) somestimes adults aren’t any more of an authority on it. Yet adults have the capacity to examine a larger picture; other people’s feelings, the context of the situation, the safety issues involved, and the tensions and hardships that various choies would create.
I think that kids can deal with more of these issues than most people give them credit for. They don’t have our time and experience, but remember they are vastly smarter than we are. Really. God knows I’ve been caled a bad parent for less (nose ring, blue hair, unreligious,unmarried, unrepentant, unbroken blah blah blah)
I had a blue mohawk for a few weeks when my son was a baby. I liked going out with him to get reactions from stodgy people I ask this group for ways they can sujest I solve the situation to meet my needs. I did not ask for your approval, or your evaluation of me as a parent.
Everyone is full of wisdom. Some of us just can’t give it out without some judgment on the side. Ignore the judgment and take their wisdom. Even people who put you off have something to learn. And ignoring them just because they offend would be a waste. On an even more personal note, I find your ‘whip out the vibrator and gather the whole family on the marital bed for show time" to be so silly,
Why silly? Is it just because it would make you _very_ uncomfortable? Or do you think it would in some way harm the child? Yes, there is a place and time for a child to understand, and witness, acts of public affection, tenderness and sexuality between his or her parents, but inviting a child to become an active witness in private sexuality is no better, in my oppinion, from inviting them to witness fights between those same parents.
I think it is important for kids to see their parents fight. Quarreling is an important part of interpersonal relationships and it happens. Why insulate your kids from reality? And maybe it provides an impetus to fight a little nicer. There is a level of privacy that must be retained, even if it done carefully.
Must? For what? I retain a level of privacy from my best friends, my son, my wife, etc. But just because I like to have my own life, not because I have anything particularly to hide. That’s my comfort zone. But I wouldn’t ever imply that that’s how it ought to be. That’s just how it works for me. And no matter what, you won’t ever have as much privacy from your kids as you think you do. They _will_ look in your underwear drawers. Chris
Response:
No Kidding!!! I think I would have been traumatized to see my parents doing the nasty. Ewwww. I am just not in to voyeurism!! LOL. Nique
It’s funny how many people think that because they scarcely even believe their parents COULD EVER have had sex. I see this as a tragedy of human misunderstanding. Kids who do not see their parents as sexual have trouble loving their own sexuality and experience extreme guilt and hesitancy. If you had never seen sex you might see it as a trauma the first time, but one which would seem absurd for many people in the world where privacy is neither available nor even desirable. Our kids expressed shock that other kids NEVER saw sex and didn’t understand how that could possibly be a good idea, they were profoundly shocked by it, but our fucking in the living room was barely interesting to them. It was normal: Him or Her: "When you guys are done fucking I want to invite (so-and so) over." Us: "Remember, honey, we’re going to eat in a little while". Him or Her: "Okay, I’m going out back. See ya." Steve – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C. Catriona, Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } Charlene
Response:
To Christopher Weeks: Does the "bms" in your email address stand for "Business Management Solutions"? Just curious. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We are replying to Steve’s posts above. Read his posts. Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. I hope she wasn’t in any way put on the defensive. She asked for help in the form of opinions and ideas and I asked for some clarification. She didn’t have to say anything that made her uncomfortable. Did something she said seem extra-private to you? There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. Which ones are those? I haven’t read anyone insulting her. There are lots of insults tossed around in this group, but this thread has thus far been free of them. Why try to stir up trouble where none exists? I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } You seem to have over estimated the degree to which anyone’s advice could reasonably been taken as orders or attacks. Should people not give advice when it’s asked for? It seems to me that if everyone who can think of some advice should provide it and the poster can take the bits that work for her. But maybe it’s just me. Chris
Response:
OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason.
No one wants a child to be scared every night, but children will pretend fear to get into bed with you when what they need is comforting, if you are perceived by them as the kind who would not meet their need for comforting alone!!! Stop judging them! Children KNOW what they NEED, and there is no harm in it at all! They will TELL you what they need, and when they have had enough they will do something different! Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me.
And when he doesn’t NEED to he will TELL you!! First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself.
What is "time to yourself" to you?? Why isn’t it time with your child? Isn’t that what you work in order to come home to?? If you satisfy his needs then you’ll find he can relax and be around you without being so needy, but if you push him away his need will appear to grow! If you mean time for sex or masturbation then tell him so. Explain these things and describe your needs. He’ll understand. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him.
Kids LIKE to be around us, and our little noises won’t keep them awake. Put a big soft chair near and he will relax next to you and probably fall alseep happy. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter.
If you are calm and permit his need then he will be calm and relax and be less "jabbery". I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me.
Tell him your needs. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C.
There is no problem that a child will not understand if it explained. If they see sex they will wait till you’re done to bother you. Simply indicate your needs and hopes and accept his as well! Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. I hope she wasn’t in any way put on the defensive. She asked for help in the form of opinions and ideas and I asked for some clarification. She didn’t have to say anything that made her uncomfortable. Did something she said seem extra-private to you? There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. Which ones are those? I haven’t read anyone insulting her. There are lots of insults tossed around in this group, but this thread has thus far been free of them. Why try to stir up trouble where none exists? I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } You seem to have over estimated the degree to which anyone’s advice could reasonably been taken as orders or attacks. Should people not give advice when it’s asked for? It seems to me that if everyone who can think of some advice should provide it and the poster can take the bits that work for her. But maybe it’s just me. Chris
I wasn’t speaking about you, Chris. But the one user I was refering to, (name beginning with S, ending in E!) very often likes to attack other poster’s because of their views on child rearing, especially when it comes to issues such as discipline, limit setting and the like. I am just trying to warn Catriona about this ahead of time in case she does get insulted by a reply on this thread, as it seems highly likely that she will. Charlene
Response:
LOL..no kidding! I can’t imagine what life would have been like if I had to witness my parents having sex on a regular basis. Ewww….(note to self: quick, think of something else!) ..Charlene – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – No Kidding!!! I think I would have been traumatized to see my parents doing the nasty. Ewwww. I am just not in to voyeurism!! LOL. Nique OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C. Catriona, Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } Charlene
Response:
We are replying to Steve’s posts above. Read his posts. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. I hope she wasn’t in any way put on the defensive. She asked for help in the form of opinions and ideas and I asked for some clarification. She didn’t have to say anything that made her uncomfortable. Did something she said seem extra-private to you? There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. Which ones are those? I haven’t read anyone insulting her. There are lots of insults tossed around in this group, but this thread has thus far been free of them. Why try to stir up trouble where none exists? I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } You seem to have over estimated the degree to which anyone’s advice could reasonably been taken as orders or attacks. Should people not give advice when it’s asked for? It seems to me that if everyone who can think of some advice should provide it and the poster can take the bits that work for her. But maybe it’s just me. Chris
Response:
Any advice from people who have been here? My son will be three in the fall. I’m a single parent. We live in a two bedrooom apartment Problem; He prefers my room, and my bed. I usually dont’ have people spend the night if I’m dating somone (unless he’s at grandma’s for the night) so my son has got used to just wandering into my room at 3 am when he wakes restless. I’d like to have him fall asleep, and wake in his own room, as a rule. Thoughts? C.
Response:
Any advice from people who have been here? My son will be three in the fall. I’m a single parent. We live in a two bedrooom apartment Problem; He prefers my room, and my bed. I usually dont’ have people spend the night if I’m dating somone (unless he’s at grandma’s for the night) so my son has got used to just wandering into my room at 3 am when he wakes restless. I’d like to have him fall asleep, and wake in his own room, as a rule.
We went through a similar night time visitor with our son from when he was potty trained until very recently [nearly two years worth!]. He’d get up in the middle of the night for a night time potty break and visit us [always woke me up, too! never hubby!]. I just escorted him back to bed as quietly as possible, tucked him in, started his music box critter going, and left. He never reappeared unless he was having a really hard time falling back to sleep, and I’d just escort him back to bed again. Maybe this would work for you. -Aula
Response:
Any advice from people who have been here?
Not exactly there, but I have dealt with some of these issues. My son will be three in the fall. I’m a single parent. We live in a two bedrooom apartment Problem; He prefers my room, and my bed.
Probably he prefers your company, rather than anything about the room or bed. But I’m not sure I see what the problem is. my son has got used to just wandering into my room at 3 am when he wakes restless.
OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. I’d like to have him fall asleep, and wake in his own room, as a rule.
First, you should analyze why you want this. Only then, I believe, can you address what you should be doing. And since I don’t know what your reasons are, I can’t really suggest too much. I bet that if you slept in his room too, he wouldn’t want to wander into the other one. And if he did, you could just trade rooms. Chris
Response:
OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it.
Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this.
Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C.
Response:
Just my suggestion here: My eight year old went through the same thing. I was also a single parent at the time, so I understand completely. Here is what I did to ease her out of it. It is true that she was seeking my company not my bed. So for the first week or so, whenever she would get out of her bed and come to me, I would go to her room with her and crawl into her bed. She would quickly go back to sleep, and I would go back to my room. (Yes I lost some time for myself in the short term). Then after about a two weeks of this practice, I would simply escort her back to her room, sit on the side of her bed until she began to go back to sleep. Then I eased off again and simply tucked her in when I took her back to bed. This took about 6 weeks in total, but after that, she was staying in her room all night except for the occasional bad dream or bed wetting that is to be naturally expected. She also learned that I was going to be there even if she was in her own room. Hope this helps. Nique
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Any advice from people who have been here? My son will be three in the fall. I’m a single parent. We live in a two bedrooom apartment Problem; He prefers my room, and my bed. I usually dont’ have people spend the night if I’m dating somone (unless he’s at grandma’s for the night) so my son has got used to just wandering into my room at 3 am when he wakes restless. I’d like to have him fall asleep, and wake in his own room, as a rule. Thoughts? C.
Response:
I should also note here that I would include discussions with her during the day about her having her very own bed which was important, and me having my very own bed. And that it was important for both of us to get a good nights sleep so that we could do important things during the day, and that if we sleep in our own beds then we will be rested for the next day. Nique
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Any advice from people who have been here? My son will be three in the fall. I’m a single parent. We live in a two bedrooom apartment Problem; He prefers my room, and my bed. I usually dont’ have people spend the night if I’m dating somone (unless he’s at grandma’s for the night) so my son has got used to just wandering into my room at 3 am when he wakes restless. I’d like to have him fall asleep, and wake in his own room, as a rule. Thoughts? C.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Any advice from people who have been here? My son will be three in the fall. I’m a single parent. We live in a two bedrooom apartment Problem; He prefers my room, and my bed. I usually dont’ have people spend the night if I’m dating somone (unless he’s at grandma’s for the night) so my son has got used to just wandering into my room at 3 am when he wakes restless. I’d like to have him fall asleep, and wake in his own room, as a rule. Thoughts? C.
Let him sleep where he wants and he won’t fixate on it as an issue. It doesn’t hurt anything. Steve
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Any advice from people who have been here? My son will be three in the fall. I’m a single parent. We live in a two bedrooom apartment Problem; He prefers my room, and my bed. I usually dont’ have people spend the night if I’m dating somone (unless he’s at grandma’s for the night) so my son has got used to just wandering into my room at 3 am when he wakes restless. I’d like to have him fall asleep, and wake in his own room, as a rule. We went through a similar night time visitor with our son from when he was potty trained until very recently [nearly two years worth!]. He’d get up in the middle of the night for a night time potty break and visit us [always woke me up, too! never hubby!]. I just escorted him back to bed as quietly as possible, tucked him in, started his music box critter going, and left. He never reappeared unless he was having a really hard time falling back to sleep, and I’d just escort him back to bed again. Maybe this would work for you. -Aula
Perfect description of a systematic way to make a child feel unwelcome and unloved around the whole issue of bed and sleep. Steve
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C.
We simply fucked with the door open from the time ours were born, and it was always fine and they grew up knowing what fucking is, so we only had to add a biology lesson, which then was trivial. It doesn’t hurt them, most humans on earth see sex when they are children. Starting it later if they are sexually ignorant might take a little explaining, but it can be done. Start with vibrators and show him. Explaining it as fun is perfectly understandable to kids. They even leave you alone when you’re fucking and wait to ask for things till the moaning stops, out of their natural unprompted love and courtesy. Steve
Response:
Let him sleep where he wants and he won’t fixate on it as an issue. It doesn’t hurt anything. Steve
While it would be nice to think that it doesn’t hurt anything, I must disagree. Have you ever slept with a toddler? I think I have permanent bruises from having mine in the bed with me. (Before you have a hissy Steve, I am kidding) However, I do think you can ease the child back into his/her own bed without too much difficulty and then everyone gets a good nights sleep.
Response:
OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is scared, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me.
He may have a completely valid reason that he doesn’t or can’t express. From age three to age five I attended a Montessori school where I was mildly abused. I never told my folks. I was ten before I ever mentioned my hatred of the place. They were shocked. As a result, I have been really careful to assume that when my son has some behavior, there may be some deeper explanation. It sounds like your life and personal habits just don’t allow you to share a bed or a room with him. I assume you have talked to him about it? How does he feel? Can you compromise? After you read to him at bed time, cuddle for fifteen minutes and tell him ahead of time that if he _really_ needs you at night that he’s welcome to come in, but if he can just get a drink and go back to sleep, that would help you since you really need your sleep to be a happy mom. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him.
I know that people vary, but I can barge into my son’s room, put away his laundry, and leave and the most I typically get is a little stirring. I bet that if I did it more, he would get used to more and sleep right through. Would you consider making the larger bedroom, the bedroom for both of you, and the other one the den (or whatever) where you do your work, and entertain company? You could have two seperate beds, but he would have the reassurance of being in the same room with you. It also sounds like you tip-toe around too much. Anyone can sleep with a condle or two lit. And if you get up first then you get ten minutes alone, if not, then not. If you absolutely need the time alone, tell him that. Set a timer. Put it down low where he can see it (and even cary it around with him), and explain that you need that tiem to wake up before being a good mommy. He is likely to start thinking that the timer is cool. Chris
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C.
Catriona, Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } Charlene
Response:
Oh My God.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C. We simply fucked with the door open from the time ours were born, and it was always fine and they grew up knowing what fucking is, so we only had to add a biology lesson, which then was trivial. It doesn’t hurt them, most humans on earth see sex when they are children. Starting it later if they are sexually ignorant might take a little explaining, but it can be done. Start with vibrators and show him. Explaining it as fun is perfectly understandable to kids. They even leave you alone when you’re fucking and wait to ask for things till the moaning stops, out of their natural unprompted love and courtesy. Steve
Response:
No Kidding!!! I think I would have been traumatized to see my parents doing the nasty. Ewwww. I am just not in to voyeurism!! LOL. Nique
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – OK, that’s a good start. So he has the freedom to seek parental comfort and safety when he feels that he needs it. Which is good. If a child is sacred, has had a nightmare, wet the bed etc, I think feeling comfortable waking the parent is important, but not everysingle night, without explainable reason. Right now he simply prefers sleeping in my bed, with me. First, you should analyze why you want this. Some, if not all of them, are fairly selfish. I don’t get a lot of time to myself. When I’m home from work and school, I’m his sum total as far as parents go. Now, that’s by choice, but it’s still one adult to one child, no help. When he falls asleep at night, I’d prefer to sit in my room at the computer and work on assignments without wory that I’m typing to loudly, or that the light will wake him. When I am in bed, I enjoy lighting two candles on the bedside table and reading a chapter of a novel; again, somthing that wakes him. When I wake in the morning, I’d prefer the first 10 minutes of the day alone, waking alone, without him launching into his full-tilt preschool stream-of-consciousness chatter. I also don’t get alot of sleep (usually 4-6 hours) so the sleep I do get cannot be filled by toddler kicking and rolling, him playing with my hair and -twinning- it painfuly around his fist, or steeling all the covers from me. Lastly, -if- I ever date somone, and -If- that person spends the night on occasion, I want to have established the idea of "adult private time", especially "private adult bedroom time" by the time he’s 4 or 5 a process which needs to start now. C. Catriona, Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG. There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others. I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ } Charlene
Response:
Those are all very justifiable reasons for wanting your child to develop the independence necessary for sleeping in his own room, the whole night, IMO. I don’t think you should feel that you have to resort to trying to explain all of these reasons to the NG.
I hope she wasn’t in any way put on the defensive. She asked for help in the form of opinions and ideas and I asked for some clarification. She didn’t have to say anything that made her uncomfortable. Did something she said seem extra-private to you? There are certain posters (I’m sure you’ve already found out which ones!) who will do nothing but insult you and try to have you feel as though you are a lousy, miserable, selfish parent for wanting your child to develop this skill, and others.
Which ones are those? I haven’t read anyone insulting her. There are lots of insults tossed around in this group, but this thread has thus far been free of them. Why try to stir up trouble where none exists? I mean, heaven forbid you should EVER deny your child anything that they want, that you should ever curb your "f***ing" to a private time and location where the kids don’t have to be involved, or that you should ever try to discipline or set limits for your child. What kind of parent would cause that much trauma to a child, anyway? :^ }
You seem to have over estimated the degree to which anyone’s advice could reasonably been taken as orders or attacks. Should people not give advice when it’s asked for? It seems to me that if everyone who can think of some advice should provide it and the poster can take the bits that work for her. But maybe it’s just me. Chris
Response:
f male menopause. The hot flashes are hideous and they happen right out of :the blue. I can be talking to a friend…laughing…and all of a :sudden…bam..bring on the ice. I hate to go back on Celexa just to cut the :hot flashes out…..does anyone have any ideas on this? Hi JJ, Have you discussed this excessive sweating and hot flashes with your doctor? Are you at all anxious when you start to sweat? It could be anxiety but it also could be something physical like hyperhidrosis ( excessive sweating) or even a thryoid problem, it is important you have this symptom thoroughly checked out. A good friend of mine would get hot flashes and start sweating profusely for no reason, she assumed it was perimenopause and was shocked to find out she had hyperthyroidism. Take care 
>>>But couldn’t all these agreements have been reached withOUT yanking the >>kids? >>> Of course they could have. So >KIDNAPPING by government is even more distressing to parents. 